Christmas - HecklerSpray

Kourtney and Scott Together; Kim and Kanye Apart?

December 3rd, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

It’s been a real rollercoaster of emotions for the Kardashian/Jenner sisters these past few months, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be getting better anytime soon. Over a year after they broke up because of his cheating and alcohol/drug problem, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick have (not-surprisingly) gotten back together.

Sadly, sister Kim probably won’t be having as happy a holiday season as Kourtney, because, aside from still-overcoming her own traumas after her Paris robbery, her husband, Kanye, just got released from the hospital after his apparent mental breakdown and isn’t living with her and their two kids.

What I Hope Celebs Got For Christmas

December 26th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

So, Christmas was yesterday, and between the holidays, grad school, and being wicked pregnant, I’ve been super busy and slacking in the blogging department (I’m sorry if that spoiled your holidays). I had a pretty great Christmas Eve/Day and got some great gifts (for a 28-year-old woman I got a weird amount of Olaf from “Frozen” stuff), and I assume most celebrities got great gifts, too, since, you know, they’re rich.

However, just because they all probably got what they wanted, it doesn’t mean they got what they needed. For instance, Kylie Jenner probably got?the expensive lip liners she wanted, even though what she needed was to calm the fuck down with her drawing on fake lips game. Here are a few things I hope some celebs got for Christmas this year.

Charlie Sheen Is Back To Hating His Other Ex Wife

December 17th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Oh snap, I think someone is drinking dragon’s blood again.? Charlie Sheen is back to writing creepy ass poems and posting menacing pictures on his Twitter account.? Shocking enough, these weren’t aimed at his crack loving ex wife, Brooke Mueller, or the DCFS.? Instead this time Sheen is pissed off at his second ex wife, Denise Richards.

Way to remind everyone why you have custody of NONE of your children, Charlie.? Shit, even Shoot Em Up Mueller has more of a chance of getting them back than you.? That’s just pathetic.

The Most Ridiculous Celebrity Santas Ever

March 23rd, 2013 By Chris Starr

We are but DAYS away from St. Nick sliding his way down your chimney (have you ever thought that actually, what Santa does is breaking and entering?) and like everyone else, celebrities are of course willing to dress up and impersonate the great man himself for your delectation.

But why would you want to do that? It seems strange that celebrities are willing to crush the dreams of children everywhere by saying that actually, Santa isn’t necessarily some fat dude at the North Pole. He can also be Katy Perry stretching her gamine limbs on stage at the Jingle Ball.

John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John Are Creepy and Pathetic In New Christmas Music Video

December 7th, 2012 By Chris Chambers

John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John have teamed up for a new Christmas album that is guaranteed to make you want to jump off a bridge. In addition to standard Christmas songs, like “Silent Night” and “Winter Wonderland,” the album?features?one new song written for the erstwhile Danny and Sandy by John Farrar who also wrote Grease’s “You’re the One That I Want.”

The new song,?”I Think You Might Like It,” is?definitely up there among the?worst songs you will ever hear. Trust me. And the video is even more horrifying.

Z-List Celebrities Make Idiots of Themselves in Pantomimes

November 23rd, 2012 By Chris Starr

Ah pantomime. One of those weird British traditions that are almost impossible to explain to anyone else who has never grown up with them. How do you rationally say why you spent ages 4-10 shouting “he’s behind youu!!!” to a man dressed up in women’s clothes?

There are no two ways around it: pantomime is very strange. But it’s what we have as a tradition, and God damn it, we need to celebrate it. Like Churchill, world wars and the empire, it’s something that might not necessarily be our best face, but it’s quintessentially British. In recent years, though, something has changed.

Beyonce Is Looking A Bit White These Days – MLK Would Be Proud!

January 18th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

Skin?s nice, isn't it? The biggest organ of all the other organs in your body, according to the internet (though our liver is probably jostling for that accolade), and really good for when you want to stop your other, smaller, organs from falling out and making a mess on the carpet.

Its also pretty good for making a special outfit to wear to old Buffalo Bill?s Valentine?s Day party.

People always say you need to look after your skin, which we do by maintaining a full, thick layer of Vaseline at all times. Beyonce has been looking after her skin, though, by making it white! Seriously. Step away from the Tippex, B, people are starting to think you might be a bit of a racist.

Beyonce Talks About Her Stupid Baby And Jay Z Being Covered In Poo

January 17th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Beyonce is, no doubt, about to fill her Facebook with pictures of her baby despite the fact it has no hair, can’t talk, is probably doing a shit right now and essentially, is like every other baby on Earth. New parents are ghastly aren’t they?

Worse still, is that people are constantly asking people how ‘baby’ is before launching into high-pitched squeaking and saying things like “Amoojieboobieboo? Schmookibaba? BABA? Boogliewoogiedoo? Awopbopaloobop alopbamboom!“

So now, Beyonce has given her first interview about Blue Ivy Carter (who recently became the youngest person to hit the Billboard chart apparently… we’re not sure… didn’t Stevie Wonder have a baby on Isn’t She Lovely?) and she won’t stop going on about it. She even talks about Jay Z being covered in faecal matter.

Jay Z Will Not Be Calling Women ‘Bitches’ Anymore, Apart From You Slags

January 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Jay Z famously had 99 problems but, a bitch wasn’t one of them. And from now on, bitches won’t ever be a problem because he’s decided that he’s not going to degrade women anymore. And it’s all because he’s had a stupid baby with a stupid name.

Ain’t life a funny thing?

Seriously. The rap mogul has vowed to drop the word from his lyrics after the birth of Blue Ivy Carter. Now he’s got someone to care about, he’s realised that referring to women as bitches isn’t really that nice. Of course, his wife, mother and any other female family member must feel more than irked because he’s been happy to call that lot bitches for the best part of 20 years. There’s more! Jiggaman must be extra sensitive because he told us this news via a poem! A POEM! All this, while someone was naming a species of fly after his ‘bitch’, Beyonce.

Everyone Hates Beyonce Now She’s Bothered Some Droogs In A Hospital

January 12th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

It is testament to how much people hate parents when you consider that, prior to having a baby, Beyonce Knowles was quite possibly the most admired woman on the face of the planet. And now look at her…

EVERYONE HATES BEYONCE.

See, she’s had her baby with Jay Z, sidestepped the fake bump rumours and slapped the name of Blue Ivy on the child, but it was her time in the hospital that has seen everyone go from COO! to BOOOOOO! I HATE YOU! YOU ROTTEN STINKER! And now, there could be some kind of official investigation at the hospital where Blue Ivy came into the world.