Articles tagged with: confirmed
Madonna/Guy Ritchie Divorce: And There’s Your Confirmation
Well that wasn't long - just hours after Madonna and Guy Ritchie were thought to be divorcing, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing. Madonna's spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg has just issued the statement we've all been waiting for - the one that says Madonna and Guy Ritchie were living a hate-filled lie and that their Christmas present to one another this year will be that they both get to legally have sex with other people because, yes, they're getting divorced. Notice, though, that the divorce statement came from Madonna's spokeswoman as opposed to a joint statement from Guy Ritchie and Madonna together. Wow. We're starting to get the feeling that those two might not actually get along.
Well that wasn't long - just hours after Madonna and Guy Ritchie were thought to be divorcing, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing. Madonna's spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg has just issued the statement we've all been waiting for - the one that says Madonna and Guy Ritchie were living a hate-filled lie and that their Christmas present to one another this year will be that they both get to legally have sex with other people because, yes, they're getting divorced. Notice, though, that the divorce statement came from Madonna's spokeswoman as opposed to a joint statement from Guy Ritchie and Madonna together. Wow. We're starting to get the feeling that those two might not actually get along.
Ashlee Simpson Definitely Pregnant With Wentzbaby No.1
Speculation about whether or not Pete Wentz only married Ashlee Simpson because she was pregnant has been raging on for months - but now the mystery is over. He did! Pete Wentz did only marry Ashlee Simpson because he accidentally knocked her up and then felt bound by guilt and duty to quickly marry her and hope that nobody would notice. By which we mean Ashlee Simpson is pregnant! Definitely pregnant! It was never really a very well-kept secret, but apparently Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson hadn't confirmed the pregnancy before because of fears for the unborn baby. But now it's out in the open Pete and Ashlee can totally start their hardball negotiations for magazine photoshoots and baby hair straightener product endorsement deals and shit.
Speculation about whether or not Pete Wentz only married Ashlee Simpson because she was pregnant has been raging on for months - but now the mystery is over. He did! Pete Wentz did only marry Ashlee Simpson because he accidentally knocked her up and then felt bound by guilt and duty to quickly marry her and hope that nobody would notice. By which we mean Ashlee Simpson is pregnant! Definitely pregnant! It was never really a very well-kept secret, but apparently Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson hadn't confirmed the pregnancy before because of fears for the unborn baby. But now it's out in the open Pete and Ashlee can totally start their hardball negotiations for magazine photoshoots and baby hair straightener product endorsement deals and shit.
Angelina Jolie Officially Pregnant With Twins! Twiiiiins!
Anyone with even a passing interest in this stuff will have known for ages that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins. But, people, guess what - Angelina Jolie is pregnant! With twins! And this time it's official, because Jack Black accidentally shot his gob off about how many kids Angelina Jolie was hiding up her uterus during a promotional interview for Kung-Fu Panda in Cannes, and Angelina Jolie was forced to confirm it. In other unrelated news, the bear community is also kind of pissed off at Jack Black for accidentally breaking the story that they occasionally shit in the woods from time to time.
Anyone with even a passing interest in this stuff will have known for ages that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins. But, people, guess what - Angelina Jolie is pregnant! With twins! And this time it's official, because Jack Black accidentally shot his gob off about how many kids Angelina Jolie was hiding up her uterus during a promotional interview for Kung-Fu Panda in Cannes, and Angelina Jolie was forced to confirm it. In other unrelated news, the bear community is also kind of pissed off at Jack Black for accidentally breaking the story that they occasionally shit in the woods from time to time.
Mariah Carey: Now Not Shutting Up About Her Bloody Marriage
You might not realise it by the way she constantly totters around everywhere in ridiculous shoes being all like 'hey, look at me', but Mariah Carey actually has a lot of dignity. This is obvious from the way that Mariah Carey kept quiet about her marriage to Nick Cannon. She knows that weddings are sacred and personal and she doesn't want to sully that by making it public. That's our definition of dignity. Our definition of dignity also includes a) confirming your marriage to People magazine, b) selling your wedding photos to the same magazine, c) yammering on endlessly about your marriage to the magazine like a froth-mouthed nutbag, and d) getting a marriage-proclaiming tattoo across your back so even people who you aren't directly looking at can see that you're married. Mariah Carey has done all of these things recently. Perhaps we need to buy a new dictionary.
You might not realise it by the way she constantly totters around everywhere in ridiculous shoes being all like 'hey, look at me', but Mariah Carey actually has a lot of dignity. This is obvious from the way that Mariah Carey kept quiet about her marriage to Nick Cannon. She knows that weddings are sacred and personal and she doesn't want to sully that by making it public. That's our definition of dignity. Our definition of dignity also includes a) confirming your marriage to People magazine, b) selling your wedding photos to the same magazine, c) yammering on endlessly about your marriage to the magazine like a froth-mouthed nutbag, and d) getting a marriage-proclaiming tattoo across your back so even people who you aren't directly looking at can see that you're married. Mariah Carey has done all of these things recently. Perhaps we need to buy a new dictionary.
Mariah Carey Quite Pleased About Her Ridiculous Marriage
OK, that's it, it's official - Mariah Carey really is stupid enough to get married to someone she's only known for a month. For all the reports of Mariah Carey's marriage to her video director Nick Cannon, the lack of an official confirmation led many to believe that it was all just an elaborately cynical publicity stunt, albeit an elaborately cynical publicity stunt that nobody could really give very much of a shit about. But we can lay all that to rest now - Mariah Carey has emailed the editor of Vogue to tell him how happy she is about being married. Nick Cannon might have emailed some people as well, but nobody cares because he isn't famous and, besides, he doesn't really look old enough to know how a computer works, does he?
OK, that's it, it's official - Mariah Carey really is stupid enough to get married to someone she's only known for a month. For all the reports of Mariah Carey's marriage to her video director Nick Cannon, the lack of an official confirmation led many to believe that it was all just an elaborately cynical publicity stunt, albeit an elaborately cynical publicity stunt that nobody could really give very much of a shit about. But we can lay all that to rest now - Mariah Carey has emailed the editor of Vogue to tell him how happy she is about being married. Nick Cannon might have emailed some people as well, but nobody cares because he isn't famous and, besides, he doesn't really look old enough to know how a computer works, does he?
