countdown - HecklerSpray

Young Apprentice Review: Smashing Gender Stereotypes

August 5th, 2012 By Jacki Evans

Shopping. If there's one thing teenage girls are meant to be good at, it's that. Right? Well, apparently not. For last night on Young Apprentice, Lord Sugar?s minions proved that particular stereotype spectacularly wrong.

The task they were set was simple enough; they just had to buy stuff. That's it. Not buy stuff and sell it on, not buy stuff and brand it, not buy stuff and make an ad for it. No. Just buy stuff. Specifically, they had to buy 10 items for the waxwork figures at Madame Tussauds.

we're not sure if the Sith Lord was intending to use the task to smash gender stereotypes, or if he's just recruited a particularly useless bunch this year. Either way, they were utterly hopeless.

Beyonce Has Fake Baby Inside Her While Surrogate Suffers. Possibly.

October 11th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Oh look at you, all pleased for Beyonce and Jay-Z for growing a lickle baby waby inside her. It’s amazing isn’t it? She’ll go from Best Woman In The World to Shoving Stupid Pictures Of Her Spawn All Over Her Stupid Facebook in one felled swoop.

Of course, if you’ve been gawping at her, you will have noticed that she has been showing something of a baby bump off. This is so we can all coo about her pregnancy glow, right?

Well, rumour has it that, while she is indeed waiting on a baby, she’s not pregnant at all! NOT PREGNANT AT ALL. So what’s the muttering?

Beyonce Looks Really, Really, Really Amazing In Countdown Video. Really Amazing.

October 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Have you seen the new video that Beyonce has made? She’s got a new record out called Countdown which is a little off-kilter. It might be rubbish, it might be great… we’ll have to let it bed in or something first.

But that doesn’t matter.

This is about her new video. Cor. Her new, splendid, attractive video where she looks really, really great in a variety of really great ways. Have you seen it? Have you? She looks amazing. Really amazing. Watch it over the jump. She’s amazing.

50 Cent Threatens To Release New Album

June 22nd, 2011 By Paul Pencott

Music lovers the world over were last Friday celebrating the news that Curtis ?50 Cent? Jackson had decided not to release his forthcoming new album ?Black Magic? due to an unspecified spat with his record company Interscope.

In a cruel reversal of fortune for anyone with ears and a brain, Jackson (we're not going to dignify the whole ?50 Cent? thing, much less ?Fiddy?) has now announced that he has ?begun to resolve? the problems so it looks like the globe will yet again be gifted with another turgid 45 minutes of monosyllabic mumbling and barely-concealed misogynism.

The big mystery is what sparked the whole thing off in the first place. We investigate…

Carol Vorderman Leaves Countdown, Is Sort Of A Twonk About It

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

A million quid a year. Look at that number again. A million. That’s £83,300 a month. £19,230 a week. £3,846 a day.

And that what Carol Vorderman earnt on Countdown. That’s Countdown, mind you – the mid-afternoon Channel 4 gameshow watched exclusively by ironic students and the infirm. A million quid for sticking bits of card on a wall and pretending to find Des O’Connor amusing. Still, it’s a million quid she won’t be getting any more.

Carol Vorderman has quit Countdown, you see, claiming that her bosses demanded that she took a 90% pay cut. And, insulted, Carol Vorderman has taken to just about every newspaper on the face of the earth to bitch about the injustice. On the plus side, at least now Carol Vorderman will be best known for being greedy and vindictive instead of for thinking she’s about 500 times more attractive than she actually is. That’s a step up.