HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Rihanna A Teensy Bit Narked Off With Chris Brown’s Apology

By Stuart Heritage

Now that Chris Brown’s apologised for possibly choking Rihanna unconscious in a rage-filled attack, we can all move on.

Right? After all, he’s said sorry. True, Chris Brown might not have admitted anything, but he’s definitely sorry, and that’s what counts. So we’re bewildered by reports of Rihanna being ‘appalled’ by Chris Brown’s apology.

Hey Rihanna, he said sorry! Jeez, it’s almost like a transparently damage-limiting, vaguely-worded third party apology doesn’t make up for allegedly being attacked in the face. Maybe Chris Brown needs to move onto the next failsafe stage of contrition – a ?3.99 bunch of petrol station flowers.

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Now Look Here Chris Brown, You’ve Made Gayle King All Upset

By Stuart Heritage

Throughout this interminable Chris Brown/ Rihanna kerfuffle, one person has been keeping mysteriously quiet.

Chris Brown? No. Rihanna? Nope. We’re talking, obviously, about Gayle King. Oh, you know, Gayle King. She’s famous for being friends with Oprah Winfrey and… no, actually that’s it. Gayle King is only famous for being friends with Oprah Winfrey.

But now, finally, Gayle King has decided to step forward to share her oracle-like wisdom on the Chris Brown arrest with the world. And what does Gayle King – in all her infinite knowledge – think? She thinks that hitting women is wrong. OK, thanks Gayle. You can go now.

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