Now we don’t have all the details – but from what we understand Judge Judy recently found an entire earthquake guilty of putting all of its tenants’ belongings out on the curb just because he didn’t pay rent for three months.

Those case details are a bit shaky, pun intended, but what we know for sure is that Judy’s courtroom was shaken all to pieces by a LA earthquake that happened a few days ago.

Footage has leaked, don’t you know, which allows each of us to watch Judy yell at the earthquake, tell it it’s an idiot, and after it refused to calm down – order her bailiff to escort it out to the lobby where it would have to wait until a verdict was reached.

An earthquake is a phenomena much more powerful than anything else in nature. Hurricanes just blow things around – yeah, that’s impressive. Monsoons can only splash you with things like water, and…um…water. This doesn’t impress us.

An earthquake though – those things can tear through mountains with nothing but, bare hands, Aerosmith’s greatest hits and a bottle of delicious Jolt cola, which is available in a 16 pack for the unheard of low-price of $11.99 for a limited time only at participating Sam’s Clubs.

Yes, earthquakes truly are mother nature’s most furious beast. This may confuse those who thought that title belonged to Judge Judy. We were confused about all that too – until we saw the video footage of Judy coming face to face with an earthquake on the set of her show.

The National Ledger describes the scene:

“Judge Judy rules with an iron fist and at times it might seem like an earthquake is coming down when she delivers a no nonsense ruling, especially if you are on the losing end of a Judge Judy ruling.  But when the Los Angeles earthquake hit on Tuesday the cameras (as always) were rolling in the courtroom as the earth was rolling and jumping form the California quake….One of those tapes is now online and it shows our favorite television judge a bit shook up as she rules on a case between a man and a woman.”

In the end she found the earthquake guilty, and ordered it to pay the plaintiff $320 plus court costs.

Don’t worry about earthquake though – it comes from money. See for yourself.

Hello, and welcome to the billionth edition of Britney Spears Does A Lot Of Dumb Shit That Couldn't Possibly Make A Jot Sense To Anyone, Not Even An Idiot Or A Child.

Today: Britney Spears goes to court to get her kids back but forgets to actually go all the way into the courtroom. Again.

Honestly, this stuff better be entertaining for Britney Spears, because it's starting to drain our will to live.

She enjoys toying with us, that Britney Spears. Witness the way she goes shopping for pregnancy kits when she's not even pregnant just to whip us all into a froth. Or the way she almost called her new album What If The Joke Is On You? when even a spak-brained village idiot would realise that the joke has actually been on Britney Spears for quite some time now. And wasn't even particularly hilarious to begin with. 

Or the way that Britney Spears gives the world just the slightest glimmer that she isn't a hermetically-sealed hopeless nobsack, only to prove a couple of days later that, yes, actually Britney Spears is a hermetically-sealed hopeless nobsack. What a tease, eh?

If you hadn't already guessed, Britney Spears has just done the latter. Again. After her weird hospital meltdown earlier this month, Britney Spears knows that the only way she has a fighting chance of seeing her two children again – even for a second through four sheets of reinforced glass – is to play the game and show up at court and do what the commissioner tells her. And when Britney Spears took her deposition earlier this week, it looked like she'd finally turned a corner.

But, with stunning inevitability, that corner turns into Shithead Avenue. Yesterday Britney Spears was due in court to seek restoration of her visitation rights. And she went to the courthouse, too. It's just that Britney Spears bricked it and ran off home as soon as she was through the doors. ABC reports:

Britney Spears came to a courthouse Wednesday for a hearing to seek restoration of her rights to see her two little boys, but suddenly left without entering court. "I want to leave," Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini quoted her as saying. Parachini said Spears was driven away. Upstairs, Commissioner Scott Gordon went ahead with a closed hearing. "Notice was taken of Miss Spears' absence" during the hearing, the spokesman said.

Sound familiar? It should – Britney Spears did exactly the same thing last Tuesday. And, as with last Tuesday, Britney's weird no-show meant that she won't be seeing her children again until next month at the earliest.

So what now for Britney Spears? Well, she's due back in court in 11 days, but only because her lawyers want to leave. And then she'll have to wait until February 19 before she gets another crack at fouling up regaining custody. And February 19 is a long time away, so there's a very good chance that at some point before then Britney Spears will go through a period of at least 24 hours without doing something so absurdly gormless that we feel obliged to write about it.

Oh, who are we kidding? That's never going to happen.

Read more:

Britney Spears Arrives at LA Courthouse, Then Leaves the Building - ABC