Britain’s Got Talent, the nation’s premier talent contest attracts thousands of willing participants each year. From dancing dogs to fire-eaters, gymnasts to geriatrics, the show has everything people could possibly want on a Saturday evening. That is, apart from three judges with any discernable talent.
Much has been made of BGT judge Michael McIntyre’s innate ability to point out things that are usually seen as too mundane to mention while dancing around the stage like a human spinning-top, pepped up on a cocktail of cocaine and speed. This seemed, to Simon Cowell at least, enough talent to secure him a place on the judging panel. However, it seems that he’s too nice to keep it.
What of David Hasselhoff? He’s big in Germany for his warbling singing voice, while he is best-known in this country for playing the role of the drunk, strung-out father in 80s’ TV classic Knight Rider. What will become of him and his perma-tan?
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Robert Downey Jr knows a good thing when he sees it – like handguns, lots of Class A drugs and movies directed by Guy Ritchie.
OK OK OK, so Robert Downey Jr doesn’t know a good thing when he sees it. Probably seven out of ten times he knows a good thing when actually he sees a rubbish thing. But Robert Downey Jr does know what things will make him richer than his wildest dreams, and he chases those things like a dog.
According to reports, Robert Downey Jr has signed a contract securing him to Iron Man 3 and an Avengers movie. This is particularly good news for anyone who, while enjoying the original Iron Man, really wants to see Iron Man get overtaken by an alien, grow an evil haircut and then dancing the Twist with Kirsten Dunst while cooking some eggs. For Superhero Law states that all of the above must happen in Iron Man 3.
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For as long as mankind has had any level of self-awareness, we’ve all enjoyed watching one-legged middle aged women flip, twirl, and rhythmically pounce all about.
That’s why even if it had aired ten thousand years ago, that Dancing With The Stars season wherein Heather Mills was featured would have scored real high in the Nielsen ratings. Think of the advertising rates cavemen would have been willing to pay!
Donald Trump, at least momentarily, thought it would be a pretty good idea to have Mills sitting in his Celebrity Apprentice boardroom. We don’t blame him – she’d scuff the carpet 50% less than anyone else, vastly elongating the life of whatever carpet is involved. That’s why Trump’s a millionaire – he thinks about the little things like that.
Ends up though that Mills isn’t welcome on that show. According to rumour, she demanded a contractual stipulation that said if she appeared on the show, she’d be guaranteed a spot in the finale.
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