collapsed - HecklerSpray

You may have seen photos of Michael Jackson's bruised and scarred new face – but so what? 'Michael Jackson Has Plastic Surgery' isn't news, it's an event so regular that horologists use it to keep timepieces accurate.

But 'Michael Jackson Has Plastic Surgery Because He Was Punched In The Face By A Child And His Lips Exploded' – now that's news. Fortunately, that seems to be the exact thing that happened to Michael Jackson recently. According to reports, the reason why Michael Jackson suddenly needed surgery on his face was because his five-year-old son Prince Michael II accidentally smacked him, causing his mouth to 'burst and collapse' in the style of a gruesome straight-to-DVD horror movie. Reports that Prince Michael II then went for a knife, wailing "And this is for You Rock My World" are as yet unconfirmed.

With a history like hers, Liza Minnelli must count herself lucky every second that she doesn't suddenly get ill, fall out of a tree or get trampled by a herd of furious stoats.

And, in the big scheme of things, Liza Minnelli collapsing and falling off the stage during a concert in Sweden really isn't the most important thing that's ever happened to her. But it is the most recent, so we'll go with that. Liza Minnelli collapsed and fell off the stage during a concert in Sweden on Wednesday night, and was briefly hospitalised before returning to America. Although Liza is recovering well, that'll be cold comfort to the Swedes – a 61-year-old woman with a funny haircut ploughing through her billionth rendition of New York, New York as part of a slightly overpriced Christmas carol concert would have been the most exciting thing to happen to Sweden, probably since the invention of herring.

Kid Punches Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson’s Lips Explode

Liza Minnelli Falls Off Swedish Stage