charges - HecklerSpray

Conrad Murray’s Defence Won’t Be Able To Say That Michael Jackson Molested Kids, Regardless Of Whether He Did Or Not

August 25th, 2011 By Michael Park

Prosecutors in the Dr. Conrad Murray manslaughter trial have made moves to block all testimony related to allegations that?Michael Jackson inappropriately gave “the feel” to myriad children placed in his care.

Court documents which alarmingly landed on the desks of TMZ ?have suggested that prosecutors want?Judge Michael Pastor?to bar?Steve Robel- a key Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s investigator in the 2005 MJ molestation trial- from testifying? in Murray’s defence.

In a move probably designed to drag up the molestation charges in an effort to make Jackson seem like a mentally disturbed lunatic with a penchant for the flesh of little children, Robel has been placed on the defence witness list.

David Boreanaz Is No ‘Angel’ ? Do You See What We Did?

March 31st, 2011 By Paul Pencott

Expressionless slab-faced lump of FAIL David Boreanaz ? better known for playing ?Angel?, the perplexing object of affection for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and little else unless you count that cop show that only your mother really likes (although you still have to find it for her on her EPG) ? will no doubt be today celebrating his complete exoneration from charges of sexual harassment filed all the way back in July of last year.

If, by ?complete exoneration? you mean ?he paid-off the complainant so she'd keep quiet?.

Or ?settled out of court? as they call it in that America.

Roman Polanski’s Victim Wants Everyone To Shut Up

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You’d want it hushed up if Roman Polanski ever had sex with you, wouldn’t you? Because, really, Roman Polanski? Urgh.

Obviously it’d be far worse if Roman Polanski had sex with you when you were 13, then admitted to it, and then ran off to France for 30 years so he couldn’t be sentenced.

Which is why the girl at the centre of the rape case, Samantha Geimer, has announced that she wants Roman Polanski’s charges dropped. Then maybe people will concentrate on the more attractive people she’s slept with, like a plastic heron or that mouse with the gigantic ear grafted onto its back.

Barroom Rumble Charges Dropped For Josh Brolin

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Josh Brolin – everyone’s newest favourite star of movies that people don’t actually watch – has plenty of cause to celebrate.

Why? Because he’s not going to jail. Not that Josh Brolin was ever going to go to jail in the first place or anything, but it might have been a possibility after he was arrested and charged with interfering with a police officer during a barroom brawl in Louisiana last summer.

But now prosecutors have dropped the charges against Josh Brolin, so this entire story is basically pointless. Josh Brolin didn’t do something and he won’t be punished for it. Hooray.

Barenaked Ladies Drug Bloke To Fight His Charges Like A Beast

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

There’s a Barenaked Ladies song that goes “If I had $1,000,000/ I’d blow it all on coke/ and maybe a couple of hookers.”

Actually that might not be true – we don’t like Barenaked Ladies nearly enough to listen to one of their terrible songs – but they do have a song called If I Had $1,000,000 and, since the band’s singer Steven Page was arrested for cocaine possession this week, that scenario would probably make the most sense.

Or maybe it wouldn’t, because Barenaked Ladies have posted a message on their website saying that Steven Page will fight his charges to the ends of the Earth. Or until he’s convicted, sent to jail and used as a violent masturbatory tool by the entire prison population as a twisted revenge for his song about Chickedy China The Chinese Chicken. Whichever one happens first, basically.

Amy Winehouse Not Charged For Her Big Crack Video

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Amy Winehouse is like a bad news magnet at the moment – apparently it’s a magnet that also seems to repel soap.

However, Amy Winehouse has received a rare nugget of good news today – police have confirmed that Amy won’t be charged for that video of her apparently smoking crack like it’s going out of fashion.

What fantastic news! Now that this crack video palaver is out of her hair, all Amy Winehouse has to do is sort out her crumbling marriage, her multimillion-pound divorce, her drug addiction, her self-harming tendencies, her skin disease and literally single other thing regarding her personal and professional life and she’ll be almost completely back on track. Go Amy!

Shia LaBeouf’s Trespassing Charges Dropped Forever

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Up until very recently, Transformers star and full-time adorable man-puppy Shia LaBeouf was in a whole lot of trouble for trespassing.

Shia LaBeouf was arrested in a Chicago branch of Walgreens last month for appearing drunk and not leaving when a security guard asked him to – but all that trouble is far behind him now. Less than one minute after his hearing started earlier today, Shia LaBeouf quickly found out that Walgreens had written the court a letter wanting to drop the charges against him. Nobody knows what cause Walgreen's sudden change of heart, but it's thought that the key phrase from the letter was "Oh, how could I ever stay mad at an adorable face like yours? Ubba dubba dubba. Ubba dubba dubba. Ubba dubba dubba dubba dubba."

Akon Pleads Not Guilty To That Thing He Was Filmed Doing

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You know that video of Akon angrily picking up a teenage boy and throwing him into a screaming crowd of people during a show? Yeah, Akon says he didn't do it.

Yesterday Akon appeared at a courtroom in Fishkill, New York to enter a not guilty plea to charges of endangering a minor and second-degree harassment stemming from the summer's fan-chucking incident. Pleading not guilty is a brave move for Akon because a) he was filmed doing the thing he's pleaded not guilty to and b) if he's convicted, Akon could end up spending over a year in jail. A year without Akon's blend of slightly derivative squeaky-voiced R&B music? Why, surely that's a punishment for us all.