Posts tagged as:

cocaine

Steve-O Charged For Cocaine, Hospitalised For Mental Weirdness

by Stuart Heritage

You might want to sit down for this, but Steve-O from Jackass – a man who staples his scrotum and attaches leeches to his eyeball for a living – might be mentally not great.

Steve-O has been charged with felony cocaine possession following his weird recent vandalism arrest, but there’s more. It’s also been reported that Steve-O is currently on 14-day hold in a mental hospital after he allegedly sent suicide emails to all of his friends and started putting cigarettes out on his body.

It seems that Steve-O’s condition might be worse than anyone anticipated, which is probably why he should expect a call from the producers of How I Met Your Mother any day now.

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Amy Winehouse Single-Handedly Destroys All Of Africa

by Stuart Heritage

This must be Amy Winehouse’s lucky year – not only has she won five Grammy awards but she’s also single-handedly caused the destruction of an entire continent.

And that’s not just us saying that – the UN says so too, so it must be true.

According to a UN bigwig, every time Amy Winehouse glamorises drug-taking, it helps to fuel the African cocaine trade and recklessly creates corrupt ‘narco-states’. And worse still, Amy Winehouse is becoming a cultural icon in Africa, and those poor people have got problems enough as it is without feeling the need to stagger round their villages in just their bra shouting “My Blakey!” all the time as well.

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Kerry Katona’s Unborn Baby Already A Chip Off The Old Block

by hecklerspray staff

According to the ever-reliable News of the World, the walking arsehole known as Kerry Katona is still taking cocaine four months into her pregnancy.

She has also allegedly been seen smoking up to 20 cigarettes at a time. But, guys, hold on a minute before you judge! It’s alright! Kerry’s not stupid. No way! Dr. Katona tells friends:

“It’s OK – you can wean the baby off the coke afterwards. It’s only booze that can cause serious damage.”

Yeah! Fuck off science! Kerry knows best. Just point your saggy bucket vagina in the direction of The Priory and fire.

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Jordan’s Dreary Drug Tale Not About Cocaine, Apparently

by Stuart Heritage

Being involved in a marriage primarily because it furthers you as a brand and gives you more shitcake anecdotes to fill your endless mind-numbing autobiographies with must be quite hard.

So it’s no surprise that Jordan got smashed on drugs not so long ago and wound up contemplating suicide.

But here’s the thing – although she’s admitted drug use, Jordan won’t say what drug she took. But she has ruled out cocaine, which means that Jordan wanted to kill herself after a binge on either heroin, prescription pills, non-prescription pills or Fisherman’s Friends. And when was the last time you saw Jordan with a cold, huh?

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Ike Turner: It Was The Cocaine What Got Him

by Stuart Heritage

If you discovered that Ike Turner died of something boring like pneumonia or old age or a heart condition, you’d be pretty upset.

After all, this is Ike Turner – inventor of rock and roll and wife-beater extraordinaire – we’re talking about. Surely Ike Turner’s death had to be as spectacular as his life.

Well it was, provided that ‘Massive Cocaine Overdose’ is spectacular enough for you. And, unless you were hoping that Ike Turner’s death was caused by a giant robot from outer space exploding him with its death rays, hopefully this will do.

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Kate Moss Might Have Taken Some More Drugs: Some Bloke

by Stuart Heritage

A supermodel taking drugs isn’t a massive surprise to anyone, less so when a supermodel takes drugs at a rave – but a supermodel’s rave-based drug-taking behaviour shocking a DJ? That hardly sounds right at all.

But it seems to be the case anyway. Two years after Kate Moss was hounded out of most of her modelling contracts following a picture of her possibly taking some drugs, it’s been claimed by a DJ that she’s at it again. Elliot Eastwick was the DJ at a recent party to celebrate Davinia Taylor’s 30th birthday, and he claims that throughout the party Kate Moss kept screaming things like “I want some gear!” “Get me some gear!” and “Who’s got the drugs?” – statements that seem innocuous enough to the average listener, but are all thought to be carefully-coded underworld slang-phrases that can only be understood by other drug-addicts which may or may not detail Kate Moss’ desire to take some drugs.

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