Articles tagged with: Cheated
A good marriage is like a delicate recipe - if you pour in too much salt you're gonna eff up all your pastries. And you know what happens then? The only person who'll eat 'em is that one crazy uncle that lost most of his tongue to a series of mouth cancers. If your experience is anything like ours, that's one uncle you don't want to invite over too much. He tries to float the conversation when really there's only one thing we want to talk about - the portion of jagged lip that sticks out from under his moustache. Back to marriage though - good ones, even in Hollywood, take work. And that work occasionally involves bopping other men while you're husband is wasting away deep inside a prison. Say, that sounds just like Amy Winehouse's marriage - at least according to the man who's moving to divorce her.
You may not have known who she was until yesterday, but Camilla Belle is basically a giganto-browed Angelina Jolie lite. This is because the Joe Jonas/ Taylor Swift/ Camilla Belle triangle of pointlessness echoes the Jolie/ Pitt/ Aniston saga fairly closely. Admittedly this theory doesn't hold up to scrutiny that well, because if Camilla Belle is Angelina Jolie then that makes her new boyfriend Joe Jonas Brad Pitt, and we all know that Joe Jonas looks too much like an anime lesbian for that to work. However, Taylor Swift is definitely Jennifer Aniston in all of this, because she's been gripped by a compulsion to publicly discuss her split from Joe Jonas as much as humanly possible. You see, Taylor Swift says that Camilla Belle stole Joe Jonas from her, and that he'd been cheating on her for months. Is it true? If we find one person who even slightly cares we swear we'll tear off both our kneecaps.
We're confused - apparently David Duchovny isn't addicted to sex, he's addicted to abusing his man-baton in front of some flickering internet totty. We're confused because, as far as we can tell, that doesn't make David Duchovny a sex addict at all. That just makes him a bloke. Hey David, are you in rehab for being a bloke? Are you going to come out of rehab with pigtails and a mangina? Are you? Huh? Huh, David? Huh? Apparently not, because what we're starting to hear now is that David Duchovny's sex addiction isn't just an addiction to beating himself silly in front of his computer, but an addiction to actually having sex with ladies. Real ladies who exist and aren't even his wife. Allegedly. So we take it all back - David Duchovny really is as much of a pretend-victim bellend as we originally thought. Sorry David!
Some places in the world are stymied by plagues of infertility. Take Uganda for instance, people there haven't had decent sperm for decades. So it is the rest of us find ourselves burdened with the unwelcome responsibility of literally flooding that country with entire tankers full of viable spooj. It's a difficult task, and sometimes their Customs inspectors act like they really don't even need out reproductive juices. In the end their desire to not die out as a people always wins out, and they stamp the paperwork in the right places and wave our caravans on through. You're welcome, Uganda. Casey Aldridge knows what it is to be cursed with incredible fertility. After all - his knocking up of Jamie Lynn Spears is enough to prove that. If current rumors are to be believed, he's so fertile that he was even risking another woman's pregnancy while his precious schnooky-pie Spears was a plump 6 months pregnant. Like we said, if rumors are to be believed.
It hasn't been a good weekend for Cheryl Cole - it started on Friday with news that her husband Ashley Cole had dicked a woman and ended yesterday with news that Ashley Cole had dicked another woman.
In fact, the way things are going, there's a chance that Ashley Cole has probably had sex with you, too, in your sleep or when he walked past you when you were climbing up a ladder. But none of it matters, because Cheryl Cole has vowed to stand by her apparently marauding husband.
Funny, we always thought that Sarah Harding was the stupid one from Girls Aloud.
Eva Longoria and her husband Tony Parker and still together and stronger than ever, despite claims that he's been up to his nutsack in a French model called Alexandra Paressant.
It has been reported that Tony Parker was sleeping with Paressant behind Eva Longoria's back for two months after meeting her at his own wedding. X17, which broke the story, also claims to have a number of text messages that Tony Parker sent Alexandra Paressant - and in in French too, the dirty bugger. However, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker have issued a statement saying that the story is completely untrue, and that Eva Longoria would leave Tony Parker instantly if she ever discovered he'd been cheating on her.
Or she'd stick with him for the rest of his life - whichever one would be more likely to send him into a painful wibbling meltdown. Probably the second one.
