Articles tagged with: Christina Aguilera
Ever since gorgeous Marilyn Monroe stepped out with George-Formby lookalike Joe DiMaggio, a handful of famous stunners have continued the trend of unveiling their new boyfriends to the sound of a thousand showbusiness journalists dry puking whilst attempting to write short hand. Surely the rules dictate that great looking people should stick to their own kind, not dabble in the swamp waters of the ugly pool? Not so, say these five beautiful rebels...
As we all know, there's only room for one gormless-looking, vaguely past-it American blonde dimwit in the world of pop at a time. And, as we speak, that gormless-looking, vaguely past-it American blonde dimwit happens to be Britney Spears, with her shiny hair and lovely big desperate-looking eyes. That's not great news for Christina Aguilera, who also happens to be a gormless-looking, vaguely past-it American blonde dimwit. She's got a new album coming out soon! Grr! But Christina Aguilera is nothing if not resourceful, and so to promote her new video Keeps Gettin' Better she's decided to become a gormless-looking, vaguely past-it American purple-haired dimwit instead. That's fiendishly clever of Christina Aguilera - so fiendishly clever that it almost made us forget that the song is dreadful. Almost. Video after the jump.
Probably the last taboo of motherhood is admitting that you feel affection towards your baby, because it's crass and almost definitely a lie. But Christina Aguilera is all about shattering taboos - she shattered the one about not honking like a wounded moose in songs for starters - and that's why Christina Aguilera has just made history as the first woman ever to publicly say that she actually enjoys spending time with her baby. Of course, Christina Aguilera's comments happen to neatly tie in with the launch of her new fragrance, so there's every chance she was just being deliberately controversial to stoke up sales. Incidentally, we heard that the new Christina Aguilera perfume is inspired by her first few months of motherhood, which is why it smells like a mixture of yellow poo and her own tears.
Now we know that sometimes popstars and reality star bumpkins can be easy targets for mockery, scrutiny and cheap laughs. That can be said for the first 15 episodes of X-Factor as we all wonder why a fat lass from Wigan who sounds like she’s singing through her nostril thinks she can win. Some people, however, get past cocky comments from judges like Simon Cowell and go on to make a decent living, before descending in to the world of Big Issue selling – just give Leona Lewis another 18 months. It was the great old days though, when manufactured singers were poached from the Mickey Mouse Club. Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera have both left the iron fist of Disney to lighten up our lives. But no-one has done this more so than Britney Spears, whose early glittering career really has gone up shit creek without a paddle. Now, leaked video footage from a Las Vegas gig captures Britney’s “live vocal†not sounding too peachy.
Christina Aguilera might be beautiful no matter what they say, but that doesn't give her the right to splash around her pool making sex noises like a mortally wounded buffalo.
Because that's what she does you know. Christina Aguilera's neighbour said so.
Apparently Christina Aguilera and her husband enjoy nothing more than frolicking around naked in their pool, screaming and swearing and 'making sexy noises' much to the annoyance of the elderly people they live near. Nobody seems sure exactly what these sexy noises of Christina Aguilera's are, but we're willing to bet they don't involve her singing anything because, face it, that's about as sexy as listening to a walrus being kicked to death by an alcoholic.
One of the perks of being a famous woman is that if you ever have a baby, magazines will pay you millions of dollars to take photos of it.
And that's true whether you have an adorable baby or an angry pink monster with freakish little grasping fingers that creep you out every time you look at them. Like Christina Aguilera's baby.
Now before you get upset, remember that we're not the ones saying that. People magazine paid $1.5 million for exclusive photos of Christina Aguilera and her new baby Max, but since hardly anyone bought the issue, it's basically you who are saying that Christina Aguilera's baby is a ridiculous, funny-to-look-at waste of everyone's time. And you should be ashamed, damn you.
Wailing popstar Christina Aguilera has given birth to a baby boy and decided to name it after a superhero robot from the future.
According to a post on her official website, Christina Aguilera gave birth to Max Liron Bratman on Saturday evening. While congratulations should obviously be extended to Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman, we shouldn't forget that this will be a stressful time in the Aguilera household, filled with abnormally loud off-kilter shrieking and various nauseatingly unpleasant sights and smells.
But we're sure that Max Liron will get used to his new mother sooner or later.
So we've established that Britney Spears isn't very pregnant at all - but that's OK because Christina Aguilera seems like she's pregnant enough for the entire flipping world.
If, like us, you were surprised by Christina Aguilera's coy little pregnancy announcement earlier this month and thought "Restraint? Christina Aguilera? Surely not" then prepare to have your preconceptions validated - Christina Aguilera has decided to pose for the cover of Marie Claire magazine with her bare pregnant gut hanging out like some kind of massive fleshy baby-filled blister. And if the sight of Christina Aguilera's giant naked pregnant belly isn't enough for you, Marie Claire also features the top 57 sexy winter skin buys. Fun!
