As a celebrity, Sharon Stone knows that everything she says is ineffably correct – even if it’s clearly the most moronic thing that anyone has ever heard.

Like the Chinese earthquake, for example. Yes, it may have killed almost 70,000 people and forced the evacuation of another 15 million, but if Sharon Stone says it was caused by bad karma from China’s treatment of Tibet, then it’s obviously true. If anything, the Chinese people should be thanking Sharon Stone for her clearsighted understanding of the disaster.

But it isn’t. In fact, one Chinese cinema chain is so outraged by Sharon Stone’s karma comments that it’s decided to ban all her movies, depriving the Chinese people of surefire future blockbusters like Streets Of Blood and Five Dollars A Day. Maybe we should move to China.

Nobody really knows for sure whether karma actually exists or not, but we’ll soon find out. If, for instance, Sharon Stone is sunbathing in her garden and she’s inexplicably speared through the heart by a giant frozen piss icicle that’s been ejected from an aeroplane 30,000 feet up, then there’s a pretty good chance that karma is real after all.

Because if karma does exist, then Sharon Stone has to be pretty near the top of the payback list at the moment, for effectively claiming that we shouldn’t worry about the unthinkably tragic recent Chinese earthquake because everyone in China had it coming. Honestly, this is what Sharon Stone said:

“I’m not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else. And then this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and then I thought, is that karma? When you’re not nice that the bad things happen to you?”

Oh, by the way, did we mention that Sharon Stone said this to Hong Kong’s Cable Entertainment News? She actually said it to some Chinese people. There’s no word as to whether or not Sharon Stone then put a lampshade on her head, made her eyes all squinty and rolled around on the floor screaming “Ah! Me so solly! I am lesponsible for this tellible tlagedy! Ching chong ching chong!” to try and further get her point across, but we wouldn’t be surprised.

Anyway, the Chinese are furious at Sharon Stone’s complete lack of any sensitivity surrounding the earthquake. So much so that Ng See-Yuen, founder of China’s biggest cinema chain, UME Cineplex, has decided to ban all future Sharon Stone movies from every one of his movie theatres.

Still, our message to the people of China is this – look, you have every right to hate Sharon Stone. Really, you do, she’s a fucking retard. Her mouth should be sewn up and she should be set on fire and chased around town by a gang of wild animals. She’s an idiot. But, deep down, you should be thankful that a sanctimonious, badly-informed, spiritually whorish turdhole like Sharon Stone has decided to turn her back on you in your greatest time of need.

Because, seriously, the alternative involves her writing you one of her shit-awful charity songs. And you’ve already been through enough misery for that.