Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Damn it, Demi Lovato.? I know you have had some rough patches in your life, but I thought you got past all that.? I hoped you were done making terrible decisions with your life (outside of your hair.? You still make stupid choices there, not gonna lie).
But noooo.? You just had to post a lovely dovey selfie on Twitter reminding the world that you not only used to dry hump?one of the douchiest men in Hollywood, but that you are still letting your crotch call the shots in your life.? Ugh.
When it was announced a few days ago that Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa were getting a big fat divorce, no one was really all that shocked.? I know, the two just screamed “forever” and all, with?Amber’s multiple Wiz related?tattoos how could they not. But alas, it was not mean to be and many were left wondering just what exactly caused them to say, “I QUIT THIS BITCH!” after one year.
Thanks to friends who like to “defend” their posse, we know now that it was Amber who said “bye bitch” to Wiz after catching him cheating on her.? And not just a regular ol groupie cheat.? Oh no.? Apparently when Wiz Khalifa cheats, he goes all out.
D
wyane Wade just bought new fianc?e Gabrielle Union an almost obnoxious sized 8.5 carat ring to finally make an honest woman out of her after?quite a few?years of dating.? While originally it just seemed like rich people showing off what dropping a ball into a basket money can buy (aka, a LOT), it has now been revealed that the over the top size may also be because the ring is a groveling gesture.
Because when it comes out that a newly engaged man is the father of a newborn child, and the mother is not the woman he’s been with for the better part of 4 years, we know someone is in a shit ton of trouble.? Although, if that woman is also part of the reason your first marriage combusted, is it kind of like karmic retribution?
If you are married and start banging someone who is not your husband, but who is also married, then the chances are pretty damn high that at some point that dude is going to stick in someone else besides you.? Such is the case?with?the living female Crypt Keeper doppelganger,?Tori Spelling, and wandering dick husband, Dean McDermott.
And to add insult to injury, McDermott cheated with a Canadian commoner with no trust fund to support him on.? Oh, how the mighty male gold diggers have fallen.
Oh Katharine McPhee, don’t you know that if you’re going to stick your tongue down the throat of a man that is not your husband, you should try to hide it a little? If for no other reason than to try and pretend you have a conscience or sense of morality?
Furthermore, if you’re going to cheat on your husband with some dude, wouldn’t it make more sense to go up a level rather than down?? Like, maybe someone who could help your shittastic career and not?the guy partly responsible for creating the crap that was “Smash?”? But I guess you both decided to downgrade.? Good job, guys.
In the weeks following his classy pedobear VMA performance, Robin Thicke continues to make headlines with his behavior. ?The latest reason being an interview he did with wife Paula Patton, declaring their undying love for each other and proclaiming how strong their marriage is. ?Which, we all know, is usually a tell tale sign of the complete opposite.?
Thicke, looking like he’s wearing a reject Elton John jacket, and Patton, sporting some awkward Jackie O helmet hair and a random gold heart across her overflow of boob, ?grace the cover of the latest issue of?Prestige?magazine (No, it’s okay. ?I’ve never heard of it either).
Inside, Thicke discusses how Patton is his rock and his muse. ?So, I am guessing that means Paula was his inspiration for “Blurred Lines” and it’s sweet lines like “The way you grab me, must wanna get nasty.” ?How romantic. ?Patton also tells about being there for each other through the hoes and blow jobs. ?Oh no, I meant the highs and lows. ?My bad.
Who knew that this face was capable of loving any one man, never mind two? Kristen Stewart is a massive whore, it seems, enraging Twihards everywhere (including Youtube user Nuttymadam, who is, well, a nutty madam). Not content with sleeping with quiffed strong, silent dreamboat Robert Pattinson, Stewart decided she needed to also get friendly with director Rupert Sanders.
Of course, no good comes from cheating. But there’s a small glimmer of hope to be found in the sordid situation. It turns out that Kristen Stewart isn’t in fact a soulless, smile-free dummy whose job it is to brood and look depressed on celluloid and red carpets. She’s someone capable of romantic feelings – she has so many feelings that she couldn’t just share them with one person! (Which is in itself a little scuzzy, but frankly we didn’t know she had it in her so it’s impressive nonetheless.)
Hello soap fans!! Missed us? No, we didn’t give you a second thought either but now that we’ve just about?recovered from Pat’s quick, yet annoyingly drawn out death, we’re back to spoil everything for you and tell you what’s going to happen this week. But first here’s a little catch up.
Did we mention that Pat was dead? Well she is. Her last moments were spent in bed with a soaking wet Michael French shouting “MUM!” 2cm from her face, weighed down by?monstrous?earrings,?desperately?clinging to a script that would never end while the country secretly wished that David Essex would appear from the wardrobe singing ‘Oh What a Circus.’
Sadly, not even fake son number 2 Nick Berry could be bothered to turn in the Vic and play ‘Every Loser Wins’ on the piano so off she popped and now we all have the funeral to look forward to (40 sodding minutes of funeral time on Friday viewers. You have been warned.)
It’s spoiler time again people, which will either ruin your week and send you into a murderous rage or you’ll thank us very sweetly like the hideous Munchkins that you are. Either is fine with us.
This week, there’s so much going on in Eastenders that we’ve decided to say “BALLS!” to the other soaps and shower you with events from the very real and not at all fictional Albert Square.
And no, you’re not allowed to complain. YOU ARE FORBIDDEN.
It’s time to visit Soapland again as we know this is the only thing that makes your miserable?existence?bearable. We even caught Matthew Laidlow trying to bribe fellow writer Joanna Bolouri with cake and even violence in the hope she’d reveal the?whereabouts?of David Essex since his departure.
He’s still recovering in hospital as she takes Soaps even more seriously that you losers do.
First up it’s Eastenders where it’s Yasmin’s first birthday party and as Christian has never missed a party in his life, he buys her a card and teddy, hoping to get an invite. Realising that Christian is only using her daughter’s party as an excuse to get on the good foot, Amira tells Syed he’s not welcome and Syed secretly puts his plans to backflip naked onto Christian on hold.
