WEBTHUMP! Monday 24 November 2008 10 - We don't want this, because it's not like we walk down the street bellowing "BALLOON PORN!" into our phones enough as it is. But thanks for telling us about it anyway, foetus... 9 - If Skins was really an accurate representation of teenage life, then it'd actually look just like this - ...

Sorry America. Lily Allen Is Coming Your Way Real Soon

Hecklerspray are a bunch of merry people who would never inflict any harm on you.

We’d do anything to help you out. Say you thought some Russian military types had tampered with your food; we’d be there to help you. Sure, we’d be putting our own life at risk as we gingerly slurped your tomato soup, but we love you and would never turn down your request.

However, there are some factors that we can’t control: famine, Bono, global warming and hay fever (oh dear God the hay fever). At first the problem is confined to one area, but it then slowly spreads around the world. Look at Bono - Ireland suffered for so long until he was unleashed to the world.

Now it's England’s turn to unleash one of their ropiest creations, this time on an unsuspecting America. Lily Allen has been granted a visa. Batten down the hatches, quick!