Conrad Murray - HecklerSpray

Life For Dr. Conrad Murray Really Is Poo In Jail

March 29th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Poor Dr. Conrad Murray, we can imagine that he's not having the best of times in prison at the moment. Despite being convicted of the manslaughter of a certain Michael Jackson, he knows that, when he's released, he?ll be battered with abuse from fanatical Jackson goons.

We don't imagine prison to be an exciting place, especially in America. Our yank buddies seem a bit stricter on discipline and prefer to harbour inmates in cells without luxuries such as TV, radio and concealed weapons.

Some might argue that criminals deserve nothing, though they need some basics if they’re expected to see out a sentence given to them without hanging themselves with their shoelaces. One such thing is clean drinking water and the last time we checked, the BBC has held no telethon to raise money for dirty drinking water in LA. But if reports are to be believed, we might have to help America out. ?Sexy? Dr. Conrad Murray is blaming an embarrassing problem on what he drinks.

Michael Jackson Death Mansion Goes Up For Sale!

March 23rd, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Michael Jackson news has been slightly thin on the ground of late hasn't it? As far as we know, the Jackson estate has no plans to pump out another batch of supposed special edition albums that are limited to only a thousand million copies.

And because you know hecklerspray will never go out of our way to make inappropriate jokes about Michael?s life for comedy purposes, we promise to restrict this article to only two kiddy touching jokes… and we never lie.

As we all know, the world lost one of the last great remaining singers in June 2009 when his heart did a boogie and went into a fatal cardiac arrest. Since the death of Michael, fans have gone bonkers to get any sort of memorabilia. After all, all his dates at the O2 in London suddenly got pulled seeing as his deceased state stopped him from performing. Now, almost three years on from his passing, the ultimate fan item has become available.

Dr. Conrad Murray Wants An Electronic Tag & A Get Out Of Jail Free Card

January 29th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

When you're in a position of note, it's easy to get carried away and become an egotistical crack-shack. One need only look at Sting’s self-satisfied fizzog to see exactly what we mean.

Not everybody has it so easy once they've been elevated to a “status” ? especially one they might not want. Who are we talking about? Why it's none other than ol’ safe hands himself, ?Sexy? Dr. Conrad Murray. The man that, in the eyes of Michael Jackson fans, makes Harold Shipman look like a competent medical professional.

There's a very good reason that whilst you're reading this, Dr. Conrad Murray is being held in a prison somewhere. He was tried and convicted of manslaughter. Tsk tsk. Still, he’s looking forward to some time away from a depressing concrete cell. If he gets his way, you might be able to see him sooner rather than later!

Paris Jackson And Justin Bieber To Shag With Unswerving Predictability

January 27th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

When Michael Jackson was alive (he’s very much dead these days), he ended up getting married to Lisa Marie Presley. It was weird. The King Of Pop shacking up with The King Of Rock ‘n’ Roll’s daughter. Mixing pop royalty like that… it’s incestuous and odd.

And guess what is going to happen?

That’s right, with a little bit of history repeating itself, Michael’s daughter – Paris Jackson – is giving the sex-eye to pop midget, Justin Bieber. You can just imagine the people behind both of these veritable toddlers advising them about how good a relationship with each other would be for their careers. Blecch!

Michael Jackson?s Glee Episode Is Imminent (Don’t Let Him In A School!)

January 27th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Americans have loads of stuff that's essentially just for them, but occasionally seeps into the cultural mindset of others. Even though its just rounders for men, they call it the ?world series? even though only American teams compete.

Then there's the general extra injection of happiness and excitement that all Americans possess. Even going to the toilet to expel waste results in over enthusiastic whoops, screams and cheers, almost like they've passed a sparkly stool.

TV is, sometimes, America’s best export. But then again, this is the same nation that still churns out The Simpsons despite all its charm vanishing years ago. One giant success is Glee, even though it is essentially a TV version of High School Musical, but even more sweet and sickly. And the series is about to broadcast a tribute Michael Jackson episode. What could possibly go wrong?

Janet Jackson Named Grinch Of The Year By PETA (Jackson Nose Job Gag Rather Dated Now)

December 30th, 2011 By Sophie Hall

Well hello there, and good tidings! But let’s just cut the small-talk here before things get all chatty-chatty like what those baby lesbians do off Coronation Street. So, Janet Jackson’s awful. ?

Hear that, Great Britain? Here that, Janet Jackson’s official fan club underneath all the wild babble?

Oh, quiet down at the front?? JanFan47?! Cease and desist 1nPHATuation! (Amazing.) PIPE DOWN Janhova_Troll_Slayer! Not our words! No! We’d never flirt with?incessant?mockery and combine that with the Jackson family, what with all that pain and despair they’ve been harboring these past few years.

Michael Jackson?s Old Tat Sells For More Than It's Worth

December 19th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If anybody tells you that car boot sales and charity shops are pointless, they clearly don't know what they're talking about. Nothing beats the wonders of rummaging through boxes on a cold early morning with a ropey ?1 polystyrene cup of tea whilst searching for hidden gems.

The high street charity shop is a haven for those sourcing everything from old records to a piece of clothing that would sell for bucket loads in a vintage boutique. Granted, someone might have died in the blazer you're donning for a night out, but a few washes and squirt of Lynx Africa will cover that death musk.

Whilst second hand goods of the common man and woman change hands for a handful of pounds, the rules change when famous people are involved. One particular auction has been on the cards for ages with Michael Jackson extremists squealing in their droves as they get the chance to own items that they probably already have.

Michael Jackson?s Daughter Paris Starts Showbiz Young, Which Never Did Dad Any Harm

December 14th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

They say that everyone deserves a second chance to learn from their mistakes. Or if you happen to have an ounce of intelligence, not copying the moves of those that led to their downfall.

One of the greatest examples of cocking-up a childhood comes from no-other than the Jackson family. Whilst we were left marvelled and amazed at the family’s dance moves, they were secretly hurting inside thanks to regular whippings from father Joe. Missing out on childhood clearly affected Michael, so you'd assume that his three children would be ushered away from showbiz? Oh, how wrong you'd be.

Thankfully, Paris looks like she's decided to venture away from singing and head towards Hollywood. Yep! She’s going to be in a film! Good thing the movie industry hasn’t got a record of dark deeds and conspiracy, eh?

Why Not Take The Kids To See Michael Jackson’s Death House?

December 12th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

So, you and your stupid family are thinking about having a nice day out together. You don’t want to. You’d rather sit in and watch TV. However, some nagging guilt tells you there’s a world outside, so you make the gesture to others in a bid to make you look like you give a hoot about them.

So where do you go? A theme park? A wildlife sanctuary? A stroll around a vast meadow? A place of historical significance? Banger racing?

OF COURSE NOT YOU BLITHERING RAT BRAIN! There’s only one place worth going to these days, and that’s Michael Jackson’s death house! That’s right! Now that Jacko’s house has been opened to the public, you can stick your nose into the possessions of the recently deceased! Isn’t that wonderful?

Dr. Conrad Murray Sexily Appeals His Conviction And Acts As His Own Sexy Lawyer

December 5th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

At the moment, ?Sexy? Dr. Conrad Murray will be inside a jail cell, confined to a space that?ll make him feel like an animal at the zoo. Last week, justice was delivered to Michael Jackson?s former doctor as punishment for his the star’s manslaughter.

Four years was the term handed down by the judge who deemed Murray a danger to society. Unless he ran around America striking people with hepatitis tipped syringes, he seemed okay in our book. After all, he hadn?t killed anyone before or practised voodoo magic rituals.

Then again, Murray always had an uphill battle as this wasn?t a case against a normal member of society. This was Michael Jackson, a bloke who was famous around the world. Not just for his singing, but his face morphing ability and reliance on painkillers. As expected, this trial rolls on with Dr. Conrad Murray set to protest his innocence.