Or, possibly, not having sex with children. Although he’s been on the lam since fleeing America in 1978 after pleading guilty to having sex with a 13-year-old girl, Roman Polanski has now decided to ask a Los Angeles court to dismiss his charges.

Let’s hope Roman Polanski gets his dismissal, because then he’ll stop being an exiled genius and become what he’s always dreamed of – a director in America who can’t get work because everyone thinks he’s so flipping creepy.

Depending on how many turtleneck sweaters you own, you either think that Roman Polanski is famous because he’s directed iconic movies like Chinatown, The Pianist and Rosemary’s Baby or because he allegedly had it off with a kid in the 1970s and then legged it out of America before anyone could do anything about it.

But if you believe the latter, then Roman Polanski has news for you – he didn’t have sex with 13-year-old girl who he pleaded guilty to having sex with in 1975. Or he did, but he’s worked out that the girl is well into her 40s now so it isn’t that illegal any more. Or something. Anyway, Roman Polanski wants his charges dismissed, as Reuters reports:

The film director’s lawyers said they had new evidence, sparked by a documentary film earlier this year, that revealed “judicial and prosecutorial misconduct … so distorted the legal process that the interests of justice can only be served with complete dismissal of the case.”

Perhaps some background information would be helpful here. In 1977 Roman Polanski was asked to guest-edit French Vogue which, it’s alleged, he decided to do by first taking photos of 13-year-old Samantha Geimer drinking champagne, and then allegedly raping her on drugs. In the ensuing court case, Roman Polanski agreed a plea deal whereby the rape would be downgraded to unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor. And then he buggered off to France before sentencing, and has been a kind of fugitive in Europe ever since.

But now, based on findings from the documentary Roman Polanski: Wanted And Desired, Roman Polanski thinks that it’s time the charges were dropped so that he can return to America and be embraced by the artistic community once again. After all, an acquittal in a case involving sex and children doesn’t hurt your reputation at all. Just look at Michael Jackson. He’s um… ooh, bad example.

But still, regardless of whether or not he committed the crime that he pleaded guilty to three decades ago, there’s no doubt that Roman Polanski has served an unbelievably harsh punishment in the interim. The man had a cameo in Rush Hour 3, for crying out loud. Murderers get less than that.

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In today’s world of boring, pointless, vapid celebrities mincing around never doing anything, not causing any trouble and generally being thoroughly boring you could be forgiven for thinking that the entertainment that we, the public, rightly deserve from these fools is never going to come our way.

Then DMX goes and gets a mega-whammy of arrests for a number of different reasons – granted, he’s not going around stabbing people, but he is doing things that we’re allowed to take the piss out of. Which is clearly much better for us.

The most recent of DMX’s failures to obey the law came about when the rapper didn’t really manage to appear in court for an earlier arrest. Instead he went to hospital. Close, but not quite the right building. Must try harder.

DMX, known to people who don’t want to dignify that ‘name’ by actually using it as Earl Simmons, was lingering about a Wal-Mart, possibly trying to cause more mayhem involving drugs and stuff, when the police acted on a warrant and brought the vagabond in for his no-show.

The original charges levelled against Earl were related to possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, though reports this consisted of a T-shirt with the slogan “DMX Likes Pot” on it and a matching headband were unconfirmed at the time of going to press.

Needless to say though, these are definitely serious charges and ones sure to cement Simmons’ reputation as a bad boy on the rap scene. Or just a bloke who had some weed on him and got caught. Either way, he’ll be known as… a man… who did something.

DMX is also waiting on the outcomes of a few other cases, involving animal cruelty and identity fraud, amongst others. Come to think of it, we do remember receiving an email from an ‘American prince’ the other month, but we didn’t actually put two and two together until now. He offered us the chance to “Party Up” if we gave him all of our savings.

Naturally we did, but this ‘Prince of DMXia’ never got back to us. It all makes sense now. But why he would want to take on the identity of the amorphous blob that is hecklerspray we do not know. Maybe the life of alleged crime is too much for the poor dear.

It’s not the first time the X-ey one has faced charges – he was cleared of rape, a stabbing, impersonating an FBI agent and some other pretty comical charges like ‘mischief’. We didn’t know you could be arrested for behaving like a nine-year-old boy, but hey ho – at least he’s keeping his part of the bargain up and actually offering us some entertainment in his private life.

It would appear that outside of allegedly committing crimes, DMX is the only artist to have five consecutive albums debut at number one on the Billboard chart. (Alleged) crime does pay, it would seem.