Posts tagged as:

Chris Brown

Rihanna Vs Chris Brown: The Depressing Courtroom Showdown

by Stuart Heritage

So Chris Brown says he isn’t a monster. But we’ve only got his word on that.

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Chris Brown Certainly Isn’t A Monster, So Please Beleey Dat

by Stuart Heritage

Chris Brown’s been keeping quiet lately. Some might say that’s because he feels bad about the whole Rihanna thing.

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Chris Brown Didn’t Leak Those Naked Rihanna Photos, Honest

by Stuart Heritage

The leaked naked Rihanna photos, then. Someone must have leaked them. But who? What’s that? Chris Brown did? Oh, alright then.

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Is Chris Brown Using Rihanna’s Knackered Face To Escape Jail?

by Stuart Heritage

Chris Brown might wind up in jail for allegedly hitting Rihanna. And jail is the last place that Chris Brown needs to go.

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Chris Brown Is Innocent Says, Um, Chris Brown

by Stuart Heritage

Relax everyone, the panic’s over – apparently Chris Brown didn’t bludgeon Rihanna with his fists like everyone thought.

He didn’t. And we’ve got this from an entirely reliable source, too – Chris Brown. And if Chris Brown pleaded not guilty in court – which he did yesterday – then he’s not guilty. We weren’t there that night – so the only people who know if Chris Brown attacked Rihanna are Chris Brown and Rihanna.

And since Rihanna was too busy panicking about all the blood sloshing around in her mouth or being unconscious or whatever, we only have Chris Brown’s word to go on.

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Chris Brown Plays Basketball! Near Some Girls! WE MUST BURN HIM!

by Stuart Heritage

If we were Chris Brown, we’d have locked ourselves in a dark room far away from everyone long, long ago.

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Rihanna Not Having It Off With The Twonk From The Hills

by Stuart Heritage

These are tough times for Rihanna – now that she’s dumped Chris Brown, there’s nobody left to punch her in the face.

But help may be at hand. Apparently Rihanna has been linked to Frankie Delgado from The Hills. It’s weird – Frankie doesn’t have a violent temper, a girl’s voice or ridiculous dentistry, so he’s definitely not Rihanna’s type.

Not that it matters, anyway, because Frankie Delgado has denied any romantic involvement with Rihanna. She’s probably holding out for Spencer Pratt – after all, going out with turds seems to be her thing, so she may as well shoot for the moon.

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There Might Be A Rihanna/ Chris Brown Sex Tape, Upsettingly

by Stuart Heritage

Upset when Octomom turned down her porno because you can only get off by watching horrifying things?

Then this is your lucky day! Apparently the one thing worse than seeing a tape of a new mother having sex with eight men for cash – a tape of Rihanna and Chris Brown having sex with each other – actually exists and could be put onto the internet at any point.

Appalling, sure, but at the least the Rihanna sex tape might show us what Rihanna can see in Chris Brown, because it can’t be his manners. Or his voice. Or his stupid face.

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Rihanna Splits With Chris Brown: Ladies, Form A Queue

by Stuart Heritage

Say what you will about Chris Brown, but nobody looks so adorable when they’re allegedly punching your face.

That’s why Rihanna is a fool. If reports are to be believed then Rihanna has decided to ‘take a break’ from Chris Brown, either because she’s embarrassed by the negative public reaction she’s currently getting, or because he allegedly choked her unconscious and threatened to kill her less than two months ago.

But Rihanna’s loss could be your gain – if you can throw carkeys through windows and absorb several blows with your face and skull, Chris Brown is waiting for your call.

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Rihanna Remakes The Bodyguard; World Has Giant Aneurysm

by Stuart Heritage

There’s no point wondering what the stupidest thing left for Rihanna to do is, because she’s already done it.

And the second-stupidest. And the third-stupidest. And the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh-stupidest. But what’s the eighth-stupidest thing left for Rihanna to do? Why, star in a remake of a film about a woman who a man is trying to kill, of course.

Rihanna is reportedly going to star in a remake of The Bodyguard. Apparently she plans on hitting the high notes of I Will Always Love You by letting Chris Brown stomp on one of her hands. Who knew?

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