Christian Bale is like a real life Batman, by which we mean, he’s a very wealthy man who can’t stop meddling in people’s business. First, he got bothered by some Chinese security while trying to visit some deaf bloke or something… and now, he’s mucking about with vagrants!
See, two tramps started having a scrap and Bale wasn’t having any of it!
Over Christmas (yeah, this is hot off the press!), the Batman star stepped in to break up a fight between two horrible pungent homeless men in California. Was he doing it for the good of those fighting? OF COURSE NOT.
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What could be better than repeatedly smacking an A List celebrity about the head? It must be a great laugh! And that’s exactly what Chinese government-back guards did to Christian Bale when they saw his famous bonce.
They clearly couldn’t refuse the opportunity to beat Batman up. You can’t blame them really, can you?
Of course, the goons didn’t catch a bus to Bale’s house, especially to clobber him, rather, Bale was trying to visit a blind lawyer. Can’t get a decent lawyer in Hollywood Christian? What? This is some human rights issue or something?
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In the genre of sport movies, the boxing movie is king, the undisputed champion. In fact nowhere are the recurring themes of sport movies more prevalent or integral. Boxing provides expression to the inarticulate, allows the underdog to achieve, invites relationship-fracturing obsession and is rife with politics- all essential ingredients of the genre.
David O Russell’s latest film does not shy away from these clichés, it simply works within them as well as it possibly can.
Is this is a problem? Why should it be? Genre movies regularly achieve greatness. Westerns are strengthened by their confined narrative parameters so why not movies where the frontier is a pitch/ring/court?
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Phones are such an integral part of our lives that scientists are currently trying to implant a phone inside a gerbil’s face.
Once those tests are complete, expect a generation of babies to already be switched on when it comes to communication. Forget Bluetooth handsets, Constant Understanding Nerve Technology will make crap signal reception a thing of the past.
When that happens, the telephone will be missed, not least because Christian Bale and Mel Gibson have provided us with moments that show it to be one of the best inventions ever. Angry, angry moments. And now, thanks to the wonders of technology, IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY’RE SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER!
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Batman 3 rumours are film’s vuvuzela – they’re so annoying that most people have stopped noticing them.
But forget rumours. This is something teetering dangerously towards fact. According to reports, Batman 3 – the follow-up to The Dark Knight that will definitely be directed by Christopher Nolan and will definitely star Cher as Catwoman and Johnny Depp AND Eddie Murphy as The Riddler (or something) – is set to be released on 20 July 2012.
That’s great news. Not only will Batman 3 be a nice warm-up for the Olympics, which begins a week later, but it also gives Christian Bale a good two years to practise losing his temper so that he can fulfil the historical tradition of looking like the universe’s most colossal bellend right before it gets released. Hooray!
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Thanks to some unfortunate incident called Charlie’s Angels, the regrettably named McG has been tarred with the same brush as his peers Brett Ratner and Uwe Boll.
In fact, his handle on the Terminator story turned out to be a surprisingly decent entry into the muscular Arnie franchise.
McG knew he had much to prove, this would be an Arnie-less sequel for a series he owned from the moment his naked buttocks walked in front of the lens. So, with Bale serving as the ‘name’ on the banner it may come as a surprise that he actually has far less to do here than expected.
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It had it all – a furious star, a nonsense story, an oddly-named director – but now Terminator Salvation has more.
That’s right – Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sort of. Even though it opens next month, Arnold Schwarzenegger still doesn’t know if he’ll be in Terminator Salvation or not. He might be, but only if producers insert footage from the first Terminator into the new film.
Which is rubbish. We want Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator Salvation in real life, perhaps as a demonstration of the time Skynet got drunk and made a murderous robot that looked like a fat old man for a laugh.
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Hey kids, here’s the new Terminator Salvation trailer – and, though we hate ourselves for saying this, it looks pretty good.
But we warned, the trailer does give away some pretty important Terminator Salvation plot details – like the bit where Christian Bale realises that the only way to beat the invincible machine army it to loudly berate it for trashing his scene, mock the way it walks by screaming “AH DA DA DA DAH” at it and then inform it that he’s finished with it professionally. So, you know, watch it at your own peril.
