Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
The hype surrounding the new Batman film (Batman 3 or The Dark Knight Rises… it’s up to you what you call it) is getting bigger and bigger, with the entire world stalking its every movement.
Seriously. No other film has been as spied on during the shoot like this one has.
And there’s more of it. And it’s great. How about a giant fight scene, a video of Batman and Bane going at it and a sneak peak of Catwoman on a motorbike? If you’re crying ‘YES PLEASE!’, then get yourself over the jump.
Batman: The Dark Knight Rises, is probably the most highly anticipated film release floating around the ether at the moment. The superhero genre has been revitalised by the brooding adventures of Bruce Wayne and everyone is intrigued as to how the whole thing will wrap up.
As such, each little morsel and near-set fanvid has been met with many a watering mouth.
And here’s the news: it’s pretty much a certainty that Christopher Nolan’s revamp will be getting shown in six-minute prologues in various cinemas at Christmas time. BUT WHERE? Well…
Catwoman, oh Catwoman. Good looking, sexy and kinky in the ’60s and regrettably less-so from the ’90s onward, you are going to return to our pathetic lives in your figure-hugging suit with your wily charms and depraved purring.
But we’re slightly worried. Anne Hathaway is the new Catwoman and we’re not sure we’ve ever seen her in a role that convinces us that she’ll be able to vamp it up enough for Batman 3, or The Dark Knight Rises to give it the proper title.
Does she look the part? Well, there’s some pictures of her on-set with Christian Bale and Gary Oldman. Make your own ‘purr’ jokes like ‘purrfect’, ‘purrlease!’ and such.
Oooh, Batman! You think you’re sooooo cool don’t you? With your Kryptonite and truth lasso. You ain’t all that. You’re just some rich kid with a load of gadgets. You may as well be one of the girls from Something For The Weekend.
If you should end up on SFTW, do us a favour and give Tim Lovejoy a pasting wouldya?
Speaking of gadgets though, last week, we showed you a sneaky peaky of the Batwing that will star in Batman 3/Dark Knight Rises. You couldn’t see much of it and it was a little disappointing. However, for you Batfans, there’s another video which has surfaced which is much more revealing.
Emo wet-dream, Batman is coming back to the cinema screens all growly and grunty, in The Dark Knight Rises, complete with hipster approved cast members, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon Levitt and Tom Hardy.
It’s just short of having a chest-tattoo, loafers with no socks on and a one-speed racer.
Speaking of vehicles, Batman 3 with feature the Batwing and, over the jump, we’ve got a video of it which should either disappoint you enormously or, indeed, make you soil yourself with a massive nerdgasm.
It’s that time of the week again where we put on industrial strength rubber gloves, strap on our personal protective equipment, snap our goggles into place and go for a swim in the murky depths of the hecklerspray post bag. There really is nothing more refreshing on a muggy, humid day than going for a swim through the tepid bile that you lot spray out of your brains.
Unfortunately Editor Mof has been forced into mediating a disagreement between two hecklerspray writers which has already seen Kris Silver thrown into a pile of discarded post bags where- unfortunately- his left hand dissolved due to the build up of acid. In hindsight he’ll feel that suggesting to Paul Pencott that he take on the role of Kris’ “business hand” has been his worst professional decision to date.
Nevertheless, while they all engage in a fight to the death, let’s take a look at how many of you have suggested that we die in a fire this week.
Tom Hardy, who stars as baddie Bane in the new Batman flick, has been a little cool on the whole project talking about its likeness to Starbucks and bleating something about ’boutiques’.? However, he seems to be relenting a bit after making an admission about his character.
He recently admitted that he thought his character in The Dark Knight Rises was ‘f*cking cool’.
Hardy also added, with no specific, pin-pointable accent, that Batfans would not be disappointed by the third and final installment of this particular wing of the franchise. And to get you a little more exited, there’s a couple of videos where you can see them in action having a big punch up.
Tom Hardy, a man of no fixed accent, is of course playing a nasty villain called Bane in Christopher Nolan?s upcoming Batman circle jerk, The Dark Knight Rises. You’d think he was pretty pleased at this well paying gig, right?
Well, not wholly. See, it seems that Hardy is looking lovingly at some indie roles because working on Batman is like working in a Starbucks.
Is that because of… er… the amount of Americanos working on the film? Is it because the Dark Knight set is… er… well venti-lated. It’s hard making jokes about Starbucks because it’s so cripplingly dull. Anyway, what does Hardy mean?
Following on from the cultural apocalypse of The Manchester International Festival comes Batman Live; another intellectual tour-de-force which sees everyone's favourite schizophrenic do battle with a bunch of villains for two-and-a-bit hours at the glamorously named Manchester Evening News Arena.
It's worth noting, straight-out-the-gate, that this isn't really a story about The Dark Knight (old Bruce gets all of three words in during the first half) and, if we were being pedantic, Batman Live really should be called Robin & A Bit Of Batman Thrown In To Sell Some T-Shirts.
Really, Batman Live is a story about Robin (arguably the most soporific character since Dr. Snoozy Time – a fictional character created for the sake of this article) and for the majority of the show, we're treated to the world according to the Boy Wonder; his likes, dislikes, favourite colour and preferential pizza topping. Straight away, It's frustrating to watch as, mainly, we just want to hang out with Batman, watch him punch people in the jaw and then drive off in the Batmobile to pick up women. Instead, we get Dick Grayson rolling about the stage making enthusiastic ?gee-whizz? noises.
In about a year’s time, there’ll be a new Batman film for us all to get thoroughly excited about. Of course, it’ll largely be the same as the previous two Christopher Nolan directed films, with Batman needing a lozenge and Gotham City indulging in a constant, half-lit gloom.
BUT IT WILL BE BRILLIANT YEAH BECAUSE BATMAN IS WELL MOODY INNIT AND BETTER THAN ALL THAT HARRY POTTER RUBBISH, YEAH?
And now, we’ve got the first teaser of The Dark Knight Rises, which will be the final instalment of Nolan’s hoarse trilogy. There’s going to be a lot of explosions and people cooing about how good it would have been if Heath Ledger had lived. Which he didn’t. Because he’s dead like a sucker.
