If you had to extort one former supermodel, chances are Cindy Crawford would be last on your list.
What could you possibly extort her with? Naked pictures? Everyone’s already seen Cindy Crawford naked. Embarrassing videos? She starred in a mid-1990s erotic thriller with William Baldwin – it’s scientifically impossible to get any more embarrassing than that. Then what could possibly be left to extort Cindy Crawford with?
A photo of her seven-year-old-daughter tied to a chair and dressed in revealing clothes? And someone’s already beaten you to the idea by trying to extort Cindy Crawford with that exact thing? Oh. And, also: yeurgh.
There is a book coming out called The Michael Jackson Tapes, and it looks set to send a few jaws hurtling towards the floor, then shattering, whilst eyes pop out on stalks, then go back in again. Kind of like in cartoons. Because, in the book, the crazy melty-clownface, during an interview with a learned Oxford University rabbi, thought he’d explain his admiration for Adolf Hitler, list a few women he could probably have done it with had he felt like it, and, at one point, he thought it would be wise to give a pair of child murderers a great big hug.
Celebrities are rebels, we don’t need to tell you that. You’ve seen them, with their breast augmentations and their drugs parties – sticking two fingers up at convention. 
