HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Hecklerspray’s ‘Masterpiece’ Albums Rival Zane Lowe’s Pompous Radio 1 List

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Zane Lowe, Smug cunt, Radio 1Zane Lowe is an unbearably smug son of a turd and if you disagree with that statement then you’ll probably disagree with most of this article. Ever since the days when he was sitting on a badly green-screened couch, chumming up to the Foo Fighters, Lowe has maintained the air of a man whose every musical opinion is based not on a love of music, but on a love of his own opinions on music.

The Smug-Meister-General of BBC Radio 1’s musical output has a long-running tradition of forcing his opinions down the throats of his listeners by choosing a series of “Masterpiece” albums to play, in their entirety, during his show. Thankfully this only happens once a year.

However, things are different this time.

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Fearne Cotton Forced To Wear Bikini In Front Of Chris Moyles Like He’s Jabba The Hutt

March 21st, 2011 By Paul Gibson

You may have heard that Chris Moyles – Radio 1’s captive beluga whale – has just finished doing something dead exciting.

Something more braver than what a soldier’s ever done. Something Andy McNabb would run away from, screaming like a pepper-sprayed toddler. Yes, last week Radio 1’s hot (like a panful of boiling lard) property stayed awake for longer than is comfortable. What a hero. A stalwart. A charitable chap.

Oh, and a pervert, as his last on-air wish was to have a bikini-clad Fearne Cottton enter his sweaty radio pit merely to spike his fatigue-laden libido.

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Chris Evans And Chris Moyles Lose Listeners On Radio Because They’re Idiots

October 28th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

You have to like the sound of your own voice if you work in radio. It’s the nature of the job isn’t it? However, some DJs like the sound of their own voices so much that you can convince yourself that they don’t play a single record during a broadcast, preferring instead, to endlessly dribble on about themselves into the mic, later to pass it off with a mixture of faux self deprecation and gakky self confidence.

Of course, we’re talking about the gruesome twosome that is Chris Evans and Chris Moyles. The pair locked egos recently after Moyles decided to have a whine about not being paid on time.

And hilariously, since then, both DJs have lost a shedful of listeners!

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Chris Evans Kicks Off With Chris Moyles In War Of The Dozies

October 15th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Chris Moyles is a figure that seems to be wholly loathed by absolutely everyone on Earth… unless of course, you count his millions of listeners who think he’s really funny. When he’s not using homophobic insults and staring into his own navel, he’s complaining about not being paid on time.

Yep, he kicked up a stink because he hadn’t got his pay leaving everyone at home thinking, “but surely you’ve got enough in the bank to keep you going ’til it gets sorted? It’s not like you’re on ?5 p/h now is it?”

Thanks to his little HR outburst, which he deemed interesting enough for us all to want to listen to, BBC Radio colleague Chris Evans (another gobshite) has stuck the boot in and suggested that Moyles ought to quit.

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Chris Moyles Decides That Listeners Want HR Based Breakfast Radio Shows

September 23rd, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Chris Moyles polarises opinion doesn’t he? Some like his lack of stuffy BBCness, while other hate him for his inability to play a single record in any given hour. Others, meanwhile, don’t listen to his show and don’t really know who he is. Is that everyone covered? Good.

Anyway, yesterday, Moyles had a rant about his job. A job that, incidentally, he’s done for longer than anyone else ever (or something). He’s won awards for it as well. We know this because, every time anyone criticises his show, he’s on hand to let you know with a defensively smug quip.

So what’s he been ranting about? Of all things, he’s decided to moan about his pay.

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Hecklerspray’s Monday Music Mango: Julian Plenti, Modest Mouse

August 5th, 2012 By Paul Gibson

114a4190Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of this week’s major label releases.

It’s important to start every day with a good breakfast. A fry-up has its place, but to have one every day would be foolish and lead inevitably to you becoming fat, wheezy and Scottish.

No. So how do we fuel ourselves on the bacon ‘n’ eggs off-days? With a lovely bowl of hot and steaming Ready Brek, of course. Stir in some fruit slices, and you’ve got a meal that’ll keep you full, satisfied and surrounded by a disconcerting orange glow for hours.

Our favourite Ready Brek topping? Mango.

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TV Review: Chris Moyles Quiz Night, Channel 4

August 5th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

chris-moyles-quiz-night-s1e1-20090323004054-2_625x352Guest blog! Nick Johnson!

Chris Moyles. A man so smug and unjustifiably self-satisfied that he cannot ejaculate without hearing his own name.

Despite his previous attempts at TV – Live with Chris Moyles and The Chris Moyles Show – drawing about 12 viewers, he’s been allowed to complete his hat-trick of programmes with his own name in.

Chris Moyles Presents a Chris Moyles Production of Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night is an all new Channel 4 quiz show. Actually, it’s just Chris Moyles Quiz Night, and if the lack of apostrophe doesn’t bother you, then frankly you’re worse than him.

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