Chinese Democracy - HecklerSpray

The Offspring Have Almost Finished Their New Album Which Is Exactly What We Wanted To Hear

August 5th, 2011 By Michael Park

You remember The Offspring, don’t you? They’re the ones that did that song about being ‘pretty fly’ despite being a white person. It’s a song which is basically about not mimicking black people. It’s one of those songs that has gone down in history as being the intellectual equivalent to ‘The Bad Touch’ by The Bloodhound Gang.

Well, if you were excited when that came out you’ll be delighted to hear that they’ve?confirmed they are putting the finishing touches to the follow-up to 2008?s ?Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace.? Our source for this claimed that it was the ‘much-anticipated’ follow-up but even we’re not that sarcastic.

Singer Dexter Holland and guitarist Noodles told a very, very strangely set up podcast that the band have already finished the?guitar and drum parts for the twelve tracks on the record and they are now working on the lyrics.

Axl Rose Is Still A Massive Tool And Claims Slash Doesn’t Exist

November 25th, 2010 By Randy Figgins

Axl Rose has once again proved to the world that he’s a massive douchebag.? We’re talking an orchestral rock, 8 minutes 57 seconds, inapproriate wedding dresses, helicopter shots of churches, epic douchebag.

But you knew that didn’t you?? Look at him, he’s a 12 year old girl that’s been doing hard drugs for 30 years.? What’s he done lately? Not much, pissed off his few remaining fans by playing diva at gigs and making them wait 15 bloody years for a lacklustre album that nobody bought.

It seems poor Rose can’t take the fact that we all still love Slash.? He’s still a rock god, still making fairly good rock, still not wearing stupid blonde hair extensions and he’s still making money.? Which Rose clearly isn’t.

Guns N Roses Booed and Bottled Off Stage In Ireland

September 3rd, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Axl Rose is a bloated prick isn’t he? Seriously. He’s an astonishingly shit human. He preens about this Earth like his balls are clad in gold, when really, he’s just a chubby shrieker with a chemically peeled pink head. These days, he’s less the frontman for a rock group and more like a pi?ata filled with faeces.

And hilariously, the Irish didn’t mind letting him know. Of course, he’s well known for making the people he’s supposed to love (the fans) wait and wait without regard for them in the slightest, by entering the live arena as late as he possibly can.

As such, the Irish took the pi?ata feeling and tried to knock his insides out with bottles.

Guns N’ Roses Will Probably Go Onstage Late At Reading This Year

August 24th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Knock knock. Who’s there? Axl Rose is a massive prick. Okay, it’s obvious that this joke needs work, but the punchline is pretty truthful as rock ‘n’ roll’s most warped ego flops around Europe like the Emperor in his new clothes.

Yes indeed, the world’s most average hard rock band – well, Axl Rose and a bunch of people who are willing to be bossed around by him under the GNR banner – are to play their hugely underwhelming Chinese Democracy LP to European brains, who no doubt, will be egging the band on to play Sweet Child O’Mine and piss-off into the night.

Fat chance.

Guns N’ Roses World Tour Cancelled, Unless It Isn’t

August 16th, 2010 By Kris Silver

Guns N? Roses’ bloated and abhorred frontman and only original member Axl Rose appears to have had yet another meltdown, this time announcing the cancellation of his entire world tour.

Not content with alienating himself from his bandmates, making the most expensive flop in music history, delaying any and all Guns N’ Roses output however he can as well as routinely showing up late for and randomly cancelling shows, Rose may have just decided to go all out and cancel every show he plans to play in the entire world!

Guns N’ Roses to Tour UK

August 3rd, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Axl Rose, as many have pointed out before us, is an anagram of Ego Driven Prick. Or something. So yeah! Whoop! Hard rocks most irritating band are coming to the UK to hand out lawsuits and get, like, rreeaallly drunk and turn up 9 hours late for a show!? WAHOO!

Boy howdy! Guns N’ Roses could well be causing yet another riot in your hometown with the announced UK tour of their Chinese Democracy LP.

These shows are the band’s first arena concerts in the UK in four years.

Dr Pepper Gets A Full-On Guns N’ Roses Strop Attack

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

$Guns N\' Roses Dr Pepper Chinese Democracy Axl Rose lawyer$ Axl Rose always keeps his promises – even promises that take about 20 years which nobody really cares about any more.

And if a tubby ginger hermit like Axl Rose can keep his promises, then he damn well expects a fizzy drinks company like Dr Pepper to as well. You’ll remember that Dr Pepper promised everyone in America a free drink if Guns N’ Roses released Chinese Democracy this year. Well, Guns N’ Roses did release Chinese Democracy this year but, thanks to a website snafu, hardly anyone got their free Dr Pepper.

And so Guns N’ Roses have literally got their lawyer to demand that Dr Pepper gives everyone their free drink regardless of the cost. It might seem like a heavyhanded gesture, but that’s nothing – Axl Rose is so furious about this mix-up that he’s decided to record a brand new album to deliberately address what he sees as Dr Pepper’s shoddy customer service. Expected release date – the year four hundred billion AD.

China To Guns N’ Roses: ‘Hey, Wait A Minute…’

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

$Guns N\' Roses Chinese Democracy China Government angry Axl Rose$ You know Chinese Democracy? The just-released album by Guns N’ Roses that was titled to deliberately upset the Chinese government?

Well, you’ll never guess what it’s just done. A newspaper published by the Chinese government’s ruling Communist Party has got upset with the title Chinese Democracy, and accused Guns N’ Roses of ‘turning its spearpoint’ on China.

Not that the Chinese government has any real reason to worry about Guns N’ Roses’ spear – based on historical evidence we’d say that Axl Rose is going to spend the next 15 years polishing the spear to within an inch of its life, then get Shaquille O’Neal to do a rap about the spear, then build everybody’s expectations of the spear to the extent that it’ll be a horrible letdown to anyone who actually sees the spear. And then instead of stabbing anyone with it, he’ll just go and have a wank anyway.

LISTEN: New Guns N’ Roses Single Guffed Onto The Radio

October 22nd, 2008 By Stuart Heritage

$Chinese Democracy Guns N\' Roses Radio single Axl Rose$ Question: how long does it take Axl Rose to write a song that sounds like the theme-tune to Biker Mice From Mars?

Answer: however long it’s taken Guns N’ Roses to record Chinese Democracy. Today is the day that many never thought they’d see in their lifetime – the day that the first single from Chinese Democracy by Guns N’ Roses got officially played on the radio.

There’s a link to the song – also entitled Chinese Democracy – after the jump, but if you can’t be bothered, just imagine the background music from a 1980s regional ITV show about speedboats, but with a painfully long muttered intro that lasts for about an hour and doesn’t really go anywhere performed by a Stars In Their Eyes Axl Rose impersonator. Dr Pepper for everyone!

Chinese Democracy: November 23, 2008. Apparently

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

In 1492 when Axl Rose was first granted permission by Spanish royalty to seek out a shorter trade route to India, he set out at an eager pace.

Instead of trade routes, however, he discovered the Americas. When his foot first set on the western world’s sandy shores he swore a solemn vow to one day release an album to honor that occasion. He gave a title – Chinese Democracy. A strange name for the album’s occasion, if you ask us.

But alas, he certainly has taken his time in fulfilling that oath. He has been busy though – what with all that ending slavery, covering all of WWII with a warm blanket of peace, and flying to the moon in a rocket-ship he built himself just for the self satisfaction of beating Neil Armstrong to it. Also he translated the bible back to the original Greek. He never took credit for the latter.

But apparently he’s cleared his schedule – because a Chinese Democracy release date has reportedly been set.