Sorry Rihanna. You may have wrapped yourself in barbed wire and sung about killing yourself, but you’ve been out-depressed.
You see, Chris Brown also has a new single out. And even though your song, Rihanna, was about blowing a gigantic hole in your own chest with a pistol, Chris Brown’s new single is immeasurably more depressing simply because it exists. It’s called Crawl, and it’s a kind of sadsack ‘I know I tried to choke you unconscious and bite one of your ears off, but I still love you baby’ plea for forgiveness.
And it’s worked. Oh Chris Brown, we could never stay mad at you, you stupid-toothed, bowtie-wearing, violent, woman-hating twat.
