Chantelle Houghton - HecklerSpray

Chantelle Houghton?s Unborn Foetus Getting A Bit Tired Of All The Publicity To Be Honest.

December 15th, 2011 By Paul Pencott

Dreadful orange sloppy-seconds-bargain-bin-Jordan Chantelle ?Chantelle? Houghton, not content with hawking her fake breasts, fake eyelashes and, we presume, non-fake pregnant belly has this week launched an all-out assault on anyone with any sense of decorum whatsoever.

Appearing in nothing more than a bikini in more tatty publications and websites than we were even aware existed (Celebrity Baby Scoop anyone? Anyone? we're not even making it up) Chantelle has been coining it something rotten from her four-month old child, serving only to remind the world that she is swelled with the product of ex-Katie Price ?Reidenator? Alex Reid.

?Reidenator?. Yes. Katie ?Jordan? Price said that out loud.

Alex Reid Reduced To Stripping For Cash

October 28th, 2011 By Kris Silver

And just when we thought Alex Reid?s career couldn't sink any lower? he announces that he's due to tour the country and strip off in front of hundreds of people night after night.

Fresh from getting engaged to, and talking about wanting babies with, fellow former Celebrity Big Brother alumna Chantelle Houghton, Alex has announced that he's due to star in the play, yes someone?s actually cast him in a play, Wildboyz.

And people say that theatre is too high-brow.

Alex And Chantelle To Reid-Produce

August 31st, 2011 By Kris Silver

The curse of Celebrity Big Brother is rearing its ugly head again as former contestants and professional divorcees Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton announce that they think they're ready to reproduce.

Jordan?s former fella spread the word via one of those glossy lady rags that you see in your dentist?s waiting room, but would never pick up because there's a picture of Alex Reid on the cover trying his best to look like he's still a cage-fighter?

…or vaguely relevant.

Chantelle And Alex Reid Break The Concept Of Post-Modernism By Becoming A Couple. Also, Alex Reid Might Be Braveheart.

August 5th, 2011 By Sophie Hall

Here?s some advice. Fashion yourself a miniature love nest in your room, masturbate wrathfully for the next four days, then click the following link.

This link right here.

Yes, that’s right.You physically cannot produce enough paranoia and semen to replicate this video, can you? Well, seeing as you’re all loved out – it is all here, spread out in the This Morning studio. And apparently Ruth Langford?s preferred choice of hair mousse. Whatever. Chantelle Houghton and Alex Reid were never meant to be a couple. This is just a Closer magazine work experience girl typing a caption wrong. This is why communism was ultimately an unsuccessful idea. Most importantly, this is why Katie Price should stop marrying male prostitutes.

Z-List Celebs Get Discount Plastic Surgery; Remain Z-List Regardless

March 25th, 2009 By C J Davies

Remember Chantelle Houghton?

Sure you do – she was the winner of Celebrity Big Brother a couple of years ago, back when people actually watched it and the show wasn't relegated to E4 with an audience consisting entirely of Dermot O' Leary's mother (who only tuned in out of a sense of grim, WW2-like duty).

Well, brace yourselves. Bet you all thought that Chantelle's naturally graceful poise and beauty was just the result of superior breeding, didn't you? Bet you wept tears of jealousy knowing that a mere mortal like yourself could never attain such heights of genetic perfection? Fear not, children. It turns out that your bitter, fuming, stranger-stabbing envy was completely unfounded.

Chantelle, you see – and a number of other pointless oxygen-thieving 'celebrities' – have apparently been treating themselves to a bit of discount plastic surgery every now and then.