Ke$ha, the insanely irritating popstar with a voice like a thousand nails on a blackboard, has seemingly grown something resembling a heart as she looks out toward to good people of Japan and thinks “you’ve really suffered enough”.

As such, she’s decided to cancel her upcoming tour of Japan after the country was hit with a catastrophic earthquake and tsunami.

While the country grieves and suffers continued quakes, they certainly don’t need to hear someone singing about ‘Glitter Puke’ or performing the immensely grating ‘Blah Blah Blah’.

Ke$ha released a statement explaining the postponement through her Japanese promoter, Creativeman Productions, saying:

“My heart is with Japan right now through this disaster and these hardships. I genuinely don’t think right now would be appropriate timing for me to perform in Japan given the content and the spirit of my show, which is all about feeling exuberant, rowdy, and wild.

“I plan to bring my party there and to that part of the world when we are all ready to dance and Get $leazy together again.”

“In the meantime I am going to do everything I can to help relief efforts and I encourage everyone in the world to do the same.”

She probably muttered ‘besides, I don’t want to die over there – no offence.’

Even better for Japanese people is that Good Charlotte and Hoobastank have also cancelled shows over there. It almost makes us wish for a British natural disaster.

Almost.

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Despite our best attempts to distance ourselves from the real world in the hope that one day Jessica Rabbit will leap out of our TV and have rampant sex with us, we have to be realistic.

This is because no-one has developed a TV that can do such a thing, and also because there is some sort of financial crisis going on.

Yup, everything costs more and everyone is feeling the pain. Even the simple pleasures of life are being taken away. No more so then in Japan where Janet Jackson, the tit-bearing member of the Jackson circus, has had to cancel a few shows.

Because a bowl of rice now costs the same as a brand new Mercedes and has to feed a family of four for three weeks, everyone in Japan is feeling the financial strain. It must be crushingly disappointing for little Akira and Daiki, who dreamed of saving up their hard earned Yen to see one of the less popular Jacksons perform.

It doesn’t seem likely that Michael Jackson will perform any time soon, due to him being confined to a wheelchair. Not even Jermaine and Tito can persuade the baby-waving maniac to rejoin The Jackson 5.

Janet Jackson would have then been the next Jackson to tour the country and make a bit of cash. But with sister LaToya just leaving the Celebrity Big Brother house, there are magazine deals and endorsements to be had. Annoyingly, this pushes Janet even further down the Jackson pecking order.

With the western world not giving a toss, what could go wrong with Japan? It is a nation known for being slightly mental and lapping up most music that America produces. An easy ploy to make some money and shift a few records, right? Wrong!

Unless you were bought a ticket for Christmas and had to pretend you liked it, this news may excite some of our Japanese readers. BBC News reports:

“Japanese concert promoter Kyodo Yokohama said the singer cancelled five concerts due to take place in February, blaming the global financial crisis”.

However, does Janet know something that world leaders, banks and ourselves don’t? Despite these gigs being cancelled it appears that they aren’t gone for good. BBC News again tells us:

“The gigs in Japan will be rescheduled later this year, with new dates expected to be announced in March.”

March! That’s only two months away. Does that mean that our financial crisis is over and we can go back to our old ways of teasing the homeless with £10 notes?

If this news is true, then maybe Janet Jackson is the saviour of the world and we should all bow to her at regular intervals whilst kissing a porcelain cast of that tit that she exposed during the Super Bowl.

Or maybe she’s just worked out that more people will be able to buy tickets if she postpones the shows for a couple of months. Either way, we want to kiss a tit.

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By all accounts, going to one of Amy Winehouse's recent concerts has been a bit like funding a pikey's drug addiction by paying to watch her stare off into the middle distance and make a noise like a chicken choking on a shoelace.

However, it's not something you'll be able to again this year – Amy Winehouse has cancelled everything for the rest of the year; something she apparently decided two hours before she was set to play a show in Bournemouth last night. Hopefully Amy Winehouse cancelled the tour to focus on getting healthier and improving her state of mind rather than, say, sitting around in her house taking every drug ever invented. But let's not hope that Amy Winehouse disappears completely for the rest of the year, otherwise hecklerspray might spend December as a sort of barren wasteland, kept alive only by the possibility that Heather Mills might say "paedophile" in a funny high-pitched voice on GMTV again. 

Since her husband Blake Fielder-Civil got banged up in custody for allegedly smashing up a man's face and then offering him money to lie about it, Amy Winehouse's concerts have basically been performances of Birds Of A Feather: The Nightmarish Musical, except with the bleak whimsy of the original sitcom replaced with what appears to be a yowling transvestite docker who can't quite work out he's supposed to be doing.

And the emotional stress of seeing her husband locked up – coupled with her ongoing struggle with substances – has led to some fairly interesting Amy Winehouse performances lately, whether they involve slicing a big rug into several smaller rugs or prompting boo-filled walkouts with her general ineptitude. But not any more.

Why? Has Amy Winehouse decided to seek treatment for her drug addictions, therapy for her emotional problems and a stricter tour manager who won't let her keep walking offstage or threatening her audience with violence? No, she's just sacked everything off instead.

Amy Winehouse has cancelled all existing arrangements for 2007 – namely concerts in Bournemouth, Cardiff, Manchester, London, Belfast and Dublin – and said in a statement that:

“I can’t give it my all on stage without my Blake. I’m so sorry but I don’t want to do the shows half-heartedly. I love singing. My husband is everything to me and without him it’s just not the same.”

If any of this sounds familiar, it's probably because it is – in August Amy Winehouse cancelled her American tour because she was so off her face on drugs, and now she's cancelled another one. The financial implications of this will be huge – it's estimated that Amy Winehouse has lost around half a million pounds in ticket sales, plus promoters might pass over her in the future thanks to her relentless unreliability, instead choosing to pick someone more likely to turn up to shows – Sly Stone, perhaps, or John Lennon. 

But let's be serious – compared to Amy Winehouse's mental and physical recovery, a few cancelled concerts won't hurt anyone in the long run. And we're sure that Amy Winehouse will make up for her wayward behaviour more than ever in 2008 – where she'll have recovered enough to take her glassy-eyed, out-of-tune, awkwardly-stumbling roadshow out to more slightly disappointed paying customers than ever before.

Read more:

Amy Winehouse cancels latest tour with just two hours' notice – Times