9 – Ringo Starr does the impossible and gets even ruder – Holy Moly

8 – PopjunkieTV: a genuinely excellent music blog. Go see! – Popjunkietv

7 - Swearing newsreaders. More please - Best Week Ever

6 – Listen to Beyonce’s album for free now, so you decide you don’t like lit before it’s even released – MySpace

5 – Viewed from above, the Cloverfield monster was actually a bit crap - Google Maps

4 - You’re right, 60 Belgian women all singing Creep by Radiohead would sound quite good – Takingtigermountain

3 - This book has made us incredibly jealous all week. It’s good, too – Popbitch

2 - Want to know how Alvin And The Chipmunks could get any more horribly annoying? Here you go – YouTube

1 – THEREMIN CAT! - YouTube

And on that basis, Cloverfield is probably the best film of all time. It's been reported that the movie is causing so much nausea in cinemas that ushers are staggering out of screening covered from head to toe in a nasty mixture of puke and semi-digested popcorn kernels. Almost.

Not because Cloverfield is gory, mind you – it's because the camera whooshes around all the time like we don't know what.

As we all know, record-breaking monster movie Cloverfield has been dubbed 'the social networking Godzilla'. Not because the Cloverfield monster just invited us to join a Facebook group called 'Woooarrrrrgggh! Hwuuuurgh!' – which is true – but because the whole thing's filmed in the style of a gang of pikeys making Diet Coke bottles explode with Mentos in a council estate carpark on Youtube.

And that's been a bit of a problem. Some Cloverfield audience members have been complaining that the fast-paced, shaky camera style have left them unable to follow what's going on. And that's mainly because they've been overcome by the uncontrollable desire to spray every piece of food they've ever eaten out of their mouths like it's a lumpy petrol pump. The Boston Herald reports:

“About 15 minutes into the movie my stomach started to hurt,” said Chris Hyde, 25, of Lynn, who saw the flick the night it opened. “Forty minutes into it, I had to close my eyes I was so dizzy. Finally, I left. It took me about an hour afterwards to recover.” “I had to get up and leave the theater for nearly 20 minutes just to keep from hurling,” said one blogger on the popular movie website IMDB.com. CNN reported that there have been similar complaints across the country from moviegoers.

That's the main problem with Cloverfield replicating a typical shaky Youtube video – while it's fine to watch that sort of thing in a window the size of your big toe on a computer monitor, if you blow it up onto a screen that's bigger than your house and make cola-filled pick-n-mix scoffers sit in a dark room watching it, people are going to get motion sickness.

However, it's worth remembering that so far there have been no reported cases of actual Cloverfield-inspired vomiting. And that's a let-down, to be honest. Maybe in the inevitable Cloverfield sequel Matt Reeves can go all out and film everything by hanging cameras from the ceiling by pieces of string on a boat in the middle of a stormy ocean. That's bound to get people throwing up.

Or just cast Drew Barrymore in it. Same result. 

Read more:

Monster-ful ‘Cloverfield’ does barf-o box office – Boston Herald  

Even though it's only been out for less than a week, it's been reported that a Cloverfield sequel is already in the works, with director Matt Reeves already brimming with ideas on how to gobble up every last penny explore every last creative avenue that a Cloverfield sequel would open.

However, if a Cloverfield sequel is made, let's not forget the lesson that The Matrix taught us – that no sequel is complete without a lengthy underground slow-motion rave scene. 

We'll give JJ Abrams one thing – he might be responsible for Lost, a TV show that can't answer a single question unless it's given 12 hours and the keys to the flashback cupboard first – but he knows how to hype a good movie.

Ever since trailers for the then-untitled Cloverfield hit the internet, the planet has been abuzz with questions like "Did a monster do this?" and "Really? The Statue Of Liberty's head is that small?" – and they've only grown louder since Cloverfield was released, culminating in Cloverfield's record-breaking weekend box office yesterday. 

And as we all know, where there's cash, there's a sequel. So although Cloverfield apparently succeeds because of its ambiguity and – we assume – all the characters die at the end – director Matt Reeves is still talking up the possibility of Cloverfield 2: On The Rocks. Monsters And Critics quotes him as saying:

"Only time will tell. While we were on set making the film we talked about the possibilities and directions of how a sequel can go. The fun of this movie was that it might not have been the only movie being made that night, there might be another movie! In today's day and age of people filming their lives on their iphones and handy cams, uploading it to YouTube… That was kind of exciting thinking about that."

Of course – because Cloverfield is made from fragments of supposedly 'found' videotape, there's no reason why there can't be infinite versions of the same story told. We now know how the vapid party hipsters coped with the Cloverfield attack, but what about other people who'd have cameras on them, like the tourists, or the hapless TV documentary crew, or the amateur porn enthusiasts? What about their story?

This could happen because everyone has a camera of some sort on them most of the time, as this is the social networking generation and Cloverfield is the social networking Godzilla. And that's true, because we were just Facebook-poked by the Cloverfield monster because it's just updated its status from 'Raaaauuuuuurrrgh!" to "Groooaaaauuuuurrrrgh!"

But anyway, Matt Reeves can kid himself that the Cloverfield sequels will exactly follow the timeline of the original exactly from different perspectives, but he knows in his heart that they won't. Cloverfield 2 might, but then Cloverfield 3 will want to answer questions about the attack and be filmed like a slick, traditional blockbuster from the perspective of the military.

Then Cloverfield 4 will be released, where the monster will have a wisecracking cartoon meercat sidekick, and then everyone will get sick of Cloverfield for five years until Rob Zombie offers to do a reimagining of the original Cloverfield with an industrial heavy metal soundtrack and a long scene that shows the monster being bullied at school by an older kid who looks identical to the Statue Of Liberty to show where it got so angry.

Still, rather that than Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, eh?

Read more:

Cloverfield Director Talks Sequels – Monsters And Critics 

But how could it possibly not be? Ever since the Cloverfield teasers flickered into life six months ago, the movie was always going to end up topping the US weekend box office. How good is Cloverfield exactly? According to weekend box office grosses, it's 82 times better than Woody Allen's new film.

But then again we recently did a shit that was 83 times better than Woody Allen's new film, so that isn't exactly high praise.

On paper Cloverfield shouldn't come anywhere close to working – it's basically Godzilla through the eyes of the Blair Witch Project – but its weekend box office receipts show that actually it does. Of course, Cloverfield has its detractors who say that a movie about New York under attack demeans the memory of 9/11, and, of course, they're right.

In fact, early audiences have reacted negatively to some of Cloverfield's scenes – especially the ones that painfully evoke memories of seven years ago when Al Qaeda sent armies of eight-foot lice onto the streets to explode people by sort of crawling inside them.

Here's this week's weekend box office top five:

1 – Cloverfield (Now that it's been proved that you can make any movie a success if you make it with shaky hand-held cameras operated by screaming actors, let's cross our fingers that the movie about the vegetable pirates gets this treatment soon) $41,000,000

2 - 27 Dresses (We're not even going to pretend that we know what 27 Dresses is about, because it's called 27 Dresses for the love of God. We want to watch films called Exploding Robot Death, not 27 Dresses, you Hollywood idiots) $22.427,000

3 - The Bucket List (At least with a film about terminal illness you know there probably won't be a sequel on the cards. If only 27 Dresses ended with everyone getting leukaemia, we might be able to make the same comforting assumption. It might do, actually, for all we know. We haven't seen it. Honest) $15.150,000

4 - Juno (The heartwarming teenage pregnancy comedy that's winning fans over around the world while simultaneously turning them on to folk music sung by giant rabbits who drink their own piss. Take that, 27 Dresses!) $10,250,000

5 - National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (New releases not in the US weekend box office top five include a film by Woody Allen, the much-hyped new Katie Holmes movie and the Pamela Anderson epic Blonde & Blonder. 27 Dresses, however, is in the US weekend box office top five, even though it's a film about 27 bloody dresses. What's happened to the world?) $8,148,000

Read more:

Weekend Box Office – Box Office Mojo