Since he was arrested for allegedly knocking Rihanna about, Chris Brown has been keeping fairly schtum.

But that couldn’t last. Chris Brown has finally broken his silence over the incident, by releasing a statement saying that he’s sorry and also that he wants God to make him a better person.

Fortunately, God has nothing better to do at the moment, so he’s all for taking Chris Brown under his omniscient wing. First on God’s agenda: teaching Chris Brown that if you’re upset with a woman, you should probably consider stoning her to death. Simply choking her into unconsciousness is for pussies.