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At the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, Drive was loved so much that, when the movie finally finished, everyone leapt to their feet to give it a standing ovation. A film. A standing ovation.
One can only assume that this ovation must have been like the tears cried by a hostage when they receive a rare moment of kindness. That’s because Drive is one of the most overrated films on Earth right now.
Only a complete, dithering simpleton would dare disagree.
Christina Hendricks is a real inspiration to allegedly real women. This is mainly because she’s got curves which are acceptably not-fat.
Disagree? Stop thinking about her large breasts then. Fact is, this pin-up for wimminkind is just as objectified as any other fancied human. No-one likes her for her brains or what she’d said. As far as history is concerned, she’s never spoken a word, ever. Still, at least she hates children. Read More >>>
What’s a really bad television series to re-boot? Would it be the one that was on at the fag-end of the Seventies that your Dad showed an unhealthy interest in and that gifted you with nothing more than unsettling memories of your parents arguing as you were hurriedly sent to bed amid accusations from your mother directed at your father of infidelity with “that bloody telly whore”.
Yeah. That one.
So why not re-invigorate the whole sorry affair for a new generation, and release some pictures of new star Adrianne Palicki wearing a PVC costume that suggests that she is preparing to attend the world’s tackiest hen night?
The world of filmed media is going comic book crazy at the moment. They’ve finally realised that there’s a whole bunch of stories out there, with the tone, setting and image already nailed, waiting to be turned into a moving picture. Duh.
And the latest reboot is Wonder Woman, cashing in not only on comic book nerds, but fans of the camp ’70s TV series which featured Lynda Carter.
The lady who’ll be playing our Amazonette is Adrianne Palicki who you’ve probably never heard of. Unless, of course, you’re a teenager who has stared longingly at her breasts online for a while.
Christina Hendricks is a woman. Obviously. We know this because of her gigantic breasts. Of course, because she isn’t particularly thin, she’s become the go-to woman for fatties to promote ‘curves’.
Alas, ‘curves’ is just as unattainable as the supposed ‘size zero’ because ‘curves’ tends to mean ‘massive boobs and an impossibly tiny waist and holding your stomach in during photoshoots’ as opposed to one continual curve that makes you look like the letter ‘O’. A letter ‘O’ covered in kebab meat.
Anyway, Hendricks is seen as a struck blow for wimmin’s lib, despite the fact she’s objectified just as much as any other famous, attractive human. And this particular lady is probably going to be the next Wonder Woman.
When will programme makers learn? You take something to satellite TV and you pretty much guarantee that the vast majority of people move on and find something else to love. Look at Richard and Judy’s career. Only 3 people watched The Wire away from the box-set versions, and they were mental fanboys who never stopped talking about it.
And so, the same will happen with Mad Men. Yes indeed, it’s bad news for you fans of the show as you will have to pay to watch the series from next year, with BSkyB having offered a significantly larger sum than the BBC currently forks out.
We’re afraid you’ll have to stare at Christina Hendrick’s clothes/tits online from now on. Read More >>>
Here at Hecklerspray, we are an esteemed bunch of distinguished gentlemen (with the odd stylish woman thrown in for good measure). We’ve been known to put on a suit, slick on the Brylcreem and slap a lady on the derriere – we’re only human after all.
So it’s no surprise then that we are all big fans of the retro endeavours of Mad Men, in all its charcoal-suited glory. It’s also no surprise that we’re not the perfect specimen of humankind either; just look at Stu – you’ll often find him strolling through underpasses licking homeless people (apparently to know what failure tastes like). It’s this thinly-veiled underbelly of man that makes Mad Men such a compelling viewing experience.
The inhabitants of Sterling Cooper aren’t quite what they seem, and Season three continues to chip away at the 1960’s antiquated attitudes towards society. So it’s not exactly another bombastic sensory bombardment of cheap action, ad-break cliffhangers and smoke monsters.
Until now, Christina Hendricks has been suffering – slaving away on a show that barely anyone watches.
She’s been ignored by the masses. But not any more. Although she’s been noticed by every single viewer of Mad Men – which, despite all its critical acclaim, still amounts to three middle-aged men and a barely-interested dog – now Christina Hendricks is ready to hit the big league. And by ‘big league’ we mean ‘the league where millions of 14-year-old boys masturbate relentlessly to magazine photographs of her in a pair of pants and half a gallon of warmed-up goose fat’.
That’s right, Esquire has just named Christina Hendricks as America’s best looking woman. Read that again. She’s only America’s best looking woman. You see, Christina Hendricks may have flame-red hair, a perfect body and a constant sultry expression on her face, but she’s no match for Britain’s Pat Butcher. That’s right, we said it.
