Remember when you lot liked Frankie Boyle? Remember when you watched Mock The Week and thought it was ‘alright’? Remember when you realised how awful it was? Remember when Boyle turned into a poor man’s Jerry Sadowitz/post-modern Roy Chubby Brown?

Of course you do. You’re still supremely sore about it. You’re irked and wounded because someone you once liked has gone so very, very shit.

And worse still, you’re irritated because Boyle is so very good at winding you up. That’s exactly what he’s doing right now, by wishing a raping on comedians Josie Long and Richard Herring. God, he’s a twitter outrage dream isn’t he?

So what’s he done?

Well, in his new book – which we can’t remember the name of because we, like you, have absolutely no intention of actually buying it – he’s gone and made a distasteful joke… WHICH IS A MASSIVE SURPRISE ISN’T IT?

Basically, Chortle report that he’s written down a depraved daydream that imagines

“Richard Herring being ‘fucked to death’”

He also muses on Josie Long (admittedly lovely)

“inhabiting a monkey body and being raped by a similarly simian Hitler”

And, with a wearisome predictability, Twitter goes into full outrage mode, giving Boyle approximately a million times the attention he would’ve had if everyone simply ignored it.

This kind of publicising has of course been mastered by the Daily Mail and the Fox News Network, which preys on liberal outrage… which of course, is the best kind of outrage.

Why? Because all the complaining wet-farts are simply going to complain… and complain… and complain… and that’s it. Nothing else. They’ll sit there with their arms folded like sulky toddlers in a supermarket, bottom lips stuck out kicking their thin little legs to no avail.

These people are, of course, the same people who grow moustaches for charity and are politically active, provided you don’t have to do anything beyond putting your email address into an online petition.

We saw a similar level of pathetic outrage when Ricky Gervais repeatedly used the word ‘mong’. Mong, granted, is not a very nice thing to say… but the response from an online community who still says things like ‘that’s well gay’, refers to androgynous people as looking ‘like trannies’ and doesn’t mind calling a friend a ‘spazz’ is a bit rich, right?

While Boyle is, without question, a tit who likes to make crass comments for his own amusement, at least he’s canny enough to feed on the pointless outrage that exists and turn it into a decent mortgage payment or ten.

So well done to you saps for that. Perhaps we should wish a raping on you spazzofaggotAIDSnegroes too, just to provoke some kind of traffic gobbling return too?

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The first pictures emerged this week of Daniel Craig filming the opening scenes of the movie adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s book, ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’. Despite the fact that there is already a movie version of the book (the first in Larsson’s best-selling Millennium trilogy) by Swedish director Niels Arden Oplev with an all-Swedish cast, Hollywood have decided to come along and give it some jazz hands and add a star turn, making it into one of the most highly anticipated films of 2011, because, well, that’s what Hollywood does, innit?

Some fans of the books are a little bit upset about this new remake, fearing that it will not stay true to the original work, many saying it’s unnecessary to make a film about a book that’s already been made into a film about a book, with concerns that an all-star Hollywood cast will somehow dilute the power behind the story, blah blah blah, moan, moan, moan etc.

Well, we can tell you for nothing that Hecklerspray is not the moaning type (ha!). We’re sure the Swedish film is great but we’re busy people and can’t be doing with subtitles and although there’s no doubt that the original Swedish actor is more Blomkvist than Craig, we at HS, are delighted about the inclusion of James Bond.

We’ve read all three books and found them utterly compelling, even if we did skim the boring bits (mainly the bits with politics and that which if you’ve read the book you’ll know means about 90% of it but to be fair when you don’t know anything about British politics, why on earth would you need to know anything about Swedish shenanigans?).

This news meant that Daniel Craig was going to get his kit off and we could have a good old perv at him whilst eating a box of popcorn bigger than the collective hecklerspray head in the cinema (the cost of said popcorn invariably involving a second mortgage or perhaps the sale of a kidney).

Shortly after seeing the pictures, HS got its copy of TGWTDT out and started highlighting areas in the story with potential for swimming trunks action (we’re not stupid, we’ve seen the James Bond pictures). However, it quickly became clear that the chances of Daniel/Mikael getting semi-naked were pretty slim. Mikael doesn’t really do anything in the book but sulkily skulk around being investigative, power up his iBook and smoke fags. Oh, and sometimes he shags women and solves Sweden’s most unsolved crimes and is generally a hero but those bits are purely fillers.

HS was a bit gutted about the lack of phwoar-inducing action until we had a genius idea. The one thing that Mikael does do, in fact, the thing that he spends 90% of his time doing, is making coffee and eating sandwiches.

Now, we like coffee and sandwiches, but Mikael takes it to the extreme. If there was an Olympic event for eating sandwiches and drinking coffee, Mikael Blomkvist would be the world champion ten times over. When you think about it, it’s no wonder he’s always so moody, he must be severely lacking in Vitamin C if all he eats is bread and can you imagine his breath?

Anyway, back to the genius idea: coffee’s hot right? And you wouldn’t want to spill it on your trousers, particularly as you are a top journo solving a deeply complicated mystery and have no time for such humdrum as washing and ironing. And we all know that Swedish sandwiches are usually ‘open’ and involve some kind of random fish and a lot of mayonnaise and we all know what a bastard a mayonnaise stain is to get out, even with Pink Vanish.

What we’re suggesting is, every time Mikael eats a sandwich or drinks a coffee, he does it standing in his pants. It’s efficient, especially if he’s about to go to bed or he’s just been captured by a serial killer who took all his clothes, and it saves on washing which in turn is good for the environment and heaven knows we could all do with being a bit more responsible with our carbon footprint.

So, each time he drinks a coffee or eats a sandwich he does it in his underpants. And 30-something housewives all over the world get a little bit of Craig in their lives (or a big bit, if the camera angle’s right). There you go Mr Hollywood, write that into the script. There’s a box office smash for you, no mistake.

Incidentally, HS did go to Sweden once, for a meeting. We ended up on an industrial estate drinking some kind of lemonade thing surrounded by men in business suits eating rollmop herring. We planned to go into the centre of the city for a bit of culture afterward but ran out of money in the taxi so had to stop on the outskirts where we spent the afternoon with a mad woman who wanted to check HS’s chakra, with only a copy of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ for company (don’t even get us started on that book).

We couldn’t even find a bloody IKEA, which was a shame as our stupid editor demanded tea-lights. Anyway, we won’t be rushing back.

This disgusting article was dribbled over by Betsi Doodle

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Now that Clay Aiken has decided to announce he’s openly gay, his life is bound to change in many exciting and scary ways.

For example, Clay Aiken might find himself starting to enjoy the music of Bette Midler more that he did before, and there’ll be moments when he finds the movie Mamma Mia genuinely touching rather than tacky and bad. But most of all, Clay Aiken will find himself at the centre of a Rosie O’Donnell statement.

In fact, Clay Aiken already has. In a brief statement given hours after it emerged that Clay Aiken was gay, Rosie O’Donnell told the world that she ‘loves’ Clay. Oh Rosie – Clay Aiken isn’t going to love you back, you know. He’s gay now, and that means he doesn’t like women. But don’t worry Rosie O’Donnell, you’ll find a good man one of these days.

Now that she’s not on The View any more, and all of her subsequent television plans have fallen through, Rosie O’Donnell only has two ways to remind people that she exists.

The first of these is her blog, where readers can discover exactly what Rosie O’Donnell thinks of topics as varied as what she thinks of Dancing With The Stars and… wait, no, that’s it.

The second of Rosie O’Donnell’s ways is to make declarations on the newly-gay. Essentially in this respect it’s best to think of Rosie O’Donnell as the gay version of the nice woman who shows you round the office on your first day of work – you know, the one who only does it because she’s alienated herself from all the other workers and has to latch onto the new-starters for company, and who you feel bead for ignoring after a week because she sort of smothers you.

So obviously, Rosie O’Donnell was going to be all over yesterday’s news that Clay Aiken is gay. This is her bread and butter – after all, Clay Aiken is so newly gay that he probably doesn’t know any of the conventions yet. Like the one about only wearing semi-transparent mesh vests that show off his nipples from now on, the one about the compulsory moustache and the all-important left to right gloryhole entry system that was implemented to stem the tide of excruciating penal collision.

That’s the stuff Rosie O’Donnell can help with. So, what did Rosie O’Donnell decide to say to Clay Aiken? E! Online reports:

“I love Clay,” she said. “He is a beautiful man in every way.”

Why Rosie, that’s as sweet as it is completely untrue. However, we’re going to forgive you just this once, because you were probably just saving time by not rolling out the full-length “I love Clay. He is a beautiful man in every way. Except for his hair. And those weird wolfy teeth he’s got. And his speaking voice is really anything but beautiful. And when he smiles his eyes disappear and it’s kind of creepy. I think that just about covers it. Oh, and the way he dresses. Yeesh.”

But still, Clay Aiken must be grateful that a high profile member of the gay community like Rosie O’Donnell has decided to show her support for him in this uncertain time of his life.

It must be nice to have anyone show their support for him, in fact, just because it makes a change from the deep awkward silence that Clay Aiken has received from everyone else because they always just presumed he was gay anyway and didn’t realise there was supposed to be this big secret about it.