And we’re not the only ones, because Kenny Chesney – a man with a big hat and hardly any charisma – has just won the CMA Entertainer Of The Year award for the fourth time in five years, making him officially the most entertaining country singer ever born. Except for Garth Brooks. He’s equally entertaining.

This must count as one of Kenny Chesney’s proudest moments. Now he can look back on all the other country singers of the past and know he’s more entertaining than them. He’s more entertaining than Billy Shooter, Old Jeb Clovercleb, Whistlin’ Jimmy McFormaldahide, Redeyes O’Murderer and even, in a controversial twist, Barefoot Bobby And The Pregnant Mistakes. Congratulations, Kenny Chesney. You earnt this.

Being an entertaining country singer is a lot like being a successful plate-spinner – you have to try and make references to farming equipment at the same time as keeping up your quota of lengthy pun-filled song-titles, without forgetting about blind patriotism that regularly veers into racism or the fact that your personal life has to include some form of mild tragedy.

It sounds exhausting, which is why we should all be congratulating Kenny Chesney for being named the most entertaining country performer at last night’s Country Music Awards – something he seems to have been given for being the only country performer who hasn’t punched any of his fans or shot a stranger in the face recently.

More than that, in fact, Kenny Chesney has now won the CMA Entertainer Of The Year award four times in five years, more than anyone else except for Garth Brooks, whose record he has tied. And, to think, all he had to do to get there was marry a skinny actress briefly and constantly deny that he’s gay.

Obviously what makes Kenny Chesney so entertaining is his noble humility, which he displayed last night after winning his award. AP reports:

“Winning entertainer of year for the fourth time in five years is more than this kid ever dreamed of,” Chesney said backstage. While Chesney knows his reign will eventually end, he said, “I’m not going to lay down. I love the heart, commitment and sacrifice it takes to do this.” And to his competitors, he issued a challenge: “Come and get me.”

We think Kenny Chesney is being too modest. He’s never going to stop being the most entertaining country singer on Earth because, like he said, he understands the sacrifice that winning it takes.

For instance, all Kenny Chesney really wants to do is work 20-hour shifts down a mineshaft every day for the rest of his life but, oh no, there’s always someone on his back telling him to earn millions of dollars by endlessly recycling his one already-generic idea into another best-selling album. Now that’s sacrifice.

But, still, this must be an important award for Kenny Chesney because it’s the first award he’s won for ages where he didn’t act like a turd about it afterwards.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

No, wait – Jessica Simpson’s first love is cacky reality TV shows that exploit her personal relationships with others, isn’t it? OK, well in that case Jessica Simpson has gone back to her second love – music.

And not just any music, either – Jessica Simpson has gone country, and she’s marked the occasion with a concert at a festival in Wisconsin. But sadly, Jessica Simpson’s country concert didn’t go down well with the locals, who booed and jeered her for not being country enough. Now, if she’d have smashed her teeth up real bad and had sex with a blood relative beforehand, it would have been a different story altogether.

Country music is a sound that’s easy to imitate but almost impossible to live by. Any old fool can go a bit cross-eyed, write a song about CB radios and score a lucky hit from it, but country fans are a difficult bunch to fool, as Jessica Simpson is only starting to find out.

After her reality TV show died, her acting career was killed stone dead by Blonde Ambition and her sideline as a professional meat eater was derided by Pamela Anderson, Jessica Simpson only had two career options left open to her – pornography and country music.

It was a tricky decision to make – one is a degrading, soul-destroying job that’d leave her health and morale in tatters and shove her down to one of the lowest rungs of society alongside lepers and prostitutes, and the other one is pornography – but Jessica Simpson bit the bullet and chose country music anyway.

But what Jessica Simpson doesn’t know is that country music isn’t a career choice – it’s something you reach only after you’ve lived a life of waitress choking and deep ingrained alcoholism and sexual battery against children.

And that lack of country experience came to the fore on Saturday, when Jessica Simpson road-tested her new country direction at the Country Thunder USA Festival in Randall, Wisconsin.

Not realising that anyone who’d attend something called the Country Thunder USA Festival would be able to sniff out a fake quicker than they could blast a varmint’s face off with their pappy’s six-shooter during a drunken bar brawl, Jessica Simpson debuted her own songs alongside covers of Shania Twain and Willie Nelson and, well, got crucified for it. Access Hollywood reports:

“I just don’t hear the country in her,” said Adam Matos, from Arlington Heights, Ill. “I don’t hear the twang. She’s not good enough to be here.” Mike Rodriguez of Lake Geneva, Wisc., seconded that opinion. “Just because she’s dating Tony Romo it doesn’t make her country,” he said. “She doesn’t fit in with country, and I’ll have to drink a lot of beer to sit through her concert.”

Not that Jessica Simpson should worry too much – her first country single Come On Over has already done inexplicably well in the American music charts, and her single looks set to do the same when it’s released in September – but she probably could have done with a better live debut.

Anyway, even if Jessica Simpson’s country direction fails miserably, it’s not the end of the world. There are still hundreds of musical bandwagons that she can shamelessly jump on – like nu-rave, for example, or sub-Saharan bikutsi folk music. The world’s still her oyster.

Or there’s the pornography option, which admittedly does seem more and more of an inevitability these days.

Maybe we'll never know for sure, but let's forget the history for a moment and just laugh at the fat, allegedly woman-beating rednecks who go to country music concerts. Like the fat, allegedly woman-beating redneck who country star Tim McGraw hauled up onstage and ejected from a show in Washington on Tuesday night.

Best of all, there's video footage of the incident. An obnoxious fat cowboy who's too fat to be lifted off the ground by three other obnoxious cowboys? Sounds perfect, doesn't it? It's not – the video's got a country music soundtrack. Bleugh.

There's a lot to be said for just how unpleasant country music fans are – they're so unpleasant that not even country singers like them very much. It's true, and we have a pre-prepared list of example to demonstrate this point.

1) Kenny Chesney wins an award and is pleased. Wait a minute, who voted for this award? Country music fans? Yeuch, take it back! Take it back!

2) You know what Faith Hill enjoys doing more than singing country songs to country fans? Screaming abuse at country fans.

3) "Hi there, I'm Billy Joe Shaver. You wouldn't happen to be a country fan, would you? You would? Well then, hold still while I shoot you in the cheek. Actually, non-metaphorically shoot you in your genuine cheek with my real loaded gun that I've got here."

And if there's one country singer who dislikes country fans more than anyone else, it's Tim McGraw. Oh, you know, Tim McGraw. He distinguishes himself from all the other country singers by wearing a cowboy hat. His songs include Tears In The Rain, You Don't Love Me Any More and Kill Myself. Happy chap, you must recognise him.

No? Well actually that's not important because you don't need to know Tim McGraw to be able to appreciate Tim McGraw's contribution to the art of angrily ejecting his own fans in the middle of his concerts. You see, in Washington on Tuesday night Tim McGraw apparently spied a man being aggressive in the front row of his concert and held everything up while he threw the varmint out. Here's the video…

Wow, that's a level of fury we rarely see. Notice how when he spots the troublemaker in the audience, Tim McGraw instructs his band to keep playing? He's actually so mad at this one guy that he chooses to punish his entire audience with an extended fiddle-di-dee country music jam? That's badass.

Anyway, Tim McGraw has decided to explain his actions in a statement, and here it is:

"A man rush[ed] to the front of the stage. This overly aggressive fan attacked a female fan, and Tim witnessed this incident. Tim called for security, but when they could not respond quick enough, Tim and several crew members removed the fan from the audience. He was then turned over to the local authorities."

We presume that the statement's actually from Tim McGraw's publicist and not Tim himself, because if you knew you were dealing with a man who constantly referred to himself in the third person, the last thing you'd want to do is to disrupt his concert. That'd signify an imbalance that you just wouldn't want to mess with.

Anyway, let's hope this incident is a timely reminder to others on how to deal with disruptive audience members. Specifically you, Akon. Notice how Tim McGraw just shoved him backstage instead of throwing him into the crowd or manically dry-humping him? Take notes, please.

Why? Well, as if having a top-rated TV show, a number one movie and a bunch of chart-topping albums, isn't enough, now it's been revealed that Miley Cyrus is going to host the CMT awards.

You heard correctly – Miley Cyrus is going to host this year's CMT awards. The world's third-biggest country and western-themed awards show. It doesn't get much bigger than that. Apart from the world's second-biggest country and western-themed awards show, or the world's first-biggest country and western-themed awards show. Or any other awards show at all. Is there no stopping this Miley Cyrus woman?

It's fair to say that Miley Cyrus currently has the level of ubiquity that you'd normally expect from a veteran movie star, or at least a Hollywood socialite with a borderline personality disorder and a history of extensive rehab visits. Everything that Miley Cyrus does turns to gold – her TV show, her live concerts, her albums, her movie, her semi-risque pouty mobile phone videos – and what awards show wouldn't want a slice of something that horrifyingly robotic?

Miley Cyrus cut her awards show teeth by becoming a presenter at Sunday's Oscars – although if you tried looking for Oscars clips on YouTube you might be under the impression that the show was basically six hours of nothing but Miley Cyrus grinning earnestly at a lectern – and now she's taking it one step further, by hosting the entire CMT awards in April, as the Associated Press reports:

Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter Miley will host and perform at the 2008 CMT Music Awards. The seventh annual awards show will air live April 14 on CMT from Belmont University's Curb Event Center. Alan Jackson, Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, Sugarland, Taylor Swift and Toby Keith will also be among the performers. "Miley and I are so excited to be hosting the CMT Music Awards," Cyrus said Tuesday in a statement. "We know it will be a fun-filled night with a lot of great music performances."

Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus together? What the the CMT awards organisers thinking? Everyone knows that when Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus get together, things are bound to end up with a stupefyingly inane country ballad duet about flying high on the wings of freedom or a charity-angering display of riding around in a car without a seatbelt.

Can the CMT awards live with that kind of knife-edge controversy? Can it? Can it really? Given that the CMT awards is mostly about giving hunks of metal to buck-toothed banjo players, we're not awfully sure it can.

But at least you know what you're getting by allowing Miley Cyrus to host an awards show. Months and months of hearing your children beg and blackmail you into spending more money than you earn on a ticket to a fifth-rate awards show for a style of music that you'd rather cut off your feet than listen to, all just so they can look at an unusually confident teenager say some dull words about cowboys for 30 seconds at a time, that's what.

Read more:

Miley, Billy Ray Cyrus Host CMT Awards – Associated Press