Lou Pearlman Banged Up For Quarter Of A Century The world may go through some difficult changes in the next 25 years, but at least Lou Pearlman won't give us any more crappy boybands. That's because Lou Pearlman has just been sentenced to 25 years in jail after being found guilty of conspiracy, money laundering and various other dodgy white-collar crap. Ironically, though, Lou Pearlman only got six months in jail for committing those crimes - the other 24.5 years were a punishment for inventing 'N Sync. Oh, we're just kidding. Being the mastermind behind the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync didn't affect Lou Pearlman's sentence at all. He got given such a long sentence because he's fat and creepy-looking. And you're next, Santa!

50 Cent Don’t Like Alicia Keys Cos Alicia Keys Don’t Like Him 50 Cent has responded to Alicia Keys’ comments about Gangsta Rap being ‘a government ploy to convince black people to kill each other’ in the only way he knows how – via the art of inarticulate, meat-headed ramblings that miss the point entirely. Last week we reported that Alicia told Blender magazine the murders of 2Pac and Biggie were a government conspiracy, and that all Gangsta’ rappers are basically being taken for a ride - the idiots. Since then, Alicia Keys has issued a statement saying that her comments were "misrepresented", but Blender spokeswoman Kate Cafaro told the Associated Press on Tuesday that “We stand by our story”. Upon reading this it appears 50 Cent’s brain started hurting. He told The Showbuzz: "I don't like Alicia Keys no more…the same reason why I said that I don't like Oprah Winfrey. I'm prejudice(d). I don't like people who don't like me."

Alicia Keys: Government Was Behind The 2Pac And Biggie Murders The world today is rife with conspiracy theories like never before. There are people out there who believe 9/11 was an inside job. There are people who believe the moon landing was staged. There are people who think Jay-Z is profiting from the African slave trade. Lily Allen’s Dad believes Princess Diana was murdered and one guy hecklerspray knows thinks badgers are actually midgets crawling around the woods in costume. And now Alicia Keys says Gangsta Rap was created by the government and the media in an effort to get influential black people to kill each other, so they don’t have to.

Marion Cotillard Pretty Much Knackers Up The Rest Of Her Career

When the world woke up last week, everyone thought the same things. A) The weekend's finished and we have to go to work. B) Who's that chick who won the Oscar for best actress for a film we’ve never heard of before? 

Who was Marion Cotillard, where had she come from and what the hell was La Vie en Rose about? And what did it mean? For God’s sake why wasn’t it done in English? Surely the producers didn’t expect the majority of the world to watch a film they couldn’t understand. God damn those crazy French.

As an Oscar winner, we’d expect Marion Cotillard's career to go from strength to strength. If not winning more Oscars, then definitely starting up random charities or collecting third world children like Happy Meal toys. But instead of riding high on the success and mulling over lucrative film offers, Marion's gone and ballsed it up. Big style.