Grab your magic wands and swords – let’s hear it for the hottest fantasy film babes.

In our latest excuse to trawl the internet looking for pictures of sexy women, we have decided to focus our attentions on the strange world of fantasy.

Now, admittedly, this could be misinterpreted as an excuse to scour the net for porn.  Type in the words ‘fantasy film’ or ‘fantasy babes’ into your search engine of choice and you certainly get some interesting responses. But you’ll be delighted to know we stayed professional throughout, kept our greedy eyes off the one ring and stuck rigidly to our magical quest.

After all, this was more ‘dwarf’ than ‘dwarf porn’. However, it did raise an important issue: what exactly is a fantasy movie? Well, it’s actually a very difficult question to answer. We all kind of know what a fantasy film is, but we all add different movies into the equation.

For example: our superhero movies considered fantasy? Would you add horror movies? What about Star Wars? Anyway, to try and help us with our task we looked up several definitions. The best we could come up with was this:

‘Fantasy films are films with fantastic themes, usually involving magic, supernatural events, make-believe creatures, or exotic fantasy worlds. The genre is considered to be distinct from science fiction film and horror film, although the genres do overlap.’

But even this seemed a bit vague. So we decided to come up with our own rules, which basically meant we ditched horror and superhero movies, and let you argue among yourselves over the results.

For example, we decided Star Trek was science fiction, while Star Wars was more fantasy – for no reason whatsoever.

Oh, and no anime or cartoons. These are our rules, OK?

Anyway, enjoy!

25. Cherie Lunghi (Guenevere)
Movie: Excalibur

A must-see film – and not just because Cherie Lunghi and Helen Mirren get undressed.

24. Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts)
Movie: King Kong

Beauty killed the beast, but she at least kept us awake through the first hour and half of the movie.

23. Kira (Olivia Newton-John)
Movie: Xanadu

OK, the boss asked us to put this in. He has a thing for Olivia.

22. Jessica (Jenny Agutter)
Movie: Logan’s Run

You have to love Jenny Agutter. She loses her clothes more times than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton combined.

21. Princess Lyssa (Lysette Anthony)
Movie: Krull

Krull was a terrible film, but Lysette gave a stand out performance.

20. Winona Ryder (Kim)
Movie: Edward Scissorhands
Everyone’s favourite cleptomaniac.

19. Andromeda (Judi Bowker)
Movie: Clash of the Titans

Did she do anything else?

18. Sorsha (Joanne Whalley)
Movie: Willow

Brit actress was one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood at one point – then she married Val Kilmer. What a Whalley.

17. Carmen Ibanez (Denise Richards)
Movie: Starship Troopers

16. River (Summer Glau)
Movie: Serenity

Whether it’s playing some kind of killing machine in Serenity or as a, err, killing machine in the Terminator series, Summer is a ray of sunshine.

15. Morena Baccarin
Movie: Serenity

One of the most attractive space whores ever.

14. Leeloo (Milla Jovovich)
Movie: The Fifth Element

It’s Milla time!

13. Maj. Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra)
Movie: Doomsday

The sexy British actress was the original Lara Croft model – need we say more?

12. Trinity (Carrie Ann-Moss)
Movie: Matrix trilogy

11. Princess Farah (Jane Seymour)
Movie: Sinbad and the Eye Of The Tiger

Jane Seymour about to get ravaged by a one-eyed monster.

10. Arwen (Liv Tyler)
Movies: Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Pointy ears or not – Liv is stunning.

9. Loana (Raquel Welch)
Movie: One Million Years BC

Welch’s blonde cavewoman certainly gave us the bone.

8. Gail (Rosario Dawson)
Movie: Sin City

Sin in the city with Rosario Dawson? Hell yeah!

6. Padme (Natalie Portman)
Movies: Star Wars prequels

OK, the films were pants, but at least we had something to look at apart from that abortion Jar Jar.

5. Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey)
Movie: 300

She really does rule.

4. Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox)
Movie: Transformers

What a fox.

3. Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher)
Movies: Star Wars trilogy

Gold bikini. Don’t think we need to add anything more.

2. Barbarella (Jane Fonda)
Movie: Barbarella

How good is that pic?

1. Jessica Alba
Movie: Sin City

A clear winner.

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Cherie was voted out of Strictly Come Dancing because her Cha Cha Cha to Play That Funky Music was a little bit hit and miss – for the first time in ages Cherie got her legs, and therefore her knickers, out in the dance, but it was let down by the way she just lurched from one pedestrian pose to another without anything in between. And in yesterday’s dance-off, the Strictly Come Dancing judges told her that they wanted to “see little bit more Wild Cherry coming out”. We’re pleased she didn’t oblige, because we’re pretty sure they meant her clitoris.

But now that Cherie Lunghi is no longer a part of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of our Strictly Come Dancing recap for the week, for Jodie Kidd and Lisa Snowdon…

Jodie Kidd – Now that Strictly Come Dancing has shed most of its chaff, Jodie Kidd has never looked so precarious. That’s mainly because she’s started referring to herself in the third person – not as ‘Jodie’ but as ‘Jodes’. Honestly, animal torture would have probably endeared her to the public more than that. But as for her Strictly Come Dancing routine, Jodie Kidd performed a Quicktime to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy on Saturday. Since Jodie is so tall, the potential for massive audience-maiming limbflail was gigantic – but somehow Jodie Kidd pulled it off. The dance was fast and dynamic and fluid – even though she was wearing a dress so long you couldn’t really tell how quick her steps actually were – and the Strictly Come Dancing judges fell in love with her all over again, describing the dance as “Bright and light, like skipping across hot coals.” However, next week Jodie will probably have to perform a Latin dance, and then she’ll probably just thwack about like a baby deer on an ice rink until she gets sent home. Strictly Come Dancing score – 33

Lisa Snowdon – After riding so high in the Strictly Come Dancing rankings over the last few week, Lisa Snowdon had to slip up at some point, and that point came on Saturday. Lisa’s Strictly Come Dancing performance was a Samba to Rock The Boat, and she wasn’t getting it during training. Cue Lisa’s sisters barging into the studio covered in balloons and feathers, which was a mistake. We know that the Samba is supposed to be a party dance, but not necessarily a hen night party that ends in vomiting and a fistfight in a Wetherspoons car park, which is how the Snowdon sisters apparently interpreted it. And this bled through to Lisa Snowdon’s performance on Saturday, which just wasn’t particularly convincing. “There’s a tension inside of you, and you didn’t go with the flow,” the Strictly Come Dancing judges told her, and we can see their point. Lisa Snowdon undoubtedly lost marks because she couldn’t clomp around like a dead-eyed cyborg in the Samba, and that’s possibly what she’s best at. Strictly Come Dancing score – 30

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Christine Bleakley and Austin Healey…

On reflection, Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing was perhaps our favourite of the series so far, because it marked the point where the Strictly Come Dancing judges started to get really narked off with the viewers for not eliminating John Sergeant. Why, if we were so inclined we’d say that everyone should keep John in next week too, just to see which judge does a dirty protest in their knickers first.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Austin Healey and Cherie Lunghi…

Austin Healey – Brace yourselves everyone, this is big – on Saturday Austin Healey gave a Strictly Come Dancing performance that was a little bit crap. This, you see, was because Austin was dancing a Rumba to When You Tell Me That You Love Me, and all his overcompensatory masculinity stood in the way of the romanticism needed for a great Rumba. The routine was in trouble right from the first day of training, when Austin tried to pull a sexy face and ended up hitting ‘creepy’, ’stroke victim’ and ‘Steptoe’ instead. And, in the performance itself – despite his partner literally undressing him – the sexiest thing that Austin Healey could muster was an unusual interest in hair-sniffing. It was awkward to watch – like the bit out of Back To The Future where Michael J Fox has to kiss his own mum – and the Strictly Come Dancing judges didn’t hold back in their criticism of him. “My feeling is you weren’t comfortable doing this dance, and it was uncomfortable to watch. The elements you mastered, but it lacked warmth,” they said. But, hey, it’s not all bad – by being rubbish, at least Austin Healey has given us something to say about him for the first time in a month. Strictly Come Dancing score – 29

Cherie Lunghi – After two solid weeks of impersonating a doddery old lady after an afternoon on the gin, Cherie Lunghi was allowed back into her comfort zone on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing by dancing a waltz. And, judging by her supreme cockiness in training, she knew it too. So how was Cherie Lunghi’s dance? Well, the Strictly Come Dancing judges seemed to like it, telling her “For me the English rose is back in full bloom, your grace and elegance, but get that confidence in the latin dances.” Sadly we don’t have an opinion on Cherie Lunghi’s waltz because it was set to I Wonder Why by Curtis Stigers, and so naturally we spent the entirety of the routine punching ourselves in the face with a plastic bag taped over our head in a bath of boiling water. Seriously. Curtis Titting Stigers. Gah. Strictly Come Dancing score – 36

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Christine Bleakley and Rachel Stevens.

But first, let’s take another look at how close Len Goodman is getting to his full-scale nervous breakdown. This week, we’ve noticed that it doesn’t matter how much he slags off the dancers, he never gives them a score below six. Our bet is that at some point soon, the two warring sides of Len’s personality will break loose of each other, causing him to open a spooky hotel and kill everyone. We’ve seen Psycho. We know how it works.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Cherie Lunghi, John Sergeant and Tom Chambers…

Cherie Lunghi – After she nearly toppled over during her dance last week, Cherie Lunghi had it all to play for on Saturday with her Salsa to Oye Mi Canto. However, the Salsa is a young person’s dance and Cherie Lunghi is nothing like a young person. So Cherie built the routine from the ground up using some impeccable logic. The Salsa is a sexy dance. And cats are sexy animals. So to tap into the Salsa, Cherie Lunghi had to dance like a cat. And what do cats do? That’s right, they cough up hairballs. Which explains why, for the most part of her routine, Cherie Lunghi seemed to be doing some very theatrical dry-heaves. Apart from all the mock-vomiting, though, Cherie gave all the symptoms of a woman past her prime – the dancing was wet, insipid and hesitant, prompting the Strictly Come Dancing judges to say “it was exasperatingly underpowered – it wasn’t sexy or sassy or naughty, all things I’m sure you can be.” So expect Cherie to up the old HRT for next week, then. Strictly Come Dancing score – 26

John Sergeant – As dumpy and hopeless as he might be, John Sergeant is emerging as something of a public hero – something demonstrated on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing by the brief montage of taxi drivers all bellowing things like “John Sergeant? Ee’s faaacking bwillyent!” It’s just as well that people like him because, as a dancer, John Sergeant is terrible. His Foxtrot to I Want To Be Loved By You was the exact same dance as he’s been doing since the start of the competition, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges told him “it’s the old fox running out of tricks. She [Kristina] covers for you so well!” And speaking of Kristina – it’s OK, we get it, you think you look like Marilyn Monroe. So, you know, dancing to a Marilyn Monroe song seems a bit like overkill. What are you going to do next week? Have it off with a Kennedy and then kill yourself? Strictly Come Dancing score – 20

Tom Chambers – He might have been away with fairies last week following his wedding, but for Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing Paso Doble to I Just Died In Your Arms, Tom Chambers had to knuckle down to business. He certainly seemed like a married man during the performance – he was throwing himself into work to avoid going home and it doesn’t look like he can be bothered to shave any more – but that appeared to work for him. Aside from the fight he started within the Strictly Come Dancing judges by waggling a cape around – it was either brilliant or “like putting the cover on a duvet” depending on who you asked, the routine was surprisingly good. It was dramatic, dynamic and – best of all – Tom and his partner have inherited Don Warrington’s mantle of Strictly Come Dancing’s barmy-faced weirdos. During the dance, Tom looked pulled a face like a French waiter serving a tramp and his partner channelled the spirit of a shark trying to eat a ghost perfectly. More like this please. Strictly Come Dancing score – 34

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Christine Bleakley and Rachel Stevens.

Now that Mark’s no longer part of Strictly Come Dancing, who else is going to take their top off without any prompting? Nobody, that’s who. And believe us, we’ve tried to convince the other Strictly Come Dancing contestants to do it, but they won’t. Well, not all of them. John Sergeant. John Sergeant won’t take his top off for us.

Anyway, here’s our Strictly Come Dancing recap for Christine Bleakley, Austin Healey and Cherie Lunghi…

Christine Bleakley – Christine Bleakley can be mainly characterised by two quirks – her sunny personality and the almost-transvestitey way in which she applies make-up. For her Strictly Come Dancing Paso Doble to Fighter on Saturday, the first one was going to the main problem – the Paso Doble is a mean, aggressive dance and Christine is roughly as mean and aggressive as a kitten in a pair of bunny ears. That came across during her dance because, even though she adopted a brand new persona for the routine, it appeared to be the persona of peeved-looking vapid cadaver who couldn’t dance particularly well. The Strictly Come Dancing judges picked up on this too, saying “it looked more like a domestic with you as Madonna and a bored looking Guy Ritchie.” Which seemed a little unfair to us, because Christine Bleakley is nothing like Madonna – her arms are normal for a start, and she doesn’t seem like she has a weird preoccupation with her own vagina. She might, but it doesn’t seem like she has. Strictly Come Dancing score – 22

Austin Healey – The worst thing about writing these recaps is when someone’s actually good. There are only so many ways to say that someone came out, did a more or less professional job and got an incredibly high mark for it. That’s the predicament we find ourselves in with Austin Healey, who pretty much aces Strictly Come Dancing every time he tries a new dance. Case in point – his Viennese Waltz to Send In The Clowns that was graceful and poignant and infuriatingly not rubbish at all. Even the Strictly Come Dancing judges went overboard with it, saying “I loved it. Ooooh, gorgeous!” Yes, there were four ‘o’s in that ooooh. That’s how gorgeous it was. But, look, this is all well and good, but can’t Austin fall on his arse this Saturday? Just once? Just for us? Strictly Come Dancing score – 34

Cherie Lunghi - Watching Strictly Come Dancing, it’s sometimes easy to forget that Cherie Lunghi will be old enough to retire in the next few years. Thanks to her grace, elegance and willingness to show the world what her undercrackers look like, Cherie often seems like a much younger woman. So thank heavens above when, during her Strictly Come Dancing Paso Doble to Amparito, Cherie Lunghi finally decided to act like a woman her age. Specifically, a woman her age who just tried to jump off a moving bus – right at the start of her routine Cherie staggered around to the extent that she almost ended up falling on her arse. As a result, the rest of her performance was shaky and unconvincing and the Strictly Come Dancing judges pulled her to pieces for it, saying “I just wish you could do all that again with fire in your belly. You just lost your courage this week.” And then they gave her one of the highest scores of the night, the weirdos. Strictly Come Dancing score – 31

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Heather Small and Tom Chambers.

Brilliant, we’ve always enjoyed thinking of Strictly Come Dancing as a Grand Prix – overlong, boring, probably quite expensive and with a rich old man controlling everything. And terrible for the environment. And it monopolises our Sundays, usually against our wishes. Perfect. Gold star for Little Foreign Judge.

But who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s part two of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Cherie Lunghi, Mark Foster and Austin Healey…

Cherie Lunghi – On last week’s Strictly Come Dancing, Cherie Lunghi managed to give the world a new favourite milf with a routine that got the highest score of the night. Unless she could actually make Len Goodman ejaculate in his pants this week, it was bound to be a bit of a letdown. Was it? Well, her training clip showed not even a ripple of trouble, plus she’d decided to inexplicably dressed as a wild west hooker, so that was all good. But dancing an American Smooth to Layla was a particularly bad choice – it was all plod instead of pizazz and we drifted off towards the end. Cherie should be given a small amount of credit for the way she was flipped upside down at the end and didn’t dislocate her hip, but she lost all that credit and more for not showing off her knickers like she did the week before. That said, the Strictly Come Dancing judges loved it, saying “You deliver on every level.” Which is true, apart from the knicker-flashing level. Sort that out for next week, Cherie. Strictly Come Dancing score – 34

Mark Foster – Previously on Strictly Come Dancing, Mark Foster was told that he needed acting lessons, so before Saturday’s show he decided to put that right. Sadly he decided to put that right by hiring John Barrowman as an acting coach, therefore propelling the gayness of his Samba to Spice Up Your Life to stratospheric levels. It was all out of time, clumsy, Frankensteiny and seemingly made up on the spot, but we barely noticed any of that, because Mark Foster had dressed himself in a mesh top that either made him look like a rape ninja or the world’s gayest teabag, depending on how polite you want to be. The routine was staggeringly bad, like the monkey trying to shake off his chains at the end of King Kong, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges could barely make out the words to tell him how dreadful he was, saying “the performance was vital, but you forgot to dance at the same time.” But we have to thank the British public sincerely, because despite being awful, Mark didn’t have to take part in the dance-off. That meant we wouldn’t have to watch him wiggle about in his horrible top again. Urgh. Strictly Come Dancing score – 17

Austin Healey – We can all agree that Austin Healey is basically the Strictly Come Dancing equivalent of the boy at school who everyone hated because he was a cocky little tryhard who probably lived in a house with a bloody swimming pool, the jumped-up turd. It’s not an exaggeration to say that everyone has been waiting for Austin Healey to be taken down a peg or two, and that’s what happened on Saturday. Austin’s Samba to Everybody Move Your Feet wasn’t really up to the high standard set by his previous dances – it was featureless, a bit drab and kind of like how you’d expect your teachers to dance at the school disco. The Strictly Come Dancing judges thought this was down to a blown step near the beginning – “You knew you had made some slight mistake, and it stopped you” – but we’re putting his comparative failure down to collective willpower. Good work, team. Strictly Come Dancing score – 32

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Andrew Castle, Christine Bleakley and Jodie Kidd.

But before we get to that, does anyone get freaked out by the way that Bruce Forsyth specifically welcomes children to each episode of Strictly Come Dancing? If you ask us, children shouldn’t be allowed to watch Strictly Come Dancing – what sort of an example does a show like that set to the youth of today? What if they decide that they want to be Jessie Wallace when they grow up? WHAT THEN, BRUCE?

So anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Heather Small and Cherie Lunghi…

Heather Small – Having spent the week in training wobbling about in a nervous old failure-spaz, nobody really knew how Heather Small was going to fare in her Strictly Come Dancing Quickstep to Old Man Time, but it turns out they needn’t have worried. Or they should have worried a bit. Perhaps. Look, we don’t know how well Heather Small did in her dance – it wasn’t particularly quick and there wasn’t much stepping and it was a bit boring, but she looked as if she was enjoying herself – but it’s OK, because that’s more or less what the Strictly Come Dancing judges admitted as well, complimenting her energy but adding that the routine was “heavy, like champagne that had gone flat”. So, yes, Heather Small was either quite good at dancing or not good at dancing at all. One thing’s for sure, though, if the show was called Strictly Come Dress Up As A Mackerel, then she’d far and away be the winner. Strictly Come Dancing score – 23

Cherie Lunghi – In her last Strictly Come Dancing performance, Cherie Lunghi walked off with the best score of the night, which piled the pressure on her ahead of Saturday’s Rumba to Songbird. And things looked dicey from the start, when Cherie winched her face into a fleshy seaside gurn that we presume was meant to be sexy. From then on, though, everything got a bit too bloody milfy for our liking – Cherie was poised, elegant, leggy, tender, slow and not averse to the odd moment of knicker-flashing and, tragically, all these factors combined to leave us with the vague outline of a slightly humiliating crush on her. Luckily this wasn’t the only reaction to Cherie Lunghi’s dance, though – one Strictly Come Dancing judge told her that “Every single inch of you worked that dance. Fabulous!” while another one pretty much burst into tears at the emotion of it all. It was, in fact, the best-scored Rumba in Strictly Come Dancing history, the majority of which we’re pinning on the knicker shots. Strictly Come Dancing score – 35

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Lisa Snowdon and Rachel Stevens.

Seriously, we’re Strictly Come Dancing junkies. Actual junkies. Like heroin junkies. When we don’t get any Strictly Come Dancing for a while we go all shivery and bald and Scottish. And we’ve damaged our bodies so much with our Strictly Come Dancing addiction that the only non-collapsed vein we have left to inject Strictly Come Dancing into is in our genitals. It’s not nice.

Anyway, here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Cherie Lunghi’s dance last Saturday…

Cherie Lunghi – We could be wrong here, but we’re getting the feeling that Strictly Come Dancing might have struck a deal with Kenco, because – what with Don Warrington and now Cherie Lunghi – it seems like there’s a bizarre influx of people who’ve been on Kenco adverts on the show this year. Fingers crossed net year they’ll do the same thing with Brut, so we can see Kevin Keegan, John Conteh and Henry Cooper all dancing round like spangly bastards. But back to this year’s Strictly Come Dancing – Cherie Lunghi did a Foxtrot to that song off the deodorant advert, and she did it effortlessly. It was classy, graceful and understated, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges called it the routine of the evening. Flash forward a couple of weeks to the Quickstep, when Cherie Lunghi’s support pants fall down and she dislocates her hip and it’ll be a different story, but for now it’s looking decent. Strictly Come Dancing score – 33

Next week: More Strictly Come Dancing recaps, for the boys.