You see, it's been claimed that Boy George fell prey to that age-old male prostitute mix-up where one person thinks you both just want some cursory, meaningless, soul-destroying sex and the other one just wants to chain everyone to a wall against their will and threaten them for a bit. We've all been there.

Except that Boy George says didn't do any of that – at Snaresbrook Crown Court yesterday, Boy George pleaded not guilty to false imprisonment. Lucky his charge wasn't Looking More And More Like Phil Collins With An Underactive Thyroid, because then they would have thrown away the keys.

Professionally, nobody's heard that much from Boy George in recent years, and that's mainly down to his poor CV-writing skills. Yes, we'll admit that his Past Achievements section is pretty good – between 1982 and 1987 he's put 'Global Iconic Megastar' – but it's his Interests profile that's stopped him from getting work. 'Painting the underside of my chin black to make me look thinner' and 'chaining male prostitutes to walls against their will'? What the hell? Why can't Boy George just write 'socialising' like everyone else?

Only, actually, Boy George says he doesn't chain male prostitutes to walls, against their will or otherwise. Even though in November he was arrested for chaining a male prostitute to a wall, Boy George is adamant that he's not guilty of chaining Norwegian male prostitute Auden Carlsen to a wall and teasing him by probably pointing out that he's a Norwegian male prostitute chained to Boy George's wall. The Telegraph reports:

Boy George has pleaded not guilty to a charge of false imprisonment… Dressed in black and wearing dark glasses, the singer was listed in court under his real name George O'Dowd. During the 20-minute hearing, O'Dowd spoke only to confirm his name, state his not guilty plea and say he understood the terms of his bail. The singer spent time talking with lawyers before leaving the court building, thanking fans who turned up to offer support. He said only "no comment" to waiting press before leaving in a black Volkswagen people carrier.

Although this might have seemed like a low-key appearance, Boy George is actually setting up a full trial quite nicely. The Boy George prostitute-chaining trial looks set to be our OJ murder trial, our Salem witch trials, our Nuremberg – albeit with slightly more focus on a fat bald bloke who might have chained a male prostitute to a wall for a laugh.

Of course, it's far too early to predict how the full trial will swing – but surely we can't be the only ones hoping that Boy George is convicted but only sentenced to an extended period of community service. Because we could all learn a lot from the grace and poise that Boy George shows when he's forced into menial work as a punishment for his crimes.

Oh, who are we kidding? We just like watching fat bald men throw temper tantrums in front of the world's media.

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Boy George pleads not guilty to chaining charge – Telegraph 

It's emerging that one male escort didn't heed this warning, and now Boy George has been arrested and charged with false imprisonment for it. Apparently Boy George and another man invited Norwegian escort Auden Carlsen into his home, chained him to a wall and promptly went about threatening him in all kinds of undisclosed ways.

Wait a minute, Boy George is gay?

Now, if we were Boy George we'd be doing our utmost to stay out of trouble at the moment, because the last thing we'd want is a repeat performance of his last arrest and subsequent punishment for drug possession. You'll remember that, of course, that situation ended with Boy George angrily waggling a broom about and screaming like an infant witch because people were taking pictures of him sweeping parts of New York as part of his community service order.

But just because we'd want to keep our nose clean in Boy George's position, it doesn't necessarily mean that Boy George agrees with us. Not when there are perfectly good male Norwegian escorts walking the streets instead of being chained to a wall in Boy George's house, where they clearly all belong.

It has been announced that Boy George – the man responsible for hits like Karma Chameleon and probably a couple of others, as well as the brief 2001 fad for painting the underside of your jaw black to make you look less of a fat bald goth – has been arrested and charged with false imprisonment following claims made by 28-year-old Norwegian escort Auden Carlsen.

Carlsen claims that Boy George and his friend invited him into Boy George's flat to pose for photos. Photos, it appears, that involved chaining male escorts to the wall and insulting them a lot. It's too early for firm details, but police have said:

"George O’Dowd, 47, a musician of Ravey Street, EC2, is charged with the false imprisonment of a 28-year-old in Ravey Street on April 28. He has been bailed to return before Thames Magistrates Court on November 22."

We'll be following this story as it happens, partly because there just aren't enough stories about hooker-chaining these days and partly because we're dying to find out what the sort of man who gets intimidated by Boy George's threats looks like.