It appears as if 23-year-old, London born singer Adele has the Midas touch at the moment. Her album has been at number one for so long that it saw off both the end of the world and Cheryl Cole’s US X-Factor career. She’s performed at the Brits to universal acclaim and she’s captured the hearts and minds of both sides of the Atlantic.

But turning everything you touch to gold isn’t so great when the Tax man comes knocking it seems.

Adele has kicked up a right storm, after whining about the fact that she had to pay around £4,000,000 in tax after the runaway success of her debut album, 19, in formerly relevant music mag, Q. She said that:

“When I got my tax bill in from 19, I was ready to go and buy a gun and randomly open fire.”

Which is a lovely sentiment. Although the worrying thing is that, being from Tottenham, she could probably get her hands on a gun pretty quickly, if those bastards at Revenue and Customs didn’t keep taking all her money that is.

And what are Cameron and Clegg going to do with this massive windfall anyway, well, if you ask Adele, nothing that’s going to make her life any easier:

“I can’t use public transport any more. Trains are always late, most state schools are shit, and I’ve gotta give you, like, four million quid – are you having a laugh?”

Of course they aren’t having a laugh Adele. They’re the Government; they don’t know how to laugh.

£4,000,000 is a ludicrous amount of money for the UK Government to be demanding though, after all, how is Adele meant to dine on nothing but the finest beluga caviar or quaff the finest Champagne’s money can buy… or buy several million kebabs and a bottle of Lambrini from Abra Kebabra?

The answer is with the other £4,000,000 that was left untouched by HMRC.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Is Mariah Carey pregnant? Mariah Carey says “What? Me? Pregnant? Um, I’m, er, hey! Look over there! Balloons!”

Or words to that effect, anyway. We’ve been hearing a few rumours recently suggesting that Mariah Carey and her still husband Nick Cannon have got a baby on the way. And despite her prickly diva reputation, Mariah Carey is only to happy to directly address these rumours.

OK, not completely directly. But Mariah Carey will break into a deep sweat, shuffle awkwardly in her seat, giggle nervously, spout all kinds of tangential gibberish and look around anxiously for someone, anyone, who can put an end to the torture she’s going through if you do happen to ask her about pregnancy. Which, by chance, is exactly what Mariah Carey did on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today.

Despite her fame and fortune, Mariah Carey has dealt with no end of terrible periods in her life. She’s had an enormous wibbling mental breakdown, she’s been involved in a marriage so miserable that she used to fantasise about being kidnapped and she’s performed a duet with Westlife. All horrible, awful, unthinkable things to have to deal with.

So Mariah Carey deserves some happiness in her life. And if she wants that happiness to come in the form of a tiny screaming poo-machine that’s both massively expensive and eternally ungrateful, then so be it.

Ever since Mariah Carey got married to Nick Cannon earlier this year, after knowing him for appromixately a third of a second, she’s had babies on her mind constantly. This is either because Mariah Carey is full of love just waiting to be unleashed onto a new life, or because she heard that babies totally fit into that new chichi Prada handbag, but we suppose the motivation isn’t that important at the moment.

The point is, Mariah Carey might actually be pregnant now. She might not be, of course, but the low-level nervous breakdown that Mariah Carey had on The Ellen DeGeneres Show the instant that the topic of pregnancy was brought up would suggest that she’s either pregnant or needs to get a repeat prescription for her nutty pills.

To begin with, Mariah Carey was only too happy to talk about the state of her pregnancy, but then – in a stroke of something dazzling close to genius – DeGeneres brought out the champagne and the brought on Mariah’s terrified wibblefit. MTV reports:

Mariah then gave her a whole slew of excuses, other than being pregnant, for not drinking the bubbly. “It’s just fattening!” she said. “This is peer pressure! … It’s too early for me. I only drink after 3 p.m.” You can’t blame Ellen for trying. “No, let’s toast to you not being pregnant,” she ventured. Mariah, who only pretended to sip her champagne, wasn’t down for that sort of toast either.

Mariah Carey should know that shifty behaviour like that is only going to spur on more pregnancy speculation, but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt – maybe Mariah Carey really does believe that champagne is fattening and she really doesn’t drink before 3pm.

If that’s the case, then we completely blame Ellen DeGeneres for not getting a definitive pregnancy statement out of Mariah Carey. Champagne was clever, but not foolproof. Ellen needed a follow-up scheme to really chase Mariah down. So we don’t know if Mariah Carey is pregnant for sure at the moment, but we definitely would if Ellen had thought to try any or all of these lines…

“Cigarette?”

“Let’s have a punching each other in the stomach competition!”

“You know what I think we should do right now? Eat raw hotdogs in a sauna!”

“Why do we see who can hide this unfolded coathanger up their own body the fastest!”

Oh Ellen. That Pulitzer Prize will never be yours unless you buck your ideas up.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

As Lindsay Lohan knows, the hardest part of being a recovering alcoholic isn't getting sober – it's staying sober long enough to turn down rubbishy films about forgetful strippers.

Or even staying sober at all, for that matter. A video has emerged of Lindsay Lohan swigging from a bottle of champagne at a New Year's Eve party in Italy, even though she pretty much spent almost every waking hour of 2007 in various rehab clinics trying to kick the booze for good. However, the good news is that the video only shows Lindsay Lohan taking one gulp of champagne before putting it down – which either means that a) Lindsay realised what she was jeopardising by drinking and responsibly stopped or b) Lindsay realised that her alcohol-soaked gut had developed an immunity to sparkling wine and put it down to find something more boozy, like vodka or lighter fluid or some of her own urine.

It's been made clear that 2008 is Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex, something that she's already put into action by getting off with every Italian man on Earth in the space of about an hour and a half. But the thing about trying to have it off with all the men in the world is that many of them aren't very sexy. How to cope? Since quitting Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex before it's begun isn't an option, this leaves Lindsay with two options – either she can harness her acting skills and pretend that she's enjoying herself or she can get wankered on booze and numb the unpleasantness.

Since anyone who's seen I Know Who Killed Me knows that the first choice is a physical impossibility, that just leaves Lindsay Lohan with the alcoholic option. But the problem there is that Lindsay Lohan has a bit of a history with alcohol. Last year Lindsay was arrested for DUI twice and went to roughly three thousand different rehab centres trying to dry out and get her life back in order.

So what's it to be? Does Lindsay Lohan try to power through Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex with booze or does she wisely avoid even the merest hint of alcohol in the knowledge that it's already undone her career, bashed up her personal life and sent her to jail? Go on, guess.

It's the booze, of course! Lindsay Lohan has been filmed swigging from a bottle of champagne at an Italian nightclub on New Year's Eve. Looky…

But relax – the video only shows Lindsay Lohan taking a single swig from the bottle, and Lindsay's lawyer Blair Berk has been quick to point out that the taste of alcohol alone freaked her out enough to get help:

"After being handed a champagne bottle while on the dance floor in Italy on New Year's Eve and drinking from it, the good news is that Lindsay stopped herself, called her sponsor and got herself back on track. There is no magic cure here. The most unfortunate part of this is that Lindsay has to share her 'one day at a time' with the entire world."

As much as we're impressed by Lindsay Lohan's apparent strictness, we're also just relieved that she stopped at one gulp of champagne. As we all know, after two gulps Lindsay starts giving idiotic interviews about how she doesn't have a problem, after three gulps she starts screeching things like "I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want."

And at five gulps? Well, let's just pray that she never reaches five gulps again.

Read more:

Lindsay Off, Back On Wagon - E! Online