charity - HecklerSpray

Lady Gaga’s Charity Doesn’t Do A Whole Lot Of Charity

March 14th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Part of Lady Gaga’s whole shtick, besides the “I am avant-garde not a total fucking psycho” bit, is helping others.? Especially others that struggle because they aren’t accepted for being who they are.? She has millions of “Little Monsters” who have credited Gaga with helping them be comfortable in their own skin, no matter how freaking weird.

Gaga runs a big ol charity organization called the Born This Way Foundation, which is supposed to be her vessel in helping others.? Except, the financial records for 2012 have been revealed and it seems the only people helped by the foundation are a shit ton of lawyers and a few desk jockeys.

Europe’s Entire Supply Of Hot Guys Are Being Sent To The South Pole

November 12th, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

What do you get if Alexander Skarsgard, Prince Harry and Dominic West cross the Antarctic? Sexually frustrated, that’s what.?

Cue the ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ montage, because Harry, Alexander and ‘300’ star Dominic are all training for a 208-mile race to the South Pole in order to raise money for wounded war veterans. Meanwhile, thousands of women are limbering up to race to their South Poles, if you know what I mean. Although that race is likely to be to the death.

Stupid Celebrities Love Getting Naked for Fish

October 16th, 2012 By Chris Starr

So this is Lizzy Jagger, daughter of Mick, straddling a giant tuna as if it were a chivalric steed. What the fuck is happening here, you may be asking yourself. It’s the everyday life of a celebrity, duh. This is what they do with themselves when the rest of us are clocking in at factories and clocking out at the bars.

Somehow this sort of thing gets classed as ‘philanthropy’, which last time I checked didn’t mean getting your boobs out for a good cause. But maybe celebrities have a special dictionary or something.

The Beatles 1, People In Wheelchairs 0

March 30th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Do The Beatles hate people in wheelchairs? John Lennon was always ‘spazzing’ during the Fab Four’s shows in the 60s wasn’t he? Is there some kind of ablist agenda with the group? Surely not? Surely that can’t be right?

Executives at Apple Corps, which is the company set up by the assorted members of Mop Tops, have taken up a dispute with a load of wheelchairs.

And the wheelchairs didn’t stand a chance in the face of the might that is The Most Famous Band Who Ever Lived.

Pippa Middleton Still Has An Arse But One That Skis!

March 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

It really is heartwarming that our beloved Royal family have decided to take some absolutely typical Normal Just Like You And Me Pleb Citizens under their swannish wing, eh? Thank Christ for the Middletons.

The very normal Middletons are just like us, they really are. Apart from being already wealthy, having a penchant for wax jackets, having toilets made of diamonds and the whole Pot Noodle Doesn’t Make Up 90% Of Their Diet?thing.

And of course, Pippa Middleton is unique and special because she has a famous posterior which, astonishingly, went skiing in Sweden without melting the snow with sexy vibes. How does she do it?!

The Queen, Kate Middleton and Camilla Go On Wild Girls’ Night At Fortnum & Mason’s

March 2nd, 2012 By Becca Day-Preston

Bored of sitting on their arses in separate palaces, eating swan pate and beating servants, the Queen, Kate Middleton and Camilla Parker Bowles decided to go on a raucous girls? night out at Fortnum & Mason’s, where they ate indestructible biscuits, and Kate practiced her bending down to smile at children skills.

Once inside, away from the cameras, we can only assume that various nubile members of Fortnums staff were forced to strip naked and throw foie gras at each other while the royal wenches laughed and laughed.

All wearing blue jackets to cover their crudely printed ?Windsor Gals ON THA LASH!? t-shirts, they embarked on a short meet and greet where Kate Middleton smiled at literally four or five carefully selected cute children, and Camilla managed to go ten minutes without actually snarling at anyone, which is nice.

Kate Middleton Tells A Big Royal Secret And Wears A Cheap Dress

February 22nd, 2012 By Becca Day-Preston

Since proving last week that she is perfectly capable of walking, talking and waving unaided by more than a medium-sized entourage Kate Middleton, the new Princess of Hearts, has been really earning her keep.

Walking, talking and waving is such super super hard work, make no mistake. Our Kate, Princess of Hearts, won't have anyone saying she's lazy and workshy: she took photos of her parents? balloons once and don't you forget it, you worthless scumbag single mother prole.

Kate?s recent solo walking, talking and waving mission took her to a school in Cambridge, where she also demonstrated some serious bending down and smiling at kids skills. And get this; she was doing it in a cheap dress! That's right, she got her dress in the sales, just like a common person! It was only ?162.50, and what can you get for ?162.50 nowadays? Practically nothing (except, you know, food for a family of four for a week). Well done, Kate, for being so thrifty!

Kate Middleton Astounds Everyone By Wearing Clothes And Walking Around In Them

February 9th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Kate Middleton is now a blueblood. She’s married into the Royal Family, which gives her special dispensation from the law. She’s probably allowed to kill people and run over vicars with combine harvesters while setting fire to piles of tyres and griffins.

HOWEVER. She’s not like the rest.

Y’see, our Kate is willing to not only walk around us plebscum, but also, do it wearing clothes that you can buy from shops. Seriously. Someone should beatify her now…. if they do Protestant beatification that is.

Paris Hilton To Team Up With LMFAO To Make Ears Redundant Forever

January 18th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

How are your ears? Like having them? They’re great for holding your glasses up aren’t they? Pierced them? How nice. Alas, there’s one drawback with ears – you can hear stuff. Yep, all manner of useless dreck can creep in their and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Unless you stuff the canal with liquid concrete and then lop them off with cigar clippers.

And you may want to do exactly that because the most appalling news has come our way – Paris Hilton is making a pop comeback and she’s teaming up with zany-irony gobblers and ear-wormers, LMFAO. If you don’t know what that means, let us draw out the horror.

Paris Hilton Flaunts Her Vast Wealth In Bali Orphanage

November 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

It’s always nice when a grotesquely wealthy person goes to visit poor people. It gives them an ideal opportunity to perfect their worried, moved facial expressions. We’ve seen it with Angelina Jolie as she globetrots to the scrubbers.

And now, Paris Hilton is taking time out of her busy holidaying schedule to go and cry at some orphans in Bali.

That’s nice of her isn’t it? She was probably wearing make-up which cost more than all the orphans had ever possessed in their short, miserable lives. Still, CHARITY!