court - HecklerSpray

Justin Bieber Can Now Officially Be Crowned The King Of Douche

March 11th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Justin Bieber has gone so quickly from cute teen singer with a bit of a lesbian face to a total piece of shit in pretty record time.? As if all of his antics pissing in mop buckets, banging hookers in South America, doing crappy graffiti all over the place, wasn’t enough to make you hate him, he had made sure to take away that little nugget of hope you still had for him by being a total asshole during a recent deposition.

So take every jackass celebrity you can think of.? Your Shia LaBeouf, your Alec Baldwin, your Robin Thicke.? Take them all, add some of Marky Mark’s style from 1992, throw in a cup of?crappy tattoos, put them in a Vitamix blender, and voila!? You have Justin Bieber.???Thanks again, Canada.

The Crazies Love Alec Baldwin A Little Too Much

November 16th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Alec Baldwin is kind of a total dick 99% of the time.? He has anger issues and would probably punch a puppy wearing glasses if the dog dared to look at him for too long.? So why someone would decide to devote all their time and energy on him makes no sense.? Unless we are talking about his much younger, better looking wife, in which case I get because at least you get a fancy life style out of it.? It’s easier to deal with his constant yelling when you are wearing Louboutins.

But for some crazy reason, Baldwin got himself a bat shit crazy stalker and took her single white female ass to court.? Of course, the stalker claims Baldwin is a dirty liar and they are SO IN LOVE, and tries to prove she isn’t a few cards short of a full deck by acting a fool in the courtroom.

Oh Liz Lemon, where are you when Jack needs you, girl?

Pauly D Got It In And Got A Baby Out Of It

October 24th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Tsk Tsk, Pauly D.? Everyone knows the rules you and the other bros from the Jersey Shore tried to follow when banging chicks.? No grenades,? get your GTL game up, and when you find a girl DTF- get your smoosh on.? Of course there were times you went off the grid and hooked up with a landmine or two, but there was one unspoken rule that I thought you knew better than to break- No glove, no love!

Last summer?while DJing in Vegas, Pauly D broke the cardinal rule of one night stands and meaningless sex by doing it?with some random chick without fully protecting himself.? He probably didn’t even catch her name, but she did manage to catch his sperm in her uterus, and 9 months later there is another Shore spawn on this earth.

Now Pauly is not only actively trying to be a part of this baby’s life, he is actually taking the baby mama to court for full custodial rights because he thinks he is the more fit parent.? Ohhhh buddy.

Michael Barrymore Loves A Bit Of Cocaine In His Pocket

December 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when Michael Barrymore was such a big deal that America wanted to steal him and put him on US television? His mixture of long limbs and open-contempt for gameshow contestants really was a winning formula in light entertainment!

And who could forget his touching tribute to the fallen Notorious B.I.G. which saw Barrymore rapping ‘I’ll Be Missing You’ on My Kind Of Music?

Alas, an incident in his scrotum shaped swimming pool with Stuart Lubbock saw that his career nosedived quicker than a Japanese WWII pilot, leaving him to appear ghost-like in Celebrity Big Brother. So what’s he been doing since? Well, if you must know, the answer appears to be ‘loads of coke’.

Bieber’s Baby Is Back For Round 2

November 17th, 2011 By Kris Silver

STOP THE PRESSES! The Bieber baby drama may not be quite as dead as we all thought.

Jeffrey Leving, the lawyer representing Bieber?s baby momma, Mariah Yeater, has come out and said that the DNA test is still on! Meaning there's still a chance that Justin really was bustin? to get freaky with the single mother.

So forget everything we said yesterday, IT’S BACK ON BITCHES!

Everyone Quite Pleased As 50 Cent Threatens To Withhold LP

July 29th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

50 Cent is an astonishing man. He’s the one who opened the door for ‘deaf rap’. No, not ‘def’. We mean ‘hard of hearing’ because, if you listen to his style, he sounds like he’s got a sock for a tongue. This paved the way for many, many tone deaf rappers.

If your skills and flow are severely limited, then the best thing to do is to court controversy.

And that is exactly what 50 Cent is doing as he’s saying he won’t release another album on Interscope and also threatening to leak Dr. Dre’s new single ‘Psycho’. And grow a proper tongue.

“You’re A Dead Man Westwood!” Man Shows Tim Who The Real Big Dog Is

July 29th, 2011 By Kris Silver

THE BIG DOG IS IN THE HOUSE! 6 words that, when you hear them on the radio, let you know that it's time to change the station, because the whitest man in history, Tim Westwood, is about to start broadcasting.

It's fairly safe to say we all hate Westwood, after all what is there to love about a man who looks like a geography teacher painfully trying to hard to appear ?street? to keep his pupils interested?

But none of us seem to hate Westwood quite as much as Mark Bulcock.

R Kelly Has Emergency Throat Surgery (His Mind’s Telling Him No, But His Tonsils, His Tonsils’ Telling Him Yeaaah)

July 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If only R Kelly had a bunch of events in his life that we could hang some jokes on. We’ve been wracking our brains here and can’t really think of anything that he’s done which we can mock, apart from some of his desperately awful records, that In The Closet lark and the fact it appears that he likes having sex with minors.

Wait! He liked hanging around with Michael Jackson didn’t he? That’s pretty funny isn’t it, because Michael Jackson had a face like a haunted hamstring by the time he died. There must be some correlation between R Kelly’s fondness for minors, allegations made against Jackson and, of course, our penchant for the most obvious jokes in the world.

But before all that, R. Kelly won’t be singing shit as he’s had to have some emergency throat surgery which means he won’t be performing for an indefinite period. Real talk. Or… y’know… No talk.

R Kelly Getting Sued By Former Manager So We Can Make Obvious Jokes About You Know What

June 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

R Kelly is being sued by former manager Jeff Kwatinetz for over $1 million. While that’s all very interesting and we’ll mention it later in the article, this is obviously not the reason we’re running the story. Clearly, we want to make jokes about R Kelly and sex with minors.

Of course, Kelly hasn’t ever been to prison or anything like that, so we can’t say he’s properly guilty of it. However, we can join the scrum and snicker about the rumours. And for those thinking we’re being racist, we’d do the same if Woody Allen was in the news more often (c’mon! You don’t think his relationship with Soon-Yi is weird as shit?).

Alas, we’re looking at R Kelly.

You Haven’t Heard Of Young Buck And The Illegal Guns He May Or May Not Have Owned

March 8th, 2011 By Michael Park

Former G-Unit rapper Young Buck (pictured right) has pleaded not guilty on counts of gun possession in a Tennessee court. Unfortunately, 50 “Fifty” Cent’s former proteg? was left standing outside the court house for a full five hours as no-one in the court had any idea who he was.

You might be sitting there saying “well, I believe him”. Perhaps you’re a Justin Bieber fan and are sitting saying “I belieb him”.

At the risk of being in contempt of court in another country, the $300,000 in unpaid taxes that Young Buck is apparently too idiotic to skip the country for, should suggest that he might be just too stupid or too callous to think that having an illegal, unregistered pistol in his house might be frowned upon by the law.