People are really, very very stupid. They’ve always fallen for the oldest trick in the book and, wanting to eschew the popular kids and good-looking folk, they’ve adored those who trade in false-modesty. The ‘I’m crap like you too!’ brigade.
Then, best of all, when the facade slips, the falsely modest get a hot girlfriend and have the temerity to be happy and in love. This sends fans into a jealous slump, picking holes in the work of their former fave. They’ve changed! They’re not as funny as they used to be! How dare they hang around with celebrities!
In other news, Charlie Brooker is about to become a father to a shrieking baby with Konnie Huq who he loves more than all of you goons put together. Awww!
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Holidays and mini-breaks.
Folded:
Creased:
- Cheapo post-it notes (if they don’t say ‘Post-It’ on the back and they cost £2.00 for 400 then they won’t stick to anything more challenging than a flat horizontal surface)
- Dappy (one third of N-Dubz. The one with the hat. The silliest one, in other words)
- Ghosts ‘n’ Stuff by Deadmau5 (good track, if it didn’t have that bloke from Pendulum singing all over it. Unfortunately it does)
- Il Protagonisto (what Robbie Williams was planning on calling his new album. Seems like senility comes and goes for him these days)
- Cheryl Cole (started out chavvy, went all fit, now back to chavvy again. And as for that skid mark of a new single…)
Coke and Diet Coke.
Folded:
Creased:
- Next sale (everything may be half price but unless you’re a size XS or XXL there really isn’t much on offer)
- Nachos (crisps loaded with cheese and beef…and we wonder why we get stomach ache)
- Spoilers (especially those folk who can’t resist blabbing because they think it will make people like them more)
- People who let their dogs bark endlessly (though really you shouldn’t live in such a gypo area, should you?)
- Look out your window (…it’ll be raining. This wonderful country)
Every now and then we like to catch a virus just to mix things up a bit and remind our immune system that it still has a role to play in our continuing existence.
To keep things interesting, given that it is summer; we decided to go with the common cold. As males we know how devastating this can be, with days of unrelenting torment and an extra 15 minutes added to getting up rituals spent futilely pumping enough drugs and various homeopathic remedies into our bodies until we feel we can connect with the outside world.
We decided to hold on to this condition even for the duration of the maiden episode of Charlie Brooker‘s new vehicle which broadcasts tonight on Channel 4. That’s how brave we are.
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Thumbs up and down.
Folded:
- Body of Lies on DVD (unfairly panned during its theatrical run, this is an engrossing, if occasionally silly spy movie with a standout turn from Mark Strong)
- Dolce Gusto (if you like coffee you should have one of these already. Only sixty quid on Amazon)
- Buy up old Tin-Tin crap on eBay (because it’ll probably be worth a packet soon)
- Ladyhawke (the band, not the film. Definitely not the film)
- ‘Clunge’ (thank you Jay from The Inbetweeners)
Creased:
Michael Barrymore, Les Dennis, Shane Richie, Keith Chegwin, Bobby Davro, Bradley Walsh. What do they all have in common?
Their very mention triggers a feeling of drowning in depression? They’re cheap, tacky, polyester-suited, out dated Bognor Regis seafront entertainers? They are people who should never appear on television unless they are being pumped full of dry rice then offered a glass of water? Yes. Those things are all true.
Now, Law & Order: UK. The British (read low budget) version of the US hit drama on ITV1.
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