Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
The curse of Celebrity Big Brother is rearing its ugly head again as former contestants and professional divorcees Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton announce that they think they're ready to reproduce.
Jordan?s former fella spread the word via one of those glossy lady rags that you see in your dentist?s waiting room, but would never pick up because there's a picture of Alex Reid on the cover trying his best to look like he's still a cage-fighter?
…or vaguely relevant.
Click over for our stupid Celebrity Big Brother Liveblog! Keep hitting refresh because we’re idiots who can’t work things out! HURRAY! Things kick-off around 9pm when the hard liquor kicks in!
Big Brother is back in a week’s time and some people (notably the people who work for Channel Five and Holy Moly) are getting very, very excited! However, all is not well at the BB house as our exclusive pictures show!
Pictures have been released of the new Big Brother house and many have cooed about how glamorous it looks (with others shrugging and thinking that it kinda looks like any other BB House).
However, what Endemol, makers of the show, aren’t telling anyone is that the show is danger of being cancelled after it was found that the Elstree studio has been infested with weasels!
It's been a roller-coaster week, what with red-top tabloids revealing that Charlie Sheen is DEFINITELY going into the Big Brother house only for his reps to categorically deny it and the papers going all quiet only to reveal that Pamela Anderson is DEFINITELY going in only for her reps to probably deny it as of this morning as well.
Well, we can all play that game and hecklerspray can exclusively announce the full list of within-Channel-Five-budget celebrities who are DEFINITELY going into the awful Big Brother house this year!
Although we might go a bit quiet tomorrow.
It's not fair. The prospect of Channel 5?s Big Brother is now becoming dangerously real, and here is the most concrete proof of what is set to be a terrible, terrible Autumn. Any means of escape is effectively now void.
If you try and turn the channel over, all you will find is a botched version of Kelly Rowland clapping along to a burns victim in harem pants on X Factor instead.
As if Kelly hadn?t caused enough problems in the world, she allowed more hell to be released into the ether today, when an annoyingly large number of ex-housemates turned up on a field to sing an altered version of her song ?When Love Takes Over?, to ?When Bruv Takes Over? for the new C5 trailer. It's not fair.
Big Brother is over kids and now, Channel 4 will be in a flap about what they can show in the summer of 2011. Knowing the broadcaster, they will opt for either flogging countless repeats of Friends, Come Dine With Me or Sex In the City.
Over the course of the time it was on our screens, the once social experiment has changed from the evolvement of human situation to peak time viewing of a woman/beast wanking herself off with a bottle.
Once Big Brother 2010 finished, the ?ultimate? edition was launched. Basically, it was a chance for fame hungry ex contestants to throw themselves in the limelight before getting their tits out in Zoo Magazine. Again. Preston and Chantelle found love in the house, divorced in the real world and amazingly reunited back in the house. See where this is going?
Big Brother is great isn’t it? It gets a bunch of humans and puts them in a completely unrealistic situation and slowly watches them wither away like banded haemorrhoids. The latest, and quite possibly the quickest person to have her mental blood supply cut off is Chantelle who, in 2 days, has done a lot of weeping.
This is all thanks to the Big Brother producers taking someone who is, essentially, a very sweet but ultimately dim girl, and locked them in a house with their ex husband. That isn’t cruel at all is it?
And now, just as predicted, the old feelings have come back leaving Chantelle broken, emotional and soon-to-be jaded with the world.
10 – Ladies, this is why you should be grateful that you didn’t start menstruating in 1967…
9 – The Saw movies: the undeniable proof – Best Week Ever
8 – Are they still doing the Barbarella remake? Because, really, it won’t be a patch on this – YouTube
7 – Buy the helicopter from From Russia With Love. No, seriously. Buy it – 007helicopter
6 – American? Then here’s a way to eat for a ridiculously small amount of money. Not American? Back to the bins! – Lifehacker
5 – Now here’s a song – Bedazzled
