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Christie Brinkley

Christie Brinkley Divorce: Porn! Porn Porn Porn! PORN!

by Stuart Heritage

Hey, you think it’s bad that Christie Brinkley’s marriage ended because her husband started plonking his man-sausage into a teenage girl he met in a toyshop?

Well, you don’t even know the half of it. During the first day of the gloriously public Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce trial yesterday, it was claimed that Cook spends around $3,000 a month on porn websites. What an idiot – why doesn’t he just illegally download his pornography for free like the rest of us do?

Now, we’re no mathematicians, but even if Peter Cook found the time to solidly jerk himself into a frenzy three times a day to internet pornography, that still equates to about $33 per ejaculation. $33! For that money he could buy a fresh pair of ladies shoes each time and wank into them instead. That’s what most men would rather do, right? Right?

Just us?

Hey, you think it's bad that Christie Brinkley's marriage ended because her husband started plonking his man-sausage into a teenage girl he met in a toyshop? Well, you don't even know the half of it. During the first day of the gloriously public Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce trial yesterday, it was claimed that Cook spends around $3,000 a month on porn websites. What an idiot - why doesn't he just illegally download his pornography for free like the rest of us do? Now, we're no mathematicians, but even if Peter Cook found the time to solidly jerk himself into a frenzy three times a day to internet pornography, that still equates to about $33 per ejaculation. $33! For that money he could buy a fresh pair of ladies shoes each time and wank into them instead. That's what most men would rather do, right? Right? Just us?
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Christie Brinkley Gets All Like ‘Boo Hoo Hoo’ Over Her Divorce

by Stuart Heritage

Christie Brinkley has got divorced so many times that you’d expect her to see them through with the grim dead-eyed precision of an abattoir worker taking out livestock.

Shows what we know, huh? In fact, Christie Brinkley has turned up at the courthouse on the first day of her divorce trial looking so weepy and emotionally frazzled that we were half expecting her to literally tear her own heart out of her chest as a graphic demonstration of what her cheating husband did to her.

Christie Brinkley was so upset, she says, because she really didn’t want her divorce to reach a courtroom. We can see her point – it must be galling to have to go through a painful experience like a divorce in public. Especially when, like Christie Brinkley, you’re the one who doggedly stipulated that the trial had to be conducted in public in the first place. We’re welling up just thinking about it.

Christie Brinkley has got divorced so many times that you'd expect her to see them through with the grim dead-eyed precision of an abattoir worker taking out livestock. Shows what we know, huh? In fact, Christie Brinkley has turned up at the courthouse on the first day of her divorce trial looking so weepy and emotionally frazzled that we were half expecting her to literally tear her own heart out of her chest as a graphic demonstration of what her cheating husband did to her. Christie Brinkley was so upset, she says, because she really didn't want her divorce to reach a courtroom. We can see her point - it must be galling to have to go through a painful experience like a divorce in public. Especially when, like Christie Brinkley, you're the one who doggedly stipulated that the trial had to be conducted in public in the first place. We're welling up just thinking about it.
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Christie Brinkley Divorce: Send In The Unusually Young Other Woman

by Stuart Heritage

The Christie Brinkley divorce has been such a long time coming that we were starting to think there had been an amicable settlement or something equally horrific.

Thankfully, though, there hasn’t – and next week Christie Brinkley’s soon-to-be ex-husband Peter Cook will find out that revenge is a dish best served cold. In public. That gets as legally close to indelibly branding ‘I cheated on my wealthy former supermodel wife with a girl I met in a toystore’ across his big stupid head as possible.

And what’s more, the toystore girl in question – Diana Bianchi – is ready to truthfully testify if she’s called to the divorce court. But only if she’s called at certain times of the day – you won’t get a peep out of her if the testimony clashes with Teletubbies.

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Christie Brinkley Wants A Divorce For All The World To See

by Shawn Lindseth

Divorce is a painfully-personal process that often comes with embarrassment and shame. hecklerspray's been through it like 4 times. In the first one our wives got the house, in the second one they got the cat and in the third they took the children. The fourth time through it the wives got the first-wives' house, [...]

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