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Sharon Stone Uninvited From Chinese Festival For Some Reason

by Stuart Heritage

That Sharon Stone, eh? You can’t take her anywhere – primarily because she’ll start jabbering on like a tit about how the Chinese earthquake was karma.

One place you especially can’t take Sharon Stone is this year’s Shanghai Film Festival. Following her remarks that the recent Chine earthquake might have been some sort of cosmic payback for its occupation of Tibet, Sharon Stone’s invitation to the festival has been revoked.

Undeterred, Sharon Stone has decided to hold her own Sharon Stone Film Festival in her basement, and everyone’s invited – except for the Chinese, people who look a bit Chinesey, people who know all the words to Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto and anyone who doesn’t want to watch Catwoman, Sliver, Basic Instinct 2 and Police Academy 4 on a never-ending loop. She probably shouldn’t buy too many nibbles.

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China And Bjork Not The Best Of Friends Anymore

by Matthew Laidlow

We like to voice our opinion. If there’s something we don’t like, we will act. As a matter of fact it happened last week. We successfully got the local café to stop using bacon that had been dropped on the floor in sandwiches.

Whilst our campaign was a small victory, someone had to and try something better. And it was only bloody Bjork, who went out of her to try and make a difference to someone. However, in stark contrast between ourselves and the Icelandic pop queen, she didn’t really do much good. Instead of helping, she fucked off the whole of China and consequently the government there now wants to stop foreign artists entering the country.

Well done Bjork!

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Steven Spielberg Accused Of Supporting Darfur Genocide

by Paul Sorrenti

‘One World One Dream’ is China’s slogan for the 2008 Olympics which, on the face of it, makes their government seem no more harmful than Bono.

And if Bono rang you up and said he wanted you to be artistic advisor for one of his gigs promoting this ‘One World One Dream’ ideal and he’d pay you a lot of money for it, so much so that the shame of working with U2 was totally rescinded, you’d no doubt quickly jump on board and put on one hell of a 3D laser-fest.

But what if it turned out that Bono, on his days off, in acquiescence to his idyllic showmanship, was financially supporting genocide in Darfur? And what if it turned out that, in the past, in an effort to reach this ‘One World One Dream’ ideal, he had ritualistically executed somewhere between 40 and 90 million of his own fans who didn’t quite ‘get it’? And what if he had scared the Dalai Lama away from his peaceful Tibetan home and into a friendship with Richard Gere? Would you still be happy to dazzle the world with your laser-show?

Of course, that’s all hypothetical; Bono doesn’t have any of those atrocities on his head; he has a whole host of his own to worry about. But the Chinese Government has apparently been funding the Darfur genocide and Steven Spielberg is the man it has hired to advise the artistic development of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, much to the annoyance of UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador and human rights activist/actress Mia Farrow.

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