Articles tagged with: crack
In a bold move to try and make people remember who he is, Blake Fielder-Civil has claimed Amy Winehouse died in his arms. The problems here are twofold: one - it's only nearly died, thus removing most of the impact, and two - who the hell is Blake Fielder-Civil? Answers on a postcard please. Even faced with this wall of evidence pointing to the fact that no one cares or knows who this plum is, The Sun still went and chatted to Amy Winehouse's ex-husband where he revealed the astonishing facts of a regular junkie party for the former couple.
When George Michael is caught being a dimwit in public he tends to respond with either an apology or a furious phonecall to Richard & Judy. And, since Richard & Judy isn't on the telly any more, that means that George Michael only has one way to respond to his arrest this weekend on suspicion of sitting on a toilet in Hampstead Heath trying to eat a chunk of crack the size of an owl, or whatever it was that he was arrested for. In short, now that he's been cautioned for his possession of crack, George Michael has issued an apology to all his fans promising that he's going to try and overcome his drug problems once and for all. And a good thing too, because all the George Michael fans needed to calm down - otherwise they'd have done a really slapdash job of cutting everyone's hair today.
When Tatum O'Neal was arrested for buying crack a month ago, she looked ready to blurt out a limitless amount of gormless excuses to prove her innocence.
She had millions of them - that it was the first time she'd bought crack, that she didn't even know it was crack and that she bought crack because her dog died and it made her sad. We've been eagerly anticipating Tatum O'Neal's next excuse for weeks - would she try and say that she thought the man was offering to sell her 'quack'? That she was briefly possessed by the ghost of Ike Turner? We couldn't wait.
And now we're sorely, sorely disappointed. Tatum O'Neal has done the unthinkable and stopped making excuses. In fact, Tatum O'Neal has pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in court, meaning that her case will be dismissed if she completes a pathetically rudimentary course at a drug treatment clinic. That's OK for Tatum O'Neal we suppose, but why won't anyone think of us here? Where's our fun?
If we'd just been arrested for buying a bunch of crack and powder cocaine, we'd be fairly grumpy about it - start the day without crack? We're not animals! However, Tatum O'Neal is positively thrilled that the police caught her buying crack in a sting operation. According to her it was apparently the first time she'd bought herself any crack after years of sobriety, and the arrest was like a rough, humiliating intervention from Jesus Christ himself. What's more, Tatum O'Neal says that she only turned to crack because her dog died. Seriously. Maybe this is where Amy Winehouse went so wrong - she'd have been an angelic little choirgirl if her guinea pig hadn't got the sniffles when she was six and a half.
Think of Tatum O'Neal and you'll probably think of the adorable 10-year-old who won an Oscar for singing Keep Your Sunny Side Up in Paper Moon. Unless you've happened to hear the news about Tatum O'Neal getting arrested for allegedly buying crack and powder cocaine in an NYPD sting yesterday, of course, in which case you probably see Tatum O'Neal as a hellish cross between Amy Winehouse and, well, Ryan O'Neal. Don't dwell on that for too long, by the way. It'll scar you. But, yes, Tatum O'Neal has been arrested for apparently buying crack. A former child star getting in trouble with drugs - honestly, wonders will never cease.
Amy Winehouse is like a bad news magnet at the moment - apparently it's a magnet that also seems to repel soap. However, Amy Winehouse has received a rare nugget of good news today - police have confirmed that Amy won't be charged for that video of her apparently smoking crack like it's going out of fashion. What fantastic news! Now that this crack video palaver is out of her hair, all Amy Winehouse has to do is sort out her crumbling marriage, her multimillion-pound divorce, her drug addiction, her self-harming tendencies, her skin disease and literally single other thing regarding her personal and professional life and she'll be almost completely back on track. Go Amy!
You might want to sit down for this - apparently Amy Winehouse has been known to occasionally take drugs. We know, we were shocked when we found out, too. But apparently it's true, because Amy Winehouse was last night arrested and bailed in connection with that secretly-filmed video of her appearing to smoke crack in her flat from earlier this year. There's a slim chance that Amy Winehouse could face jail after this arrest, which we'd actually be OK with. Hopefully her incarceration will be timed to coincide with the release of her husband Blake Fielder-Civil. That way Blake can start sleeping with a boy who looks like little Ben Mitchell from EastEnders while she's locked up, to see how she likes it. Revenge is sweet! And quite disturbing to think about!
This Christmas, families around the world will be united by one thing - the sound of a crack-addled hasbeen croaking out pale imitations of her best-loved hits.
Amy Winehouse? Don't be silly - we're talking about the queen of substance-deranged power-ballads here, not the scabby-faced pretender to her crack-addled throne, here. That's right, Whitney Houston is back.
Well, sort of back. Whitney Houston's comeback album - her first for six years - will be released in time for Christmas. It'd be ready sooner, but it's going to take nine months of round-the-clock labour to photoshop the album's artwork so it looks like Whitney Houston's pupils are the same size and that she's got teeth and generally looks a bit less identical to Samuel L Jackson in Jungle Fever.
