Articles tagged with: Chris Brown and Rihanna
Chris Brown Certainly Isn’t A Monster, So Please Beleey Dat
Chris Brown's been keeping quiet lately. Some might say that's because he feels bad about the whole Rihanna thing. Us? We think that Chris Brown is worried that if he opens his mouth his massive uncontrollable teeth will go wayward and decapitate a child or cause structural damage to a bridge or something. But whatever - Chris Brown has just broken his silence by appearing in a video telling everyone that he "ain't a monster". It's true. Just because he allegedly beat Rihanna to a pulp, it doesn't make Chris Brown a monster. Monsters can fly and breathe fire and crap.
Chris Brown's been keeping quiet lately. Some might say that's because he feels bad about the whole Rihanna thing. Us? We think that Chris Brown is worried that if he opens his mouth his massive uncontrollable teeth will go wayward and decapitate a child or cause structural damage to a bridge or something. But whatever - Chris Brown has just broken his silence by appearing in a video telling everyone that he "ain't a monster". It's true. Just because he allegedly beat Rihanna to a pulp, it doesn't make Chris Brown a monster. Monsters can fly and breathe fire and crap.
Is Chris Brown Using Rihanna’s Knackered Face To Escape Jail?
Chris Brown might wind up in jail for allegedly hitting Rihanna. And jail is the last place that Chris Brown needs to go. Some sort of tooth-filing academy, yes. A night class that teaches you to write songs that aren't drearily generic, yes. But jail? No. So he's come across a cunning plan. Chris Brown wants to get his case dismissed thanks to that leaked picture of Rihanna's busted-up face. It's genius, really. It means that if Chris Brown hadn't allegedly beaten Rihanna up so much, he wouldn't have a defence. Shoot for the moon, wife-beaters. Shoot for the moon.
Chris Brown might wind up in jail for allegedly hitting Rihanna. And jail is the last place that Chris Brown needs to go. Some sort of tooth-filing academy, yes. A night class that teaches you to write songs that aren't drearily generic, yes. But jail? No. So he's come across a cunning plan. Chris Brown wants to get his case dismissed thanks to that leaked picture of Rihanna's busted-up face. It's genius, really. It means that if Chris Brown hadn't allegedly beaten Rihanna up so much, he wouldn't have a defence. Shoot for the moon, wife-beaters. Shoot for the moon.
Usher Apologises For Something Vaguely About Chris Brown
Giving a jetski to Chris Brown is like giving a hammer to a shark - it's totally irrelevant, but it winds people up. OK, not people. Just Usher. When Usher saw the photos of Chris Brown larking around on a jetski in Miami recently, he decided that Chris wasn't showing an appropriate level of remorse and gave him a jolly good tongue-lashing. Now, though, Usher has decided to apologise for his outburst. But more fool Usher - in actual fact Chris Brown was using the jetski to scout for mermaids he could punch in the face. Usher was right first time! The shame!
Giving a jetski to Chris Brown is like giving a hammer to a shark - it's totally irrelevant, but it winds people up. OK, not people. Just Usher. When Usher saw the photos of Chris Brown larking around on a jetski in Miami recently, he decided that Chris wasn't showing an appropriate level of remorse and gave him a jolly good tongue-lashing. Now, though, Usher has decided to apologise for his outburst. But more fool Usher - in actual fact Chris Brown was using the jetski to scout for mermaids he could punch in the face. Usher was right first time! The shame!
Chris Brown: It Was Self-Defence, Honest
If the Chris Brown/ Rihanna mess was a film - and it's only a matter of time - then this is the act-two climax. Act one was about the incident itself. Act three will potentially be about Chris Brown getting bummed in jail. And right now is the part where Chris Brown frantically tries to find a decent line of defence for allegedly beating Rihanna up. For the record, Chris Brown's apparently planning on pleading self-defence. And that strikes us as just monstrously dumb. Honestly, Chris Brown would have been better off pleading insanity. It'd be watertight - have you seen that moustache?
If the Chris Brown/ Rihanna mess was a film - and it's only a matter of time - then this is the act-two climax. Act one was about the incident itself. Act three will potentially be about Chris Brown getting bummed in jail. And right now is the part where Chris Brown frantically tries to find a decent line of defence for allegedly beating Rihanna up. For the record, Chris Brown's apparently planning on pleading self-defence. And that strikes us as just monstrously dumb. Honestly, Chris Brown would have been better off pleading insanity. It'd be watertight - have you seen that moustache?
Chris Brown & Rihanna: The Text-Centric Details
For an internet fad, Chris Brown's alleged attack on Rihanna is rubbish - like, where are all the video mashups? We have two good reasons why not. Firstly, on the scale of hilarity, an alleged domestic assault - even between a couple of mildly annoying pop stars - isn't exactly David After Dentist, is it? Secondly, it's hard to be funny about something when there are absolutely no details about it whatsoever. Until now. A source claims that Chris Brown and Rihanna started to fight when Chris got a texted booty call. Which is ridiculous - who'd want to have sex with Chris Brown?
For an internet fad, Chris Brown's alleged attack on Rihanna is rubbish - like, where are all the video mashups? We have two good reasons why not. Firstly, on the scale of hilarity, an alleged domestic assault - even between a couple of mildly annoying pop stars - isn't exactly David After Dentist, is it? Secondly, it's hard to be funny about something when there are absolutely no details about it whatsoever. Until now. A source claims that Chris Brown and Rihanna started to fight when Chris got a texted booty call. Which is ridiculous - who'd want to have sex with Chris Brown?
