Every so often the world unites behind a cause which transcends nationality, colour, creed or sexuality. These causes can be anything from the protection of human rights to people coming together in search of justice (not a lynch mob, that’s not the same thing at all).
Of course, these things don’t always mean much. For example, much of the reaction to Haribo’s new advert, starring “the average nuclear family” in a musical number about sweets, has been hugely negative. People hate it and they’re getting together to show how much they dislike it.
We had managed to avoid the advert entirely until one fateful night when DepEd Michael put it on while the rest of the staff were out drinking cheap beer and getting knocked back by prostitutes. Find out what happened after the jump…
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Hey! You know what would be really cheery? A nice film about Charles Manson who wrote poetry, wrote songs, hung around with the Beach Boys, dug The Beatles ‘White Album’ loads and… uh… instructed a gaggle of mad women to kill people for him.
One of Charlie’s most famous victims was Sharon Tate, who had a jolly night when Manson and his cronies broke into her house, beat and strangled her before repeatedly stabbing her and her unborn child. Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!
That said, the story surrounding Tate’s murder is a fascinating (if incredibly grim) one. Manson wanted to start a race-war and this was the beginning of his awful plan. And at the centre of the story, is Tate, who could well be played by Lindsay Lohan in a new film called ‘Eyes Of A Dreamer’.
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If there’s one thing the tale of Charles Manson can teach us, it’s never to carve a swastika into your own forehead.
Really, don’t. Sure, it might seem like a cool thing to do when you’re the unhinged leader of a murderer-commune determined to set off a race war because of something you once heard Paul McCartney shriek, but one day you’re going to look in the mirror and realise that you’re a 74-year-old man with a swastika carved into your own forehead.
California correctional officials have released a new photo of Charles Manson. No, we don’t know why either.
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Forget what all those recruitment consultants tell you – the best way to stop being unemployed is to whap your boobies out.
Trust us, it works like a charm. Just look at Lindsay Lohan. She couldn't get an acting job for toffee after she had all that rehab, so she decided to get her norks out in a magazine instead and – bammo – Lindsay Lohan's scored her first post-rehab acting gig, playing Charles Manson's sidekick in a movie by the producer of Barb Wire.
OK, so that first sentence should have read ' the best way to star in a film that nobody's likely to ever watch is to whap your boobies out' but it's too late to change it now.
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