charlie - HecklerSpray

Big Brother Final! Who’s Going To Win? Dogface? Oh, Right

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Tonight’s the big night! After approximately most of our entire life, this series of Big Brother will end tonight.

We jest – in all seriousness Big Brother has actually had one of the best years on record. But nobody cares, because hardly anyone watched it and it’s dying soon anyway so what’s the point? Huh? What’s the bloody point point of anything any more?

Anyway, which of the remaining Big Brother housemates will end up winning the prize money, releasing a fitness DVD and embarking on a disastrous pop career? Time to have one final look, we suppose…

Big Brother: See? We Said Bea Would Get Evicted

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

On Friday, Bea got evicted from the Big Brother house, which isn’t really news because Bea was rubbish.

So what other Big Brother news is there? Well, Big Brother is going for starters, and we’ve decided to take that fact as something between a depressing critique on the state of the nation and a direct personal insult. What else? Nothing. Nothing has happened on Big Brother, in the last few days or ever, frankly.

Nevertheless, here are the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye this week – Siavash, Charlie and Lisa…

Big Brother: Noirin’s Out, And She’s Taken Her Idiot Boyfriend With Her

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Yeah, well done Big Brother – this gimmick of bringing in the housemates’ partners is working a treat, isn’t it?

Remember when Karly‘s boyfriend was brought in, then Karly was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards? Well guess what – Noirin‘s boyfriend was brought into the Big Brother house last week, then Norin was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards. We don’t know what to say – other than that the Big Brother producers should probably get Lisa‘s girlfriend in pronto.

But now Noirin’s gone, here are the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye this week…

Big Brother: Tom Effs Off

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Thanks to Kenneth rubberstamping his tossishness by legging it over a wall last week, there wasn’t a Big Brother eviction on Friday.

But there’s still one less Big Brother housemate than there was on Friday morning, and that’s all thanks to Tom. Tom – who you may recognise as the muscular posho who periodically thought he was Maxwell from Big Brother 2005 – also left the Big Brother house this weekend because – oh, actually, who cares? He was rubbish anyway.

Instead of profiling the housemates who’ve caught our eye this week, we’re actually going to look at some of the loose Big Brother couples today. Exciting…

Big Brother Eviction: Is This The End Of Krogface?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

One of the problems of this year’s Big Brother is that only two housemates have ever been nominated for eviction at a time.

Which would be OK, except that the public’s inexplicable love affair with Halfwit means that he’ll never get evicted. The evictions are a foregone conclusion right from the get-go. But things are different this week, oh things are different alright. Halfwit’s up for eviction, as ever, but so is Kris, Dogface, Charlie and Marcus. Big Brother is exciting again!

Well, maybe not ‘exciting’ per se, but, um, you know… oh, let’s just look at their chances of getting evicted, OK?

Big Brother: This Year’s Collection Of Awful Wazzocks

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

First the facts. This is Big Brother’s tenth anniversary, and the fifth anniversary of us writing about it. We don’t know which is worse.

Nevertheless, the new series of Big Brother kicked off last night, which means that from now until let’s say the end of actual time itself, we’re going to have to watch hour after of hour of preening turdbaskets discussing nothing using a subnormal vocabulary. And we’ll be with you every ghastly step of the way.

But first we should probably introduce ourselves to the newest batch of Big Brother housemates, shouldn’t we? Fair enough, then…

WEBTHUMP! Wednesday 5 November 2008

August 6th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

10 – Make the most of this, you’ve got another four years before it’s relevant again…

9 – The top 10 music videos by movie directors. Six tenths correct – Theshiznit

8 – Joaquin Phoenix is rapidly becoming our favourite ex-actor, you know – Bestweekever

7 – Kelly Osbourne gets engaged. Rest of mankind slowly emerges from its bunker – Holymoly

6 – It’s just like Jurassic Park! Only about mice and crap! – Dailymail

5 – Things being punched in slow motion are probably the best thing ever – I Am Bored