Beauty, as we all know, is on the inside. If it’s on the inside of a leggy blonde woman, we’ll have to make do.

Christina Applegate is a leggy blonde woman. But that’s not why she’s just been named as number one in People magazine’s Most Beautiful list. Christina Applegate has been named as number one in the Most Beautiful list because she’s beaten cancer. Breast cancer, mind you, not one of those cancers that makes your head all bald and face look all weird. Ugh.

Also in the Most Beautiful list, Zac Efron. He’s such a pretty little girl.

Without question, the day that People’s Most Beautiful list comes out is the best day of the year. We don’t know about you, but if we weren’t annually reminded that there are a group of people who are infinitely better looking than us, infinitely richer than us and who experience infinitely more happiness, sexual activity and levels of relaxation that we could ever even imagine, then we’d probably throw ourselves off a bridge or something. Honestly.

It’s testament to how much People magazine cares about us that it still publishes the Most Beautiful list in this time of financial uncertainty. True, it’d be cheaper and just as effective to publish one magazine a year where every page reads ‘YOU ARE SCUM’, ‘YOUR FACE OFFENDS US’, ‘WHAT’S THAT SMELL? OH, IT’S YOU’ and ‘WHY DON’T YOU KILL YOURSELF. WHY DON’T YOU LITERALLY GO AND ACTUALLY KILL YOURSELF, YOU DISGUSTING UGLY BASTARD. GO ON. LITERALLY KILL YOURSELF. CUT YOUR FACE UP WITH KNIVES FIRST, THOUGH, BECAUSE THE CORONER STILL HAS TO LOOK AT YOU. UGH’ in massive type, but it still goes the extra mile. We love you, People magazine.

And since the last two people named as People’s Most Beautiful person of the year were the skinny blonde actresses Kate Hudson and Drew Barrymore, the magazine has decided to mix up the formula this time and give the award to Christina Applegate, the woman primarily famous for being a skinny blonde actress.

Actually, that’s a little unfair. In the last year, Christina Applegate has overcome a gigantic personal hurdle by beating breast cancer. And in a way, that makes her even more beautiful. Not because we subscribe to the belief that true beauty only reveals itself through struggle, but because her new fake bangers are quite sexy. People reports:

The Samantha Who? actress, 37, underwent a double mastectomy, followed by reconstructive surgery. “It’s a decision that you made to save your life,” she says, noting one positive effect: “I don’t have to wear a bra! They don’t hang down to my knees like they did before. And the gals look good in tank tops.”

So who else made it onto People’s Most Beautiful list? Why, Halle Berry, everyone from 90210, Freida Pinto, Christina Aguilera, Michelle Obama, Taylor Swift and Zac Efron, to name but a few. Who’s the odd one out in this list? It’s Zac Efron, of course. He’s the only one on the list who has never experienced a recognisable human emotion.

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You can call it brave, you can call it smart, but regardless of what words you want to use to describe it, Christina Applegate has kicked the botty of cancer by having her boobs lopped off in a double mastectomy.

As selfish as it may be for her to deprive her fanbase of those fine assets, we do think that maybe – just maybe – her life is worth more than a couple of breasts. Not much, but still more.

Plus she gets to have augmented ones fitted now, that can’t get cancer and can shoot lasers and stuff. Maybe. It would certainly make for some interesting scenes in Anchorman 2: Tits of Doom.

We reported a couple of weeks back on Christina Applegate and how she had revealed she had breast cancer, but was set to make a full recovery. No one was quite sure at the time how, but it has now been revealed that the 36-year-old took a huge step – not only physically, but career-wise.

Hollywood is a place that judges a person very much on their looks, and Christina has risked a lot by having her physical appearance so drastically altered. But hey – it does mean she isn’t going to die, so it’s all good.

Showing a remarkably good sense of humour, Applegate said these words on ABC News’ Good Morning America, with absolutely no cancer in her body whatsoever:

“I’m going to have cute boobs ’til I’m 90, so there’s that. I’ll have the best boobs in the nursing home. I’ll be the envy of all the ladies around the bridge table.”

Kudos to her. She’s not going mental on a blog about things barely anyone cares about, nor is she getting in the news simply on the merit of being young, called Miley Cyrus and getting her jailbait figure out solely to make everyone in the world a bit uncomfortable.

But Applegate’s decision wasn’t one born of the desire to have incredible bazongas at a ridiculously late age – it was down to the cancer, unsurprisingly:

“I just wanted to kind of be rid of it. So this was the choice I made and it was a tough one.”

Following up on how the mastectomy has affected her in negative ways, leaving her upset and wallowing, Christina then went on to say those irritating inspirational words that mean you can’t help but have respect for the woman:

“I’ve laughed so much in the last three weeks. I love living, and I really love my life, and I knew that from this moment on it was only going to be good that was going to be coming. Yeah, I’ll face challenges, but you can’t get any darker than where I’ve been. So knowing that in my soul gave me the strength to just say, `I have to get out there and make this a positive.’”

Can’t argue with that. While it may not be the best of years for celebs dying, at least it’s being a shitty year for cancer. Take that!

We’ve been told Bernie Mac is at death’s door, only to then be told no, actually, he isn’t, Patrick Swayze was then diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, then we get Shia LaBeouf and Morgan Freeman both involved in car accidents. And let’s not forget both Elizabeth Taylor and political commentator Robert Novak’s recent turns for the worse.

Now it’s Christina Applegate’s turn to join the celebrity illness pile, as it was revealed she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Certainly 2008 is not the best year for celebrity health.

Applegate, 36, has been a keen supporter of cancer charities – especially breast cancer – for most of her life. Unlike a lot of poser celebrities who only jump on the bandwagon once an illness affects them directly, Christina has helped countless fundraisers over the years without the need for any personal prompting.

Which makes it all the better to hear when her representative released this statement:

“Christina Applegate was diagnosed with an early form of breast cancer. Benefiting from early detection through a doctor ordered MRI, the cancer is not life-threatening…Christina is following the recommended treatment of her doctors and will have a full recovery.”

See – that’s more like it. Someone who actually comes across as a genuinely nice person, who actually puts her heart into a cause before she has a vested interest in doing so should be getting better.

This leaves Christina Applegate open to appearing in a remake of ‘Married… With Children’ as well as ‘Anchorman 2′ – we all know how much Hollywood loves its lack of imagination, and Applegate will apparently be around for a fair while to get on board, so it’s win win!

Oh, and don’t forget the long-overdue sequel to ‘Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead’, which we at hecklerspray are all champing at the bit to go and see.

Though, to be honest, the basic premise would be pretty hard to recycle for a sequel; what with the title giving the entire plot away for the first film – it would be hard to think of something to top that little ditty.

And frankly, why would Christina Applegate need a babysitter at 36? Mere technicalities, of course, Hollywood will surely find a way.

As seems to be pretty much the norm over the last year or so, we’re sending out more of those positive space-beams we’re trying to make popular, and wishing Christina a speedy recovery.

It’s quite annoying not being able to stir things up as we normally would… normal service will hopefully be resumed when everyone in Hollywood stops trying to die.

Oh, and for those wanting to know more about breast cancer: go here.