community service - HecklerSpray

Lindsay Lohan Facing Now Crushingly Inevitable Legal Trouble From Rehab

July 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan may want to walk away from trouble, but the fact is, trouble isn’t prepared to let her go. Trouble, in this instance, is like a jealous ex who won’t let her get on with her life because he knows that LiLo is super fun when she’s evading the law and falling flat on her face, hammered on cheap cocktails.

And so, after a really boring house-imprisonment, it looked like Lohan was going to start working on films again and giving us leeches absolutely nothing to write about.

AND THEN! PRAISE BE! Remember that woman who said LiLo smacked her upside her head in rehab? She’s back. And she’s back with a million dollar lawsuit!

Lindsay Lohan Flashes Her Boobs During Community Service, Gets Drunk And Thinks Of Corpses

May 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

We liked Lindsay Lohan when she was a drug addled, diamond stealing, near-alcoholic who indulged in all manner of sexual activities, with not a care in the world what people thought of her. That’s our kind of celebrity.

If you’re going to be wealthy and influential, then it is your duty to exploit it. It keeps schmucks like us in stories and, most importantly, seething jealousy.

However, since the long arm of the law caught up with her, she looked like she was going to turn into some famous bore like Ben Fogle. Yet we still had hope when she appeared in court dressed like a Milanese prostitute. And now, she’s finished her community service, she’s back on the piss!

Judge Tells Kid Rock To Please Leave The Troops Alone

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

As Kid Rock probably wrapped his mullet around an enemy’s neck for the purpose of strangulation that night in a Waffle House, well that must have felt pretty good.

This is all theoretical, of course, but we think the temporary surge of power must have been so invigorating he just wanted more. He wanted his strength tested. In his mind’s eye he probably saw himself physically beating up all kinds of things that would be awesome to beat up, like King Kong and a string of zombie popes.

And the US military. But a judge just ended that last dream forever.

Boy George To Punish (ex) Co-Workers With Free Concert

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Boy George is taking it back to the streets of New York; the very same ones that he tore a new a-hole a couple of years back.

But rather than being armed with a sweeping brush and a dashing outfit, he’ll be back to what he’s more used to. Well, he’ll be back to what he was more used to a decade or two back when he still had a career beyond ‘celebrity’ DJing.

That’s right sanitation workers of NYC – Boy George is going to play a gig for you! All for you! Even you! And you! Not you though.

Woo Hah! Busta Rhymes Hit With Community Service

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Remember when Busta Rhymes got in trouble for beating up a load of people all the time?

Remember how much trouble Busta Rhymes was going to be in? There was talk of jail sentences so lengthy that all future Pussycat Dolls releases would have to have 35 seconds of silence in the middle where his guest rap would have been.

But time heals everything, or so they say, and instead of getting thrown in jail Busta Rhymes has to complete just 10 days of community service. Don't think that Busta Rhymes is getting an easy ride, though – if he offends again the punishment will be much harsher, and frankly we'd be stunned if Busta Rhymes is capable of going 10 days in the community without starting at least 450 fights.

Busta Rhymes Avoids Jail For Being All Violent

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Not so long ago, Busta Rhymes was alleged to have duffed up so many poor suckers that we thought he'd easily wind up in jail.

However, Busta Rhymes isn't going to jail at all. Earlier today, Busta Rhymes copped to a plea deal that means he'll have to do 10 days of community service for attacking an employee and a fan instead of the full one year jail stretch.

But ha! The joke's on you, Busta Rhymes – sure, you might have thought that 10 days of community service is the easy option, but as a celebrity if you'd have settled for jail you'd have only actually been locked up for 23 minutes and a lovely cup of tea. Nice one, durr-brain.

Lindsay Lohan Plays With Your Blood

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As great as community service is, we can't imagine a more unsettling sight than lying back to give blood and seeing Lindsay Lohan hovering over you like some sort of skinny vampire.

But for a handful of lucky Los Angeles blood-donors, that's exactly what they'll see. Now that she's finally out of rehab following her DUI arrests, Lindsay Lohan is now accepting her punishment – 10 days working at an American Red Cross blood services facility. Yesterday Lindsay Lohan worked a seven-hour shift at an LA blood bank, and is expected to do the same again today. Working her community service at the blood bank is thought to be the closest that Lindsay Lohan has ever come to giving blood, because even after rehab the residual amount of booze left in her system would probably be enough to curdle a normal human's heart if it was ever used in a transfusion.