It only seems like yesterday that we all rubbed our eyes in disbelief because Rebecca Romijn had let Jerry O’Connell have sex with her.

And now the fruits of their disgusting union have emerged. Rebecca Romijn has given birth to twin baby girls with names – Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip – that make them sound like high-powered corporate fairytale legal practices.

So our sincerest congratulations to Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O’Connell and their new sprogs. Although points have been deducted for the way it’s made us imagine what Jerry O’Connell’s sweaty sex face looks like. Really, there was no need for that.

By and large, all the news so far this year has been pretty miserable. War, economic failure, death, Clint Eastwood calling you a pussy – it’s comprehensively miserable stuff. But that’s nothing. It gets worse. Kangaroo Jack star Jerry O’Connell has managed to continue his DNA for yet another generation. We’re all doomed.

Or, if you want to be weird and think about this positively, Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn have just welcomed two beautiful twin girls into the world. No, urgh, that sounds horrible. We’ll stick with the ‘Jerry O’Connell corrupts humanity with his sperm’ line, thank you very much. Access Hollywood reports:

Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell have two new additions to the family. The couple welcomed twin girls just before the New Year, Access Hollywood has learned. “Rebecca gave birth on Dec. 28 to two healthy daughters, Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip,” a representative for the actress told Access. “Mother, father and both girls are all home and doing well,” the rep added.

Although the arrival of the twins doesn’t come as a surprise – back in July we reported that Rebecca Romijn was pregnant – the names that Romijn and O’Connell have picked for the babies suggests that Jerry O’Connell might still have some fond memories of his ex-girlfriend Geri Halliwell.

After all, Geri Halliwell pretty much invented the formula of giving babies humiliating flower-based names, and that’s something that Jerry O’Connell has ripped off wholesale by naming his twins Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip. Let’s hope this lingering rivalry between Geri and Jerry ends here, though – otherwise Geri Halliwell will be forced to think of a name even stupider than Dolly Rebecca Rose for her next baby, and we just don’t think her poor brain’s up to it.

But we’re getting off subject here. We should be focusing on Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip. Their lives are a completely open book, full of limitless potential and – given who their parents are – at least three rubbishy straight-to-DVD movies. Can’t wait.

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