Convicted - HecklerSpray

Brigitte Bardot Back Being A Mental Old Racist Again

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Brigitte Bardot is living proof that not only do pretty girls eventually lose their looks, but they also go a bit batty and racist sometimes as well.

That’s because dear old Brigitte Bardot, the woman who entranced the world with her earthy sensuality all those years ago, has just been convicted for provoking discrimination and racial hatred for the fifth time in 11 years, after she published a letter claiming that Muslims are destroying France because they don’t kill sheep properly.

Brigitte Bardot, you’ll remember, was the star of the 1958 movie And God Created Women, a movie that’s soon to be re-released to DVD with the title And God Created One Specific Woman Although He Sort Of Regrets It Every Time She Opens Her Shrapnel-Filled Gob, The Witchy Old Nutter.

Wesley Snipes Not Going To Jail Just Yet, Or Ever

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Everyone’s known that Wesley Snipes is a bad man ever since he was convicted for, um, you know, something about taxes and money and whatever.

And because of this, Wesley Snipes was supposed to hand himself over to federal officials next month so he could start his three-year jail sentence for whatever that thing was about taxes that he apparently did. But not so fast – Wesley Snipes isn’t going down without a fight! He’s been granted bail pending an appeal of his conviction.

This could mean that Wesley Snipes might avoid jail completely, although this really is his last pitch for freedom so he needs to give the appeal his absolute all. And you know what that means, Wesley? No more getting rambling boneheaded character witness statements from Woody Harrelson? OK, Wesley? Not even one. Promise us, it’s important.

Guess What? Uma Thurman’s Stalker Is Actually A Stalker

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Some shocking news – that bloke who kept sending Uma Thurman creepy love letters and visiting her all the time? Turns out he’s a stalker.

That was the decision reached by the jury in a New York court yesterday, anyway, where Uma Thurman’s stalker Jack Jordan was found guilty of stalking and harassing Thurman and immediately jailed pending his sentencing next month.

But who’s the real criminal here? Is it the man who systematically terrorised Uma Thurman by sending her pictures of headless brides and telling her that her children don’t actually exist, or is it society?

What? The first one? Yeah, that probably makes sense, actually.

Remy Ma Banged Up For Belly Shooting

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

What is it with female rappers we've never really heard of and jail these days?

Lady rapper Remy Ma – of hits like Guilty, Crazy, Everyday I'm Fucking Him and several other songs you're equally unlikely to have heard of that have less amusing titles – has been convicted of shooting a woman in the belly last year.

So with Remy Ma facing a 25-year jail term, Foxy Brown still locked up and Lil' Kim's record as an ex-con, that means the only rapping female without a criminal past is now Natasha Bedingfield. And that'll only last until the police finally nail her for all those ivory tombstones she's been embezzling in her teeth.