Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Urgh. Alec Baldwin is such a killjoy. Sure, he seems like a nice, funny guy and, in fairness, he’s put up with a lot with that mental god-fearing brother of his who looks like the melted waxwork version of himself.
But seriously, why take it out on those lovely elephants?
See, Baldwin is urging Americans to boycott circuses because of the way they treat elephants, even though it is obvious that elephants have a blast in the big top! They stand on their back legs with glee don’t they?
Even if you’re a Michael Jackson fan, it’s fair to say that his life was rather peculiar by the time he was about to depart this Earth. You could argue that he was one of the world’s great eccentrics. You could also argue that he’d completely lost his mind.
And now, we’ll be able to see a cartoon version of his world as Cirque du Soleil are taking Neverland Ranch on the road.
That’s right – the acrobatic troupe are planning some Michael Jackson themed shows which will be set in a version of the singer’s famed Californian home, under the banner of ‘Michael Jackson, THE IMMORTAL World Tour.’ Not hyperbolic at all, eh?
It’s good to end your year better than you started it – Britney Spears has, but only because she was cheating.
Britney Spears’ 2008 is ending with her new album Circus at number one in America – and she’s also the first ever SoundScan artist to have four albums sell 500,000 week-one copies.
So well done – Britney Spears’ year has ended better than it started. But then again she did start it in a mental hospital – Britney could have caught Ebola off a rabid zombie meerkat while falling down a lift shaft and the year would have still been an upswing for her.
Circus by Britney Spears is easily one of the top five most-anticipated squelchpop albums released by a psychiatric patient this year.
But so far there’s been so much kerfuffle about everything surrounding Circus – like the documentaries, the artwork, the tracklisting, the likelihood of Britney Spears going berserk and smearing her genitals up and down a shop window a day after its release – that nobody really knows what Circus by Britney Spears actually sounds like.
Well, we do. And it seems like the classic Britney Spears sound is back – you know, sort of generic and forgettable and not very good. How do we know this? Because all of Circus by Britney Spears is available on the internet. Where on the internet? Why, right after the jump if you close your eyes and believe enough.
Britney Spears called her new album Circus because her life is a circus – she either plays the Sad Clown or the Bearded Lady in it, by the way.
But, aside from the fact that it’s called Circus and the lead single from it sounds like a berserk feminist cyborg running out of power, nobody knows a darn thing about Britney Spears’ new album. Until now, that is, because the album art and tracklisting to Circus by Britney Spears has just been released. We know. At least try to contain yourself.
From what we can tell from the sleeve, Circus by Britney Spears seems to be a concept album about a slightly morose woman spending so much money on lawyers in a failed attempt to win custody of her children that she’s resorted to getting her album art done on the cheap in one of those bleepy Japanese photobooths you find in arcades. As for the tracklisting, you’ll need to read on for that.
Everything is in place for the Big Britney Spears Comeback – she has a new song, a new video and she’s learnt how to wear clothes properly and not cry again.
There’s just one thing missing – the grovelling atonement for all of her wrongs. But, wait, because that’s coming too – Britney Spears has announced a 90-minute MTV documentary all about her personal upsets, to be called something like but not necessarily Britney Spears: Yeah, Sorry About Shaving My Hair Off And Screaming About How I’m The Devil And Stuff.
It’s hoped that the documentary will be Britney Spears’ way of describing all the terrible mental anguish she’s been through in past through years, so that hopefully everyone can understand her side and put it behind them. Well, not all of Britney Spears’ mental anguish, obviously – it’s only a 90-minute documentary and she’ll probably want to spend more than a fifth of a nanosecond describing each of her individual character flaws.
You may have heard that Britney Spears is back – and for once ‘back’ doesn’t mean ‘back sobbing on a pavement with no knickers on’.
Britney Spears is actually back. Back doing singing and dancing an dancing and stuff. As we recently reported, the new Britney Spears album Circus will be released in December. But it’s going to be preceded by a single called Womanizer, and that single’s been leaked, and we’ve got it here.
So does Womanizer mark Britney Spears’ stunning return to cultural relevancy? It’s actually hard to tell, because the leaked version is 38 seconds long and sounds like it was recorded from a mobile phone onto another mobile phone in a tin bucket full of jelly down a well in space. But we’ll just assume that it doesn’t, anyway. We’re bastards like that.
As evidenced by her nanosecond appearance at the MTV VMAs recently, Britney Spears is back to her best, and that can only mean one thing.
Yes, that’s right – Britney Spears has got a new album coming out soon. According to a just-released missive from her record label, Britney Spears’ new album is to be called Circus and will be released on December 2, with a new single entitled Womanizer coming out next week.
It’s exciting stuff, but why has Britney Spears chosen to call her new album Circus? Well it’s easy – Britney Spears wanted to name her album after the best description for the inside of her own head. Other contenders for the album title were Swirling Kaleidoscope Of Terrifying Cackles, The Theme-Tune To Taxi On An Unrelenting Loop and Barely-Pulsating Gloop.
