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No X Factor Please, We’re British

by Randy Figgins

Just when you thought X Factor was over, it reappears like that case of genital herpes you’ve been struggling with since you came back from that long weekend in Bognor. You disgust us. Coincidentally ‘you disgust us’ was the reaction had by more than 1000 viewers of Saturday’s X Factor Final. But ‘Angry from Guildford’ [...]

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The X Factor Is Rigged Part 629: Treyc Had Three Times The Vote Of Katie

by Mof Gimmers

Oh, you’re going to love this! That, or you’ll be bored. Or nonplussed. Whatever. You’ll definitely have some, or no response to some news about The X Factor. Okay? We’re cool now? Good. When you’re in London, you’re only ever three feet away from someone saying that you’re three feet away from a rat and, [...]

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X Factor’s Katie Waissel Is A Lesson In How To Be Unpopular

by Mof Gimmers

We all know that The X Factor is a big con, right? It’s poised and scripted to within an inch of its life. And in the thick of the scripts, there’s always been a definite feeling of certain acts who have the air of ‘ear-marked to win, for the sake of a narrative’. One such [...]

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Outrage As People Keep Wagner On The X Factor And Cheryl Cole Mimes! Did We Mention Outrage?

by Mof Gimmers

It’s ludicrous that people watch The X Factor and expect to see a singing contest. It has been on television long enough for everyone to know exactly what it is all about – and that’s putting bums on sofas in front of the television. No more, no less. It’s as music based as WWE is [...]

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X Factor Caught Up In Fix Row After Tesco Thrown Money At Mary Byrne

by Mof Gimmers

Mary Byrne is not a new televisual sensation. There’s a lot of people out there who thrill every time she sings on The X Factor because they’ve convinced themselves that, because she’s older/bigger-boned/not particularly good looking, she’s somehow ‘realer’ and more talented than the other contestants on the show. The sad truth of the matter [...]

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X Factor’s Chloe Mafia Will Take Her Clothes Off For Money But Will Not Have Intercourse With You, Okay?

by Mof Gimmers

You know that girl who was on The X Factor who looked like she was related to the Cuprinol Man? Yeah. The prostitute one called Chloe Mafia. Well, we’ve got bad news for you – you can’t say ‘the prostitute one’ now because she isn’t a prostitute. Of course, you can imply she’s a lady [...]

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X Factor Promotes Prostitution With Chloe Mafia (And hecklerspray Worries About Rates Going Up)

by Mof Gimmers

The X Factor at the weekend went even further into being the British version of WWE, with back stage brouhaha, oddly torsoed greased up pig-men and of course, accusations of being one massive con. The ‘big’ ‘story’ of the show wasn’t concerning anyone of noticeable singing prowess, but rather, the appearance of Chloe Victoria (or [...]

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Simon Cowell Offered £20 Million By ITV For X Factor And Britain’s Got Talent

by Mof Gimmers

Some of you lot hate Simon Cowell’s TV shows so much that you are compelled to leave angry, incoherent, sweary messages on Hecklerspray (and, of course, superior sites) that would make a riot horse blush. Well, ITV have come up with a package that can ensure that it is never seen on television again… but [...]

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The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent’s Future In Doubt As Simon Cowell Threatens To Quit

by Mof Gimmers

Simon Cowell has an amazing ability to polarise opinion. Some think of him as a great TV dame who is there to provide high-camp in a sea of TV seriousness. Others meanwhile, seem to hate him so much that they tune-in for his shows, just so they can turn their back on them and tut [...]

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X Factor – FIXED?

by Mof Gimmers

X Factor is like WWE Wrestling, only for girls. Simon Cowell looks like Vince McMahon. The format is spookily similar. There’s pantomime villains. There’s entrance music, comic booing and foam fingers. Oh, and it’s all one massive fix.

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